To want to go out for dinner with just my husband on my birthday

[mkmjimmy]

My birthday is in the middle of the week this year and my plan was to go out for dinner to a nice fish restaurant with my husband. But it's the day we normally have teenage dsd round to stay. It's not set in stone it's that day she comes round, it can be flexible. But we are out working the other nights she could come round this week. We've missed is week visits because she or we can't make it and it's fine. If she comes out for dinner with us she'd like to to somewhere 'family friendly' not the nice fish restaurant.

Could get take out and invite the in laws round, but feel that's more something for oh birthday than mine. (I do really like dsd and in laws they are lovely). So aibu to just want to go out to the lovely place with husband on my birthday?

Does DSD not eat fish?

yanbu

go out with your husband, it's a special day

you are a couple, as well as parents

Can't you go to the fish restaurant to create your birthday another day?

Do you have to do it on your birthday? Could you not do it at the weekend instead?

Celebrate not create

YANBU. Provided your teenaged DSD is safe and secure at home, whichever that may be, there's no reason on earth why you shouldn't go out just as a couple on your birthday. If you're worried about excluding her you could always invite her for lunch or dinner in a more family friendly venue on another day.

Go! Enjoy!

Why not go somewhere family friendly on your birthday or have the takeaway meal and then go to a fish restaurant another night when your DSD isn't there. You get two meals out. and there is no chance that DSD will think you don't won't her there.

two meals

What would you do if it was your DD rather than your DSD?

I would not disturb dsd visiting arrangements for an adults birthday unless it was a significant one. You can celebrate together, or alone another night.

Totally agree with Hooby .... if your relationship with SD is good and contact is flexible generally with no issues there's no good reason why you shouldn't celebrate your birthday on your birthday, doing what you want to do - it's one day a year after all. A teenager is old enough to understand that some adults would want to mark the occasion in that way and no offence is intended.

FWIW my birthday is also midweek this year and if we had access to a babysitter that night, and if I didn't have a heavy workload that particular day I'd have no hesitation in going out without my kids - and I'd also ask to swap contact with stepkids if it fell on that day .... obviously suggesting an alternative.

I have no idea why people are responding all hesitantly about your proposal - as if you'd be leaving SD sat shivering on the doorstep or something. If you'd posted the same question about your own child in this scenario I'm sure most replies would have said of course you should go. Adults booking babysitters, or leaving older teenagers at home (if they can be trusted), or making other arrangements (e.g. with kids staying with family) so they can go out once in a while is pretty normal and I really feel stepkids should be treated as normally as possible too with stuff like this.

YANBU.

Do you and your DH both work on the same evenings, or could he have her / take her out a different evening when you are working?

Otherwise, maybe you could have her for two evenings next week to make up for it.

If it was us, that's what we would do.

Don't have a dd so can't say if I would or not. I just quite fancied going out for a nice meal on my actual birthday rather than a meal in a not great place with a teenager who will want to eat and go. Rather than say linger over a bottle of cheap fizz. We eat out as a family pretty often so I know the drill.

The majority seem to think it is unreasonable so probably am being.

Catsmother - thank you I hadn't read your post before posting!

The only reason I can think of not to go is if it is likely to cause more trouble than it's worth in terms of DSD feeling pushed out / ex getting huffy about changing contact days / DH feeling guilty and not really being 'present' at your meal.

If none of those things are likely to apply (and there is no reason why they necessarily should) then for gods sake go for it!

mkm
As its your birthday and your DHs daughter, have a chat with her mum and ask that she changes day so that
YOU get a special meal and
SHE gets a special meal and her
MUM gets her in a good mood rather than feeling like a spare part
and your
DH gets two meals with the two special ladies in his life

everybody wins

I expect if her dad takes her out shopping at the weekend that will keep her happy. Contact gets more flexible as they get older. I think she'd prefer that to coming out for a meal with us! Not because I'm her step mum but just because she's at that age when she'd rather be with her mates than be seen out with parents...

If you have a good relationship, and you seem to, then I'm sure she'll be fine with it.

We didn't take our DS's out on our birthdays when they were teenagers.