to only spend what we can afford on Christmas presents?

[ChristmasCrackersHoHoHo]

Just that really. I've been brought up to live within my means, so I'm not tight-fisted with gifts but I do have a budget for them which won't require living on baked beans until April/still be paying off credit card debt next Christmas.

However, my ILs seem to be into giving big presents regardless - for example, even when my SIL was unemployed she still spent probably 20 on both myself and my husband, when I didn't really expect her to spend anything, or maybe just a token gift, and MIL has suggested to other SIL this year that she gets DC1 a gift that costs the same amount that we're spending on him (and other SIL has less money than us)

Am desperately trying to find good online deals so it looks like we've spent more than we have on them, as DH feels we need to match their expectations whereas tbh I'm a bit resentful of having to spend money on things they probably don't really need anyway for the sake of keeping up appearances. Additionally we will be spending Christmas Day with both his family and mine, and mine would be horrified if we gave them expensive gifts (like the ones DH wants to get his family) as they know we can't really afford it, but I don't want to be giving expensive gifts to his family and not mine, especially since my family do loads to help us while his family do far less.

So: AIBU to just buy both families what we can afford?

I would take Betsy's suggestion- and stick to it.
We stopped buying for adults years ago - apart from the elderly.
Last year we relaxed it as we were seeing a lot of them on the day, but we did a Secret Santa and each person bought only one present- with the max being £5. It was fun and saved spending a lot.

i am sorry but my attitude is .as long as my children get what they would like .i just give the rest a small gift if that,s all the money i have left .i would never spend the same on my niece.s that i spend on my own three i am maybe being miserable .but my children are my first priority

I think Christmas has lost its meaning, I mean the presents children get /ask for these days is ridiculous.

My eldest dd has asked for a bunch of stuff mostly fairly cheap (apart from the ds the average is about £8-10), we've bought some, I've dished some out for my parents and mil to get. I also told her that she might not get everything on her list and if she really wanted them she could buy them with any money she may get. She's 7.

Christmas has lost it's meaning so much now.

As has been said earlier, shop within your means.

Yes I'd be upfront and text them and not ask your DH if it's ok. Say you are keeping Xmas gifts small due to finances and if people would prefer to do a secret Santa instead, you'd be interested, finances allowing

We do the same. We put a bit away every week so we don't miss it as we're not used to having it IYSWIM. We spend between £10-£20 on other people as its parents/siblings/kids etc. Whatever's left gets split between us and our kids. They don't get iPads/Xbox one amounts spent but they don't go without either. Family do the same as us as none of us are well off.

The only problem we have is DSD's mother is the type to run up huge debts to buy a laptop, iPhone and big name clothes (this was last years gifts) for DSD, all on credit and then asks for extra maintenance as she can't pay her bills (dream on love). Then what we've bought DSD looks rubbish in comparison.

I refuse to get into debt for one day of the year. The exception will be when the kids go to high school and need laptops for their work, they'll get a basic one that will do what they need and the will be all they get from us.

I get most of the adults presents from boots on 3 for 2 and wait for their shopping event and get £10 of points per £50 spent which then goes towards birthday presents after Christmas.

It won't help much this year but in January boots sell off loads of the Christmas stock really cheap - £20 gift sets for £5 type thing. You do have to be quick though as they go really fast.

My IL's are the same.
I feel that they try and buy love by the amount of presents that they give the children. My husband and I live within our means also but my IL's didn't over the years and I think there is an element of 'Keeping up with the Jones's' with them.

Thankfully my children are quite happy with just one main present to unwrap which suits me fine (although this year one of my children has just asked for a pack of white TickTacks for Christmas)
I keep trying to tell my IL's that they do not have to spend loads of money on presents but they ignore us and just try and make us out to be cheapskates.

My MIL is like a massive, spoiled kid at Christmas. Both times I have been there Christmas Day she has piled all her presents around her, that all the lurvely friends and family have given her, then has this ceremony, for want of a better word, where she makes us watch as she unwraps and examines and makes cooing noises about each one. It takes about a fucking hour. We also are expected to make cooing noises and talk about what lurvely friends she has.

When she opens our gift, the tone changes, and it gets put aside with no comment or thanks.

Last time she had a quiet word, when we didn't buy his sister, who has never bought anything for anyone and has never thanked us for anything we have given her, and she told me about how hurt her mini me was.

Thank fuck we are NC now.

I come from a big family and we had to come to a sensible arrangement as the expense was getting silly. In my immediate family we are 10 adults so names go in a hat and we buy for one other adult,secret santa,max £15. There are 13 kids on my side of family so again, each of the 4 couples buy for 3-4 neices/nephews max £15 and that is the 'family gift' for the kids. My husbands side of the family are smaller so we buy for them individually but I would never spend more than £5 on any one person. I have to buy for over 40 people so have to be very clever,buying over the year in sales etc.

Yanbu at all. Never get into debt over Christmas presents.

YANBU and tell your DH to get his family to adjust their expectations and expenditure accordingly

And/or have a quiet word with SILs and encourage them to scale it all back