to shout at dh

[MrsAtticus]

I'll try and keep this brief. Dh has habit if dcs are ill of trying to find someone or something to blame, often me. I've leatnt it comes from fear and worry and he often apologises for it later. Last night ds2 up alnight crying for unknown reasons. He's 9 months. We've been lucky not to have this sort of thing very often. Dh and I were both up with him for a while, but it was me and my breasts he wanted so dh went to bed and I settled in for a long night, after breathing deeply through a series of questions regarding what I had fed him, if I had dressed him warmly enough, and if I had taken him near any ill kids. At 6am having not slept I wad changing him and the cryong woke dh up. He came down and continued with the questioning, concluding that the natural yoghurt which has been open for 3 days was what made him ill and said "this is what happens when you don't listen" at which point I got very angry and told him to go away and stop being stupid. We never speak to eachothet like this and he thinks I was way out of order, but I feel I was pushed! So do I apologise? No LTBs please its not that bad

He's the one being unreasonable. Saying "this is what happens when you don't listen" was incredibly patronising and I'm not surprised you shouted at him.

He sounds like a "blamer". I had one of these and it's horribly stressful and tedious. Does he attempt to blame you if other things in life go wrong?

I don't think you should apologise at all, he'd have been wearing a nappy on his head I he were my DH.

He is being unreasonable.

There would be nothing more annoying that being told that dcs illness that is causing problems for you and not him is your fault. It is not your fault. Children simply get ill.

Looks to me like a classic ploy to get out of being any help. It's your fault therefore you get to cope with the sleepless night. Job done.

I've almost started a thread like this so many times. Dh does it. Grr.

Don't ltb kill him. No judge in the land would convict on that basis.

If it really comes from fear & worry then he needs help.

"This is what happens when you don't listen" WTAF??

Still, at least he's not worried enough to not be a patronising git.

Thanks for all the replies! Well I managed to refrain from burying him under the patio, and sauntered over with a rather stiff apology later in the day, and got one back.
He did actually tell me to go to bed and get some sleep at the time we had the argument but by that time I was too angry.
Turningthirty you make a good point. He comes from a very different culture and a very large family, I know 2 of his siblings died when they were very young, and I'm not sure of the cause (he was too young to understand at the time and won't discuss it with his mum now).
He's actually going to the doctors next week to discuss feeling a bit generally rubbish in winter, so I might see if I can get him to mention anxiety we well.
In summary, he was in the wrong, perhaps there are reasons for his behaviour, I overreacted, we've both apologised, so we'll put it down to experience I think!

I'm glad to hear he is going to the GP. DH is North African and also had a couple of siblings die in childhood and certainly was a lot quicker to rush the DC off to the doctor when they were young. I would be a bit "...its just a cold" and he would be a lot more worried. Then he talked about the day his older brother died and it all made sense.

Just the same in our house chaz, thankfully we have a lovely doctor who never tires of explaining how a common cold doesn't actually require any medicine!