to not take DS friend home?

[FruitCakey]

DS is 6. Most evenings DS school friend will walk 3x streets and 2 main roads to our house to knock and ask to play with DS. Most evenings I don't mind him coming in and playing with DS (although I'd much rather it be pre-planned), however, I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation because the dark nights are now drawing in much earlier. He is only a tiny little thing and is certainly not street/road smart. I find it bizarre that his DM feels so comfortable with him walking all this way, but can't quite believe that she allows him to walk all the way home, alone in the dark.

The usual would be, DS gets home from school. 10 minutes later we will get a knock on the door from said friend and then his DM will text me at 5.30 pm to send him home. I feel so uncomfortable letting him walk home alone every evening in the dark but because he just shows up every evening, which is never pre-planned, I don't feel I should have to stop everything to walk him home every night? Or should I? What is the UR situation here?

Thank you.

I have a similar situation here, although without the main roads. My neighbour 4 doors up frequently sends out her 6 year old and he turns up at our door to play with my son, who loves it as he really likes him. Initially I was happy to encourage the friendship but we've lived here 2 years now, and sometimes I get his older brother too who can be a bit disrespectful to me and I've started to feel quite resentful of the free childcare provision, particularly when he comes round and says 'my mum is busy hoovering so has asked me to come over here'. What?????

My DD is 7, quite road smart and I still wouldnt send my DD up the road, 0.2miles to my mums house. I'd start sending him home as soon as he gets to your house.

WTF.

So after school this 6 year old walks all the way to yours and then his mum texts at 5.30 to get him sent home. Not only is that really fucking cheeky, but what if something happened to him on the way to your house. You would think hes at home, she would think he is at yours and no one would be any the wiser until 5.30 when she texts.

Thats scary and so irresponsible of her.

We have a relative whos child plays here a lot, her mum doesn't really care about her and we give her dinner most nights, I can see her front door from mine and I watch to make sure she goes right in. I am also constantly checking outside to make sure she isn't wandering about.

I don't know what the answer is OP, but this situation is really scary.

Tell the school. Or ring the nspcc for advice. Could be part of a bigger picture but your job is not to make this bit of his life safe - the rest of it may not be. It's like a sticking plaster on a cut artery.

All really great answers here, thank you.

sliceofsoup - My thoughts exactly. I am so worried that something could happen to him on the way to/from our house. Would it be my fault if it did? Not that it is my main concern, of course. I just wouldn't want him to get hurt. He is the size of a 4 year old, absolutely no exaggeration.

I have sent him away this evening as I am quite unwell so didn't fancy having anyone in the house. I am considering sending her a text. Perhaps suggesting that her DS is welcome to our house when pre-arranged but that I don't feel comfortable with the way things are at the moment due to how cold and dark it gets.

I would take him home and tell mum you want her or a resonsible adult to pick him up from yours, and that he needs a coat as its cold out. If it happens again, call NSPCC and tell the HT at school.

No it's her responsibility, her ds is her child and she is allowing this. Don't text, call her. You owe it to this little boy.

I am wondering what the school can do in this situation?

If it happens again after you gave talked to her, tell school.

There will be a chikd protection officer at school who will deal with it

Yes, please get in touch with the mum. It's very disrespectful of her to just let her son turn up at yours and then assume he'll just find his own way home. My DD2 will be 6 soon and I wouldn't dream of letting her out anywhere on her own, let alone that far. I wouldn't even let my DD1 who's 11 cross a main road on her own!

Horrible, but imagine the newspaper report if something were to happen to the poor boy walking home.

'Boy of 6 abducted/killed/molested on his way home from friend's house in the dark. Friend's mum reports the had been doing this for months!'

rollonthesummer - Very true and realistic way of analysing the situation. Thank you.

What a complete neglectful bitch and a user.

How dreadful for you op. Unfortunately there are times in life when you need to be totally upfront and stop a situation completely.

Phone her and say sorry but it's too far and too dark fur him to just come round now and all visits need to be pre arranged anyway.

The school will have noticed the lack of a warm coat already but if I were you I would mention him walking alone so far.

It will help build up a picture of neglect and be used to kick the parent up the arse if needed by child protection.

Dear BOY'S MUM, As it's getting dark so early now I am not comfortable with BOY walking home and I cannot walk him back. He can come over to play again once it gets lighter. He is welcome to come over of course if you will pick him up, just give me a text to arrange it. Take care Fruitcakey

Omg the thought of ds walking home in the dark on his own is horrible. I couldn't watch someone else's lo do it either. Definitely text her. Agree with everyone.

rollon's local newspaper headline is exactly what I would be thinking about, regardless of the fact that you're not responsible for the situation. Nancy's proposed note/text is spot on.

Something else that occurs to me is what would happen if you weren't at home one afternoon when he calls round? Would he go straight home, or wander off to find someone else to play with? How long before his mother was aware that he was missing? A horrendous situation to have put you in, OP! Whilst I would normally say this wasn't a school issue, this might well be a case where the Child Protection officer should be aware of how this little boy is being neglected.

He probably comes to your place for a little warmth and attention (I don't mean physical warmth) from the sounds of his mother. Ugh. Poor kid.

YANBU OP, you are right to be concerned for this little boy's welfare.

I agree with seeing the teacher. I imagine that they already have concerns and this help. Who knows SS might already be involved.

I'd second calling the school. I've done it in similar circumstances. (Child of four left at home while mum went to work. Slightly more to it but won't go into details as it would be easily identifiable to anyone who knew). Child was a nursery pupil but it wasn't a nursery day.

I phoned the Headteacher. Said I had just become aware of this situation. That I may not have all the info as I had only just stumbled on it but it was accurate to the best of my knowledge and I was concerned for the child.

School dealt with it, in part by offering extra support to the family and in part by explaining that leaving the child at home like that was not appropriate (family genuinely didn't appreciate this). Hasn't happened again. I was informed that school had got involved but not what the measures were - the mum told me herself (blissfully unaware I'd had anything to do with it). She was a bit annoyed that they'd been prying into her business, but the main thing is the child is safe.

I did what someone else suggested. I wondered if it was my place to interfere to start with. What if I'd misunderstood? Although I was fairly sure I hadn't. So I imagined a headline. "Child of four dies alone in house fire. Babybythesea knew, and did nothing. Child let down by look the other way culture." Plus I'd have felt forever guilty if anything had happened. I'm fond of the kid!

So I'd say even though it's out of school time, call the school. They may be gathering evidence for some kind of intervention. They may be able to advise you. They may simply say "sorry can't help you". But they won't shoot you for asking!

Thank you all so very much for your replies, I am incredibly grateful and value them all.

6 is way too young to be walking anywhere in their own, I was so shocked to read this!! Txt the mum and say that you would rather pre-plan play dates and that you feel very uncomfortable with a 6 year old out walking on his own. His mother should know better.

My DS is 6 and I don't like him getting too far ahead when we walk to school, or out of my sight in a park. Its disgusting that this woman lets her child do this, but then it means he isn't around her doesn't it.

Some good responses on here, that headline one makes you think. This shouldn't be your responsibility but she is making it so.

How does she have your number? I'm actually assuming you don't know her well.

My ds is 6 and I don't even let him out the gate without me let alone three streets over. He saw a friend across the street last week when we were in town and darted across quick as a flash, gave me heart failure. Things can happen so fast. I'd be worried about someone grabbing him too.