To not be sure if I want to marry?

[globeshine]

In general I mean. Not to someone in particular.

I read threads on here and just can't imagine arguing with somebody over what needs doing, what needs spending, what to do at weekends and so on. In some ways it's easier to stay single.

I am getting on a bit (34) and while I can't imagine living with someone I do want children and I do get lonely sometimes but it just seems too much hassle!

Or is mumsnet skewing my views!?

You probably do have a few years, but it might be worth actively trying to be efficient about it, online dating and so on. Depending on how important having children is to you.

You can travel with children and a husband, if you so wish. I don't think husbands are hard work, as such, it's just that obviously living with someone gives you less freedom than living alone. But with the right person, you still have freedom, it's just that they also have freedom, and they'll pull you in all sorts of directions that you might not have thought about or had the energy to do alone. And now you have to summon up the energy anyway! That's the annoying thing about relationships, which is not to say that there aren't positives - absolutely, the positives outweigh the annoyingness, but the annoying stuff is still there. I think I'm just lazy

Compare it to something like personal hygeine. It's a pain to have to wash, shave, shower, deal with wet hair, get your hair cut, spend money on products, go to the dentist. But the benefits of doing so are huge - sure, you could choose to forgo this effort, and end up with itchy and painful skin, be smelly all the time, have teeth which hurt when you eat and fall out, look unattractive when you see yourself in a mirror. I'd rather spend a little time and effort on the hygiene stuff for the fact that it's more pleasant to be clean and healthy. And over time it just becomes the most normal thing in the world, to the point that it doesn't seem any effort to do these things. And I think it's the same for accommodating a partner in a relationship.

I felt & still do feel like that. I'm getting married, but it scares me a little letting go of my single self. Luckily, I'm with the right person. We understand each other's ways. He's similarly independent, but very happy to be in our relationship. Living together is not always easy! I hazard that having children is a whole other curveball...

At one point I found myself thinking that if I could afford to buy myself my own flat and be totally independent then I would be. I live with a partner and I do love him but sometimes I wonder if we're still together just because I'm afraid of the alternative. I don't earn a huge amount and could never afford a property in London and nor do I want to be in a flat share at my age. Better the devil you know, eh?

I would be perfectly content on my own and sometimes I wish for 5 minutes peace and I think that is what makes our partnership stronger (I am quite sure that DH would cope on his own as well).
We don't 'need' each other, we want to be together, and yes, sometimes it's a bit of a trade-off.
The net sum is a positive, I think, for both of us.

Otoh, I feel no desire should I ever find myself on my own for whatever reason to start 'dating' . Been there, done that, bought several t-shirts and don't see the point now.
I am sure I can only say that because I am an old married lady with 4 kids who are now turning into people (only occasional toddler moments, hallelujah).

Fwiw, I got married aged 31, had DS1 aged 37 and had 3 more. Yes, I know I was lucky to have the size of family I always wanted, but just wanted to say that you just don't know what might be around the corner. No guarantees, just possibilities.

It's very true that being single can be ruinously expensive: I own my property outright but if I was alone and had no deposit it would have taken years and I don't even live anywhere particularly expensive, in fact it's pretty cheap.

I guess it's trusting someone that much - to share your lives and finances and everything ... I think I have trust issues!

I feel the same, the thought of having a joint bank account with someone makes me feel sick. My last relationship was with someone who hid something major from me and that was bad enough. If I hadn't have found that out until after I'd married him, which I was going to do in the future....it doesn't bear thinking about. It would have been absolutely hideous.

I've always been pretty sure from childhood that I will never marry and he made me change my mind....never again! I'm more determined than ever now not to marry. I'm a very emotionally fragile person and I think if something like that happened again and I was married to them I'd completely lose the plot so I'm not going to put myself through it.

But then if you want children and you don't want them alone you shouldn't listen to me as I'm a hardened cynic . You don't necessarily have to have a romantic relationship though - you could find a co-parent. I've read into this quite a bit, and there are loads of gay couples out where who want children and who you could have a co-parenting relationship with. Of course that set-up isn't for everyone and it might not be for you either but it's another option.

I read threads on here and just can't imagine arguing with somebody over what needs doing, what needs spending, what to do at weekends and so on. In some ways it's easier to stay single.

We don't argue about this stuff - been together nearly 20 years and haven't argued very much at all. The occasionally screamy fit from me when I was either pregnant or sleep deprived, but that's about it.

I do tell him to sleep elsewhere when he snores.

There is no need to have a joint bank account if you don't want to.

Many couple have her account, his account and a joint account for joint expenses. These things just need talking about.
All the practical stuff needs talking about.

In fact what makes a relationship worthwhile is if you can talk about pretty much anything with your DPartner

I think that mumsnet has perhaps skewed your views. I think if you have a partner you shouldn't be arguing all the time about stuff, the main feeling is that you are attracted to that person and enjoy spending time with them. Of course, this does involve compromise. I'm pretty independent and have been through what you are going through. That said, if feel that compromise in my relationship is still worthwhile given that I enjoy his. Imp any so much and that he contributes to my life.

I think you need a bit of PIZZAZ in your life in the form of a new and exciting hobby and a HOT MAN/SEX. I hope you are not offended by that!

God sorry predicative text... I feel that compromise in my relationship is still worthwhile given that I enjoy his company so much and that he contributes to my life.

I thought I'd never marry or have kids until I met my husband. Now we are trying for a baby