step children and inheritance?

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Not a taat but the thread about the grandmother's will has got me thinking...

As executors of dh's grandparents' wills, we are privy to the contents. They are cutting out their only child (dh's mum) due to nc. Instead their wills split everything equally between dh ( their only other living blood relative) and his half sister, his dad's daughter, to whom they are only related through their estranged daughter's marriage.

aibu to be a bit surprised? Before i get flamed, i should say that i absolutely think that it is their right to give their assets to whoever they choose, we love his half sister and wouldn't begrudge her a penny, and the estate will not be significant. They have obviously seen each other at family events (eg our wedding, our children's birthdays/ christenings) but due to the long term estrangement with their daughter this is not frequent, and i do not think they have any other contact. Fwiw, i think it is lovely that they are obviously trying to be "fair" whatever that is, but i was wondering if this is usual?

We don't think about what our dsc may or may not inherit from 'the other side'. They are our family now and our only concern is our own bequests. Five equal ways and nicknacks to dgc.

My father didn't leave his stepchildren anything (they were adult when he married their mother) but he treated all his grandchildren and step-grandchildren equally with his bequests.

I highly doubt my step-mother (who, to be fair, we became estranged from) would have treated her step-grandchildren the same.

But there is quite a backstory there too which does also sour my judgement somewhat,

I hate wills and all that. DH is executor to his Dad and we've found that he's left his entire estate to DH and his sister and nothing at all to DHs mum. THey're not living together any more but still married and on good terms so I'm a bit surprised that he has done this.

I don't know if MIL knows but I think she's going to be dissapointed.

According to my DM when she dies my DB and I and our stepfather get a third of the house and savings/antiques etc...

But my stepfather also gets to choose (I think) if he remains in the family home and I'm not sure if we can or would want to force a sale (DB and I).

My stepfather also has a holiday home in France which is jointly owned by him and my DM and that's left to DM if he dies first or DB and I upon his death etc if DM dies first.

My DM is 10 years older than stepfather but in good health. Basically my stepfather says that regardless as he has no children and does not want his family in Ireland to inherit it all comes to DB and I.

To be honest all of this makes me feel uncomfortable as my DM's DF (grandfather) was very grasping and bitter about unfair wills not in his favour... and there were rows...

ClawHands are your DH's DF and DM legally separated though?

I wouldn't expect any provision to be made by grandparents for step-children if the relationship with the parent of the child is over and maybe not even if it isn't.
Then again, who knows, my views are somewhat skewed anyway re inheritance since I won't inherit anything from my mother as she's leaving it all to my older (half) brother as she knows that I will inherit from my father whereas he won't as his father has nothing to leave.

Super to be honest I have no idea.

What I am concerned about is this worst-case scenario: DS marries his current partner who has a daughter; she outlives him (she is 19 years his junior); either he does not make a will or does so but leaves everything to new wife, who proceeds to pass the lot on to her daughter; nothing for our grandchildren.

We need to redo our wills to stop this happenning.

Tricky you can set up a trust fund for your DGCs to prevent that.

Yes, thanks Silent, that's the sort of thing I meant regarding re-doing wills. Must get around to it, not just think.

My share of assets well be shared between my dc. Dh's assets will be shared between his dc. If he dies first,I will get every thing, but I will alter my will to include step children in the correct proportions. I won't be getting remarried for the reason of making sure everyone gets there fair share.although the there won't be that much to go round.

Left out of whose will, though, EllaJayne? Your grandparents? Or someone else's? Presumably you had two 'other' sets of GPs, on your mother's side and your father's? Did they make/have they made provision for you? And if so, did they also leave something for your step-siblings, even though they are not biologically related? Rightly or wrongly, I think a lot of people of a certain generation view blended families differently. That may change in future, as it becomes ever more the norm.

My parents are dividing everything equally between children and stepchildren.

My husband's stepfather OTOH left his millions only to his natural children not his stepchildren.

its unusual, and dont even try and pretend you are not a tad miffed OP- I suspect if you are honest there is some chagrain that your DH does not get 100% no?

