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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have no idea what to do with my 4 week old...

59 replies

Binglesplodge · 08/11/2014 20:19

... when he's awake?!

For the first few weeks with him, it was a case of changing, feeding, and he'd drop back off to sleep. He wasn't often awake and alert unless he was crying, in which case feeding usually sent him back off to sleep! Obviously as he gets older he is awake and calm for slightly longer periods but I find most of the things I try (cuddling, time on the play mat, time in the bouncy chair, making faces, chatting to him) result in crying within a fairly short time. Then I find myself feeding him to settle him and hoping he'll fall back asleep.

How can I enjoy the awake time? I've begun to dread it because I know it will fairly quickly end in tears. Is it unusual to enjoy feeding and putting baby to sleep but to be nervous of spending time with them when they're awake? I need to figure this out because the awake time will only get longer as he gets older and I don't have any real strategies for filling it...

OP posts:
ghostvitruvius · 08/11/2014 21:05

If he roots I would just feed him regardless of how recently he has been fed. It's totally natural for newborns to want to be at the breast constantly.

Jengnr · 08/11/2014 21:10

Sing to him.

When we brought our baby home we didn't know what to do with him. So we put him in his bouncy/vibrating chair (godsend) and sang songs to him. :) He loves a good singsong now still (almost two). I'm not sure if it's his genes or the conditioning early on :)

Oh and FYI every time you go for a poo look around and savour the fact that you don't have an audience. Because before you know it you will :D

Congratulations on your baby xx

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 08/11/2014 21:10

Yy to constant feeding, mine were flailers too and would only settle for feeding... You can't overfeed him if ebf so go ahead.
Once he starts holding/ tracking objects he'll become a bit distracted from crying/ flailing and once his head control is better you can put him on his tummy/ under a baby gym and he'll be happy for a while.

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 08/11/2014 21:10

I bloody love / !

FishWithABicycle · 08/11/2014 21:10

Remember that all the doing-something-that-isn't-eating-or-sleeping is incredibly tiring for a 4 week old. The crying is because he's exhausted with all the excitement and stimulation of the bouncy chair/making faces etc. It's OK for him not to be simulated all the time when he's awake-but-not-crying. Sometimes just looking at the ceiling is interesting enough.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 08/11/2014 21:20

I call it 'baby ennui' - it's like they suddenly reach a point where they have periods when they arent tired, hungry or pooey; and they don't know what to do with themselves. My DSs used to do a half hearted whingey cry. At five weeks you might get a smile out of him though Grin

Bardette · 08/11/2014 21:22

If he's rooting and crying when you put him down he's probably still hungry. They eat all the time at this age, but it's not forever. Take the time to sit, rest and recover. Plenty of time for running around later.

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/11/2014 21:37

Pop him in the bouncy chair and have him in the kitchen when you're making dinner, give a running commentary: "now I'm chopping the potatoes" etc., do that all round the house, putting clothes away etc. Smile

HappyAgainOneDay · 08/11/2014 21:40

Gostvitruvius How can you have a bath with a 4 week-old baby? What do you do with the baby while you are soaping yourself? Or do you just get in the bath with him/her?

So you are both wet. Who is dried first, you or the baby? You could be drying the baby and getting sold because you are still wet or vice versa.....

And suppose you get out of the bath holding the baby and slip while doing so? I suppose you could lean over the side and put the baby on the floor while you get yourself out of the bath .....

HappyAgainOneDay · 08/11/2014 21:40

...getting cold ...

Tigercake · 08/11/2014 21:43

Mostly mine just fed at that age and slept much of the rest of the time. If they rooted then they got fed. If they were awake and I was doing something else I carried them round, often chattering a narrative of what I was doing with my one free hand. With my 2nd, 3rd and 4th they would have been in a sling to give me hands free.

