...to feel hurt that my parents don't want us for Christmas?

[WotchOotErAPolis]

Just broached the subject of going up to Glasgow for a week at Xmas. We live in Hampshire. Mum said no as Dad is already stressing about the idea. He is almost recovered from a hip op he had in July & I'm certain he has OCD as he can't stand any change or disorder. He & Mum have always been stressy people & always have something to moan about.

But - they are my parents & my kids Grandparents. I love them and miss them & I want to spend the holiday with them. I feel hurt that they don't want us and that we are too much trouble. One of my sisters lives with them & the other lives 10 minutes walk away so they see each other all the time. My kids have ts seen their GD for about four years now and the last time they saw their GM was October 2013. The last time I saw the was in May this year but I could only go up for a weekend. The last time we all spent xmas together was 10 years ago while I was undergoing chemo & they came to help.

I feel so sad that I live down south & that they find it so hard to want to be with us at all. It's not that we are really so far away. My boss's family live in Dundee & she's been up there with her husband and two kids twice since April. They all sleep on the floor in sleeping bags in their GPs house. Iamsoenviohs that she can just drive up there & back for a week & that their GPS are so doting. When mine have visited they have never offered too after the kids so that DH & I could go out together, nor have they ever seemed to enjoy spoiling their GKs.

Skype is all very well but you cant hug your Mum & Dad over Skype!

I have 3 children aged between 18 and 22, only my youngest still lives with me. Both the older 2 are returning home for 3 weeks over Xmas (1 at uni and 1 a graduate who teaches in a private school and has long holidays) I have an 8 year old stepson who will be with us also.

My parents have also invited themselves for 2 weeks.

I don't have beds for them all or even a chair for them all to sit on for Xmas dinner. We have a 5 seater car so anywhere we go we will need 2 trips.

None of them asked would it be convenient, they all think that their presence will enhance my festive season. I wish I had the guts to say that I can only really enjoy guests for about 3 days, after that my jolly hostess is all used up.

I couldn't cope with any of my kids coming to stay for a week. Since they all left home DH and I have our own lives and do things much differently to when the kids were at home. I also can't stand mess and my lot create loads of it. They all come for Christmas dinner but leave around 7 and by that time I'm exhausted. I don't think I could deal with 5 extra people staying a week with us and neither could DH especially at Christmas.

"
I just feel resentful that my two sisters have my parents 'on tap'. "= OP it was presumably your choice to live at the other end of the country though. You can hardly feel resentful that your sisters have your parents on tap.

Is there no way they could come and stay at yours and you do all the hosting? Or would that be too stressful for your dad?

If your sister lives with them it sounds like they'll already have a crowd of people to cook for / host on Christmas day, perhaps they don't want any more! Maybe if they were invited to yours it might take some of the pressure to entertain off them?

I can understand why you feel hurt, I would feel the same way. What about staying in a hotel and suggesting you all go out for lunch on Christmas day? That way your parents wouldn't feel under any additional pressure.

Have you asked if your sisters could stay with them. Not for a week though as that would be too long

Aww, it does sound a bit hurtful, but try to turn it into something positive. I know you said your DH has just found a job, so that's some good news. Enjoy having a nice family Christmas, with no long journeys involved.
Research breaks in Premier Inns or similar, for a cheaper time, than Christmas, and go and visit for a shorter period next year, instead?

Can you compromise and visit at Easter when you have money to book a hotel and the weather is better. I think with the days being dark, short & cold people tend to fall out more with each other at Xmas than at Easter.

You could book a house/hotel near by and use the week to visit the surrounding area as well as relations. So nobody is under pressure to entertain or be in close proximity with each other for long periods. Pop in for lunch/tea & do other things aswell and that way you wont be sniping at each other.

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm looking forward to the next suggestion that OP just book in to a hotel over Christmas.

Vivacia -

You could camp

What would your kids do while they were there. My DC love their GP but only like to visit for a couple of nights (unless it's good weather)

A family of five makes a lot of work and a week is a long time. In the past have you paid you way and really helped out when you have stayed with them?

I think it's understandable that they don't want you to stay with them.

I would love my DCs and DGC to visit me more, but they are busy working over xmas.
I'm driving there again, but I am made very welcome.

I feel sad for you.

yanbu I haven't had an invitation from my Mum or sisters for ooh...about 4 years now. My DDs would love to have a day with their Nan and cousins but no go.

This year I feel really down about it too. :(

We're relocating next year to Oz so this will be the last time for a long while. But I just try to accept it. It's the way they are.

When I read on here about people just wanting to stay at home but how they have to have these big family Christmases I am so jealous. I remember my Christmases growing up and they were far busier than the ones my DC have.

I am worried about making this year nice. Last year felt a bit flat to me.

We stayed with my sister last time we all went up, for a weekend to celebrate my parents' Golden Wedding, 4 years ago, but this option hasn't been offered this time. My other sister lives with my parents and says she won't share her room this time round.

I remember visiting my GPs at least twice a year when I was a kid and it never seemed to be a problem then. I can understand why my parents worry but they have never been very hands-on GPs and I really resent it. As a family, we all moved to Scotland, from the Midlands when I was three and it didn't stop us seeing our GPs then , so what's changed?

I guess I also feel that as they are ageing rapidly now, I now consider every time I see them might be the last time and i find myself missing them more and more as time goes by. Not being morbid, just emotional.

Could you house swap with anyone??