It's obvious that the half-sister is considered a grandchild. When my step-father died, he included my step-children in his will, along with my brother's children, because he considered them all his grandchildren.

My df died nearly 2 years ago. I was nc but he left me a large proportion of his estate and nothing for his stepchildren. He had seperated from my stepmother.they had sold their house so his estate was only his half of the proceeds as he didn't get around to buying a new place for himself before he died. He felt the stepchildren would be provided for under her share of the proceeds when they separated. She is taking me to court over it.

My grandparents on my mum's side left small sums to the stepchildren and my stepfsther's mum left me some antiques when she died.

My dm and dsf have told us in their wills they will just be leaving everything to the surviving partner and its up to them what happens after that.

I'm not sure what is right and what isn't apart from that a person's wishes should be carried out no matter what they are. In my case it still hasn't gone to court and most of it will be frittered away in legal fees.

Here's another slant on the step-family will scenario - happened to a good friend of mine.

Her DM died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage at about 60 years old, was married to stepfather of my friend, no DC. All money/house was left to stepfather and nothing to the DD apart from possessions etc (my friend) who was adult - about 34/35 when this happened but with 2 DC of her own.

BUT my friend had been left about £30K by her GM (grandmother) her DM's DM (maternal) not long before her DM died.

My friend's stepfather gave her some money, helped her out etc (enough to buy a house, pay off bills etc) and then moved abroad but my friend was angry/upset enough to feel slighted by her DM. Now the rifts have been mended between my friend and her stepfather as he is DGF (grandfather) to her DC who are now late teens/young adults. But it was all very awkward and there were harsh words for a while.

mrsnec - i think in your case it's different as there's a separation. but also why should your DF provide for the SC (non biological) and not you? Not that he has to provide for you.

Surely the SC are of an age where they can make their own way in life...

out of another slant my mum for years told my DB and I that she was leaving all to DB and I and nothing to stepfather, including leaving the house to us and not him which is his family home. We felt this was unfair to him and it is really. What complicates things even more is my mum and stepfather aren't married though he's stepfather really to us. I have had a rocky relationship with him though and if he cut me out (as he would be within his rights to do so) I wouldn't blame him...

But my DM and DB expect him to behave properly and sensibly and to look after me (I own my property, mortgage anyway!) partly as I'm unmarried whereas DB is and he has assets that come with that. This all sounds really graspy which is not what I want at all in my mind or to sound like.

I keep joking I'd leave anything to a Cats Home if I don't have DC (highly likely) but would probably leave to DNieces/Nephews and DB/DSIL if it came down to it. For me, jewellery (mum's heirlooms from her grandmother) would pass to female relatives on that side.

Fromparis, no, no chagrin. At the end of the day it is his sister and our niece and nephew and they need it much more than we do, and it really wont be much.

super, not sure i followed your friend scenario- do you mean her dm inherited £30k from her gm but it then passed to the stepfather instead of her?

My step dads will is everything between my 1/2 brother and myself.

Bedraggled - no my friend (lets call her Talula) inherited £30K from her GM (which was always the intention).

I think her DM - lets call her Daisy (DD of GM, so maternal side) knew about GM leaving the huge sum to her DD (Talula) so I think maybe that's why she didn't rectify her will, as she thought Talula was being cared for by being left £30K by her GM (Daisy's DM).

Also, my friend (Talula) is an only but she was quite a handful, her DM (Daisy) helped her out a lot financially, emotionally etc and maybe she thought she'd done her duty there to her DD.

There's also the question Daisy didn't know she'd have the brain haemorrhage (how could she?) so it was quite sudden, who knows if the will may have been changed at a later stage etc...

My friend (Talula) was mostly upset as I think she thought she'd get the family home (she lives in a council house) and it was a nice Victorian style family home - or I think she at least thought her stepfather would live there.... but he was so devastated at his wife's death that he sold up and moved abroad...