Tigercake · 08/11/2014 21:44

Oh and if it all gets too much, bung baby in sling and go out for a walk. It can be overwhelming being at home just with a baby.

ghostvitruvius · 08/11/2014 21:45

Happy - you just lie in the bath with the baby on your chest/stomach rather than washing your hair and shaving your legs Grin

I always put the baby down on the floor on a towel first then got out rather than climb out holding the baby. Have the bathroom well heated but get the baby sorted first. It's not that tricky!

mummyrunnerbean · 08/11/2014 22:19

We bought [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Shapes-Books-Mobile-Set/dp/1903275520 these] on the health visitor's recommendation when DS was about four weeks old. It was her single bit of excellent advice... He loved the first book and the mobile straight away and now at 15 weeks finds all four books endlessly fascinating.

mummyrunnerbean · 08/11/2014 22:20

Ergh can't seem to do links on phone. Look on amazon for Baby Shapes books - they're genuinely brilliant.

IceBeing · 08/11/2014 23:35

hmm...my baby hated being held / cuddled until she was 6 months or so. She was suffering from over stimulation. In the end we worked out that beige clothes, no toys, no lights, no strange faces was pretty much the only way to get a smiley happy baby.

Original poster
Binglesplodge · 09/11/2014 17:35

IceBeing - I wonder if mine is the same! He may just be too little but he gets fussy very quickly if you hold him in your arms and talk/sing to him.

OP posts:
chasingtherainbow · 09/11/2014 17:42

I remember freaking out when my girl stopped falling asleep on the breast and I
was like... what do I do now!? And wondering if I wasn't feeding/making enough milk etc. Please don't worry.

Pop baby in a chair and just do whatever you need to do. My nephew hates being cuddled and any attempts to play with him (he's 6 weeks) just end with him getting cross. He just wants to be left to watch you.

I hope your doing ok xx

Blueberrymuffint0p · 09/11/2014 18:46

My ds would get easily over stimulated at this age. I was all singing all dancing. Just relax, potter about.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 09/11/2014 18:52

icebeing both of mine went through a stage at around 3 months where you HAD to put them down in a darkened room and go away, if you wanted them to calm down and sleep. They were usually exhausted and desperate to sleep but couldn't because they were so overstimulated by my mere presence.

Oddly, cuddling them with the TV on (grown-up tv, like Star Trek) sends them right off now (aged 2 and 3) Wink

editthis · 09/11/2014 19:08

I remember feeling like this OP! Lots of good suggestions here, but I would add just try to do things that YOU will enjoy: whether that's baby cinema, or going shopping, or to galleries, or on walks, or on the bus, or even staying at home and snuggling on the sofa in front of a film. Your baby will enjoy the new sights and sounds and you'll be happier if you are able to fill the days.

As someone said above, baby massage and singing classes helped me with things to do at home with mine, and, almost more importantly, got me out of the house and chatting to other people with babies in the area.

I found the early days very long and extremely difficult, and found it hard to bond with my daughter. She is now twenty months and my best little buddy, we have a ball together. In my experience, it just took some time to get to know each other and now I don't find it hard to find fun stuff to do. Smile

Andrewofgg · 09/11/2014 19:13

My niece puts her DD, now thirteen weeks, in a bouncy chair which plays music when her foot hits a particular bit of it, and she is getting the hang of it. A wonderful thing, far too good for LOs Smile and you might like to look for it.

Boomeranggirl · 09/11/2014 19:36

Fisher price rainforest swing - best invention ever!! My DS loved it from about four weeks and would happily sit in it watching me fold washing, sort out paperwork, anything really. It's his chill out chair now and I'm dreading when we can't use it anymore.

Other ideas:

We did baby swimming which was great fun.
Walking in the fresh air was good, I talk to him about what we were seeing.
Lots of cuddles and dancing round to music.
Singing to him was his favourite thing and works a treat now to calm him down.
Just chatting away to him was great.

He didn't really get into his playmat until he was 6/7 weeks.

DS is six months and I do random stuff now to be honest, tonight we set up a mini disco in his playtent (torch and Christmas decoration mirror ball) and put some music on- he loved it!!! great fun Grin

Go with your gut instinct. What do you like to do at home? Adapt it to include baby.

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/11/2014 20:24

HappyAgainOneDay And suppose you get out of the bath holding the baby and slip while doing so? I suppose you could lean over the side and put the baby on the floor while you get yourself out of the bath .....

I used to just let the water drain and then lie the baby on the bottom bath while I got out and wrapped a towel around myself and took baby out.

SingSongSlummy · 09/11/2014 20:32

Boomerang don't worry, when they're too big for the Rainforest swingyou can move on to the rainforest Jumperoo - another lifesaver

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