to want some life for me?

[sammycruick]

All I ever seem to do is stuff for other people: keep house, look after kids, work, keep dh happy. The kids are 4 and 5 now. Is it too soon for me to reclaim some of my life?

Of course not. Get a calendar and put down when you want to go out and your DH will have to be at home. Announce you are going out for the day at a weekend. Get babysitters and go out with DH- if you haven't got family to babysit advertise or join a circle.
You must have time when they are at school or nursery to do something.

The number one goal to achieve in order to keep your family happy is to keep YOU happy.
Make time for yourself not just for a dinner date or cinema trip. But every single day for half an hour in the mornings and afternoons. Cup of tea and tv - keeps me sane keeps me happy means I'm my best for my dd

For January get one if those family organiser calendars with a column for each of the family and mark things down. Make sure that you have things in a column just for you. I went to the library book group tonight - if you like reading enquire at your library. It is free, once a month, only takes about an hour and a half and we get tea and cake! A good starting point.

Read how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. Honestly.

Thanks for the tips. When they're at nursery/school I work (3 days a week). I also work a couple of evenings, so dh expects me at home the rest of the time. And at weekends I feel that I should be with the family. Especially with the oldest at school now, it's about the only time I get to spend with him.

dh expects me at home

if you want to have some time away from them all then do so. As others have said a hobby or see friends.

You can have a date night at home though after kids go up bed get a takeaway and film etc.

Sounds like you want the first though.

We do 'date nights' which I find kind of meaningless, as we've been together over 10 years and a takeaway/film is hardly romantic.

Tbh most evenings I'm so knackered from work/kids that I just want to sit down for a bit, then go to sleep.

As for daytime, I try to have a 45min/1hour sit down after lunch which we call quiet time. The kids are meant to play on their own and I set a timer to show how long they have left. I spend most of this time being asked every mins whether quiet time is over yet!

I think you just have to get him used to 'expecting' something else!
I have been married more than double your time and we can still have romance and fun. You need to stop feeling like the old married couple and the mother because in 14 yrs time it will just be the two of you - possibly for decades! Go away for a weekend if you can get someone to have the children and forget you are parents!

Does DP expect himself to be at home when he's not at work, or just you? Does he have hobbies/time to himself?

He doesn't have hobbies which is apparently my fault for working evenings, so he can't go out whenever he likes. There's enough money for a sitter, but he chooses not to book one. He has hobbies he does at home (computer gamed/ jigsaw puzzles etc). He does those when I'm at work.

We go out once every other month for dinner with friends or to a show. We tried to go away for a weekend this year, but after having it booked for ages had to cancel as he had a work trip. I went with the kids instead.