To be avoiding my married friends

[DarlingDaisyGirl]

Have nc for this. Two weeks ago l split from my partner of 3 years after discovering he had been cheating on me with at least 3 OW for months as well as having an online dating profile. It has completely devastated me, we had talked about getting married & having kids, l trusted him totally and never thought he would be the kind of man to do this. The whole thing is still very raw and l'm still struggling to get through the day without crying.

I don't have close family so friends have rallied round, some visited and all have sent supportive texts (although some have been a bit patronising along the lines of don't worry you'll be over him soon and find someone else when you least expect it )

All of my friends have long term partners, and a few are quite recently married. In the last few years since settling down most of them have tried to avoid going out socially at weekends, preferring to visit each other's houses for coffee (most of them don't drink or drink very little).

I spoke to one of my friends last week and told her how hard l was finding things and that l was dreading weekends in particular when everyone was off doing nice things with their dp's. I explained that right now l just want to get really drunk and go out for a bit of a dance to forget it. In response she sent a group text suggesting we all go over to hers tonight for coffee one of my friends replied excitedly that she was going to bring her wedding photos to show us. I just can't bare the thought of listening to my friends talking about their happy lives and all their exciting Christmas plans with their dp's. I honestly don't begrudge my friends happiness but right now l just don't want to hear about it, it just makes me realise what l have lost and may never have

Another friend has offered to take me out tonight and get very drunk and have a good moan about things. However my other friend has taken the hump saying that she invited me first and that everyone just wants to be there for me. AIBU for avoiding them?

Where I lived in my party days in So Cal it was either real Mexican Food in some hole in the wall or breakfast in some Mom & Pop place. In & Out burger if we just wanted something fast. Not sure about other areas in the US, we're pretty spread out and other regions may have their own 'hangover prevention cuisine'.

Thank you for all your replies everyone
To be fair my friends are lovely people albeit a little boring but they all live in their own little happy bubbles.
I spoke to my friend and explained that I just couldn't sit and listen to them gushing about their lives tonight and coo over wedding photos the way l am feeling.
Currently sitting with a glass of wine all glammed up to go out with my other friend, for the first time in ages l am feeling a little positive about things though I'm sure I'll feel differently later when I'm crying into my kebab ha!

You are we rid of him, thank god you didn't have children or get married to an utter wanker like that.

Your friend is an insensitive ass.

Hope you have a lovely time out tonight.

Have a good night out with plenty of drinks and dancing and enjoy your wedding photo free evening! Hope you wake up with a clear head tomorrow too.

Oh have fun, dance your socks off, chat to EVERYONE and enjoy yourself. And take an umbrella!

I can understand where you're coming from but your friends can't help their marital status.

The one who wanted to share her wedding photos was an inconsiderate bitch but the others just are where they are.

You deserve so much better than a slime ball who has a dating profile whilst having a long term girlfriend.

enjoy your night and hopefully wake up with a kebab on your pillow

I don't think the OP begrudges her friend's marital status, but surely they (at least one of them!) could take OP to get drunk?!

Good choice OP, you've explained why you don't want to do coffee and wedding photo's. It's their problem if they really cant understand that.

and the pp saying you'll get over him and find someone else, you're total tits too.

Yanbu. The wedding photo thing is just plain WRONG!

No one has the remotest interest in someone else's wedding photos, any more than they do in someone else's piles/dreams/rubber band collection.

OP, sympathies. It's a horrible, unfair thing to happen. Do your drinking and dancing and grieving. I have to say that, however nice your current bunch are, it sounds as if you should expand your friendship circle. I'm married myself, currently unwillingly teetotal for health reasons, and would rather nail my own ear to the wall than enter a nightclub, but my idea of a good time isn't looking at wedding photos or gassing about 'exciting Christmas plans'. Gag.

(In fact, you might like me. I got married in jeans, don't remember the date, and don't actually have a single wedding photo.)

the booze-up + dirty kebab night sounds much more fun to me and I'm 6 years married and 8.5 month pregnant. Hope you're having a fab time OP.

I actually like looking at wedding photos but I wouldn't dream of being so tactless as to propose that as a fun activity for a newly single friend! That friend is a tactless bitch and the rest aren't much better.

Hope you're having a fun well lubricated night out and don't shed too many tears

I'm guessing that if your friends are lovely people as you say then as soon as the wedding woman sent the email the person who organised it replied to her "Nooooooo! The meet up is supposed to make (op) feel better!" and wedding woman replied "Oh ffs I can't believe I said that. She probably hates me now. Groan!" That's if they are lovely people anyway.

Ime the only people who want to see wedding photos are your parents, your children and you (but only when you are atleast 20 years from your wedding day!). I have all of ours in an album plus a disc and have looked at them twice, once when we got them and once to find a decent photo of my headpiece when I was making one for somone else!

The coffee drinkers could be great support, but not on the night when they are having a review of someone's wedding photos or any other wedding related activity. Tell them you will probably enjoy that sort of thing again in a few weeks/months/someday. But not today.

Where I lived in my party days in So Cal it was either real Mexican Food in some hole in the wall or breakfast in some Mom & Pop place. In & Out burger if we just wanted something fast. Not sure about other areas in the US, we're pretty spread out and other regions may have their own 'hangover prevention cuisine'.

ACROSSTHEPOND is making me cry!

In & Out! In & Out! That's what a hamburger is aall about!

Waaaaah!

op hope you had a good night out and danced the night away. Hope you didn't sob into your kebab - thinking if you. Update us on how the night went?

How insensitive of your friend, they are the twat, not you! I wouldn't want to go either if everyone was going to be cooing over wedding photos when I had just split up with my partner.

If I had invited a single friend over to have dinner or whatever and they then got an invite to go out and have fun, I would immediately press them to go go go with my absolute blessing. This is also true of kids parties, to which they are invited unless they get a better offer.

I really hope you had an amazing night out OP. Your post could be written by myself; am also just out of a 3 years plus relationship and conscientiously staying away from the marrieds who won't ever leave their children/husbands to do anything remotely interesting/fun any more. Find some other less self absorbed people to hang out with for the days you don't fancy wedding pics/coffee/patronisation xx

I had a great night everyone and l didn't even cry once I did get very drunk but I spoke to lots of people which is something l wouldn't normally do and l felt almost human again. Feeling very hungover today but not to sad and currently planning what greasy food to get to cure the hangover, dominos or mcdonalds?
Wedding photo friend posted on fb today that she had a great night showing her wedding album to everyone I should explain that we have already seen the photos, shortly after the wedding we were all invited over to hers to see all 2000+ photos in a slideshow, last night she was merely showing everyone the album with the chosen photos in it.
I do agree that l probably need to expand my social circle, something l realised even before l found out ex was a lying cheating twat. The prospect of single life is still all very scary to me.

McDonalds, definitely with lots of coke!

Wow, wedding photo "friend" really needs a kick doesnt she? Selfish moo.

That is coca cola not the other sort of coke! :o

Oh JEEZ LOUISE! Does wedding photo friend also refer to herself as Mrs (husband's full name)? She's pretty damn dim as far as I'm concerned. I'll bet she was a bridezilla!

Glad you had a good night! Now get the greasiest junkiest food you can find then retire to your sofa and watch crap TV. Can anyone think of and old trashy movies where the leading man 'gets it' in the end?

Cheers, Momagain1!! I'd post you a Double Double & some Animal Fries but I'm afraid it wouldn't taste very good by the time you got it!!