To want to punch myself in the face after letting mil get away with another 'MILism' AGAIN!!

[Stalequavers]

Lay in bed stewing over it.

Looooooong history with mil regarding her shockingly bad rudeness. It isn't just saved for me - everyone experiences it although the SIL and myself get extra helpings for good measure especially when I was pregnant.

I know she is a narc.

I've done amazing at keeping her at arms length. Always had my guard up, expected shitty behaviour so wasn't surprised at her little nuggets of goldeness anymore.

I think she could feel the coolness from me and gave dp a 'treat' of a small amount of money. 50/50 split between me and him. Had to buy myself something naice. I havnt yet.

Tonight she came around and we were discussing Xmas dinner. Last Boxing Day she came here. We didn't have a table (still don't)

I said why don't you come with us (were eating out)or bils...

I got in return " no disrespect stale. BUT I'm not sitting having my Xmas dinner on my knee like I had Boxing Day dinner here (pointed to where she was sat) I'd rather cook it myself"... And got quiet offended/annoyed by it

1. I didn't fucking invite you to dinner here!
2. it was better than nothing you ungreatful bitch!

So I laughed at her. And said no.2 and left out the sweary bit.

She is a massive bell end. Dp knows exactly what she is like and does tell her off somtimes. But what's the fucking point - nothing changes .....

Rant over

It sounds like the ideal result, Stale. You offered for her to join you for dinner out, she refused, not at all rude. You get to enjoy a MIL-free meal.

I know she gets on your nerves but you managed the rudeness about last boxing day well by laughing. You have got a winning formula to stop her coming to eat at yours again, just mention it is eating off your laps and you know she won't join you!

And do mention how much you enjoyed yourselves with the unspoken 'without your rudeness MIL' hanging in the air.

A copper's nark is someone who gives information to a copper.

Morning ladies! I've had a right chuckle at your response.

In response to done one up thread - dp just thinks it's just the way his mum is but he recognised I was pissed off and said he will talk to her.

BUT what's the bloody point. She was horrid to SIL and a contributing factor to bil and SIL break up. Bil wouldn't stand up to her where as dp will for me as when push came to shove in the past he has taken my side.

So she regularly flys under the radar shooting mini missues that are not really big enough to cause a fuss over.

Some of the things she has pulled - will prob out me but I'm having a shit day anyway so who cares!!

1. let me believe dp was having an affair but it was a surprise holiday for my birthday. She knew what it was but let me think otherwise.

2. I invited her to a party (pathetic attempt at bonding) she then turned up with two of her dgc (10/12) ended up dumping them on me then went to the fucking party I invited HER to with her friend!!

3. insisted on being present at the birth and really bullied me over it. Dp eventually told her to back off. She then flew out the country for two weeks the day before I was due because she couldn't bear to be 'pushed out'

Nightmare!!

One day I may karate chop her in the throat

yabu for inviting her to join you on Christmas Day.

Presumably when you say "out", you don't mean someone else's house!

And I assume if BIL wants her at his, he'll ask her himself!

You did invite her for xmas, you said above. I wouldn't fancy eating xmas dinner off my lap either.

Why would you automatically assume your partner was having an affair when he was organising a holiday?

From what you have posted she doesn't sound that unreasonable

Well WE eat Christmas Dinner on a lap tray - we don't have a table for the sole reason that our house is so small there is no room for one. ps youareallbonkers - it tastes just as good

I invited her to eat out with us. She knew we eating out as she had been asked last week. So the comment was pointless apart from having a dig about last year. Which to be frank is a bloody cheek! She should have been grateful that she had some where to go and people were cooking for her and she was spending time with family. BUT if eating off a table makes or breaks your xmas then rock on. I cooked for 12 that day so she was lucky to get somewhere to park her arse.

diddle Bil has said he will spend it with her, she can go round if she wants cook dinner because his wife has left

so I was only going over things that had been talked about- trying to have conversation rather than sitting in silence

regarding thinking he was having an affair... silly really. He was being secretive about who he was on the phone to, wouldn't let me look at his email for something.he had booked it on line/phone. I jokingly mentioned it to mil while he was working away and she said there was something, she knew about it and said I had to speak to dp about it. All this was said in a serious tone. When I tried calling her back to ask her what the bloody hell she was talking about she wouldn't pick the phone up, answer my messages. Dp was uncontactable for three days due to work and it was hideous. She is a witch.

She sounds very difficult OP, you have my sympathises. I think the best you can do in this situation is aim for a polite and fairly formal relationship. I'd have concerns that any attempts at bridge building or using her a confident will just provide her with more ammunition.

If you want to have a happy and enjoyable Christmas the only thing to do is not have MIL with you. See her either side of Christmas for as short a time as you can manage, and if she says she would rather do her own dinner at home, take her at her word and don't lose sleep over it. She is shooting herself in the foot though, because there won't be anyone for her to aim her poisoned arrows at!