To ask mn to help me sleep train 19 months old bf dd

[Purplebumbo]

Dd doesn't take the bottle but wakes up at night hungry . I am trying and failing to teach her to sleep through the night. I partially co-sleep and it's all a bit of a mess with no structure. I have been mostly 'reactive' in that I just give her a bf to stop her fro crying at night and to catch some sleep myself.

She wakes up at night because:

• seems hungry and wants to bf

-teething

• has a constant cold / cough as just started at childminder
• wants cuddles

I used to just give a a bf and she went back to sleep straight away. However she has been waking up several times recently wanting to feed for ages and refusing to be put down to sleep again, keeping us up for hours every night.

Please help me solve this conundrum, I can no longer cope, I fear I have become a sleep deprived zombie.

I think it is too harsh to do cc on a baby used to cosleeping and bf. best way to stop night feeds, or what worked for me, was sleeping in another room for a week and dh settling ds. I would take him from about 5am. we then dropped the bedtime feed about 2 months later again getting dh to do bedtime. it was fine, we still cosleep now and usually get really good sleep.

Another vote here for the dr jay Gordon method - changing patterns in the family bed. Very gently night weaning for bedsharers - worked for dd then 2.5

I recently did the Dr j gordon method with my 12 month old daughter (although I still offer water.). It turns out an wasn't having enough milk before bed to get her through the night. After a few nights of night weaning she started having a massive feed before bed.

Definitely have a look at this article for night weaning a baby used to co-sleeping. A gentle and effective approach. CC would be too great a shock to be effective I think...
(Sorry I can't do proper links on app so it's a cut and paste job)

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I did a variation of cc to get dd to fall asleep. But, I waited for her to drop the night feeds herself. However, she had a dummy to suckle for comfort so I think she woke for thirst/hunger rather than comfort so I kept feeding until she dropped the feeds herself. Could you try offering water rather than bf? If its thirst then water will settle her. The variation of cc I did was to lay dd down (after story, feed and cuddle) then went out of the room for one minute. I never left her crying for more than one minute, each time settled her, waited until she stopped crying then repeat. She was asleep within five minutes by day 4.

Another vote for controlled crying here, I know the attachment parent brigade will disagree, but in fact we did it really gently, explained to DS what was going to happen, we stayed and comforted him (without picking him up- just stroking his back and cuddling him whilst in his cot) , and then we left the room for no more than 2 minutes at a time, and then went back in, until he settled. It took 40 mins the first night, by the 3rd night it took 10, by the 5th he was sleeping through. For the night feeds, I reduced them by 1 minute every few nights until I was feeding for literally 1 minute, and then we did the same as above, went in and comforted, then left room for 2 minutes, then went back in as needed. Good luck!

Just read your above post Lokibear- you did cc very similarly to us, we only left DS for 2 minutes at a time at the most, it felt much more gentle, I am softie and I don't think I could leave him for 10 minutes at a time! Not that I am against it- I'm not, I just couldn't do it myself.

We sorted ds sleeping at 19 months ( he'd been half cosleeping not feeding but just wanted cuddles) for me sleeping through all depends on how they go to sleep as they get discombobulated if they wake in a v different situation.
Basically we put a single grown up bed in his room with bed guards - got the darkest black out blinds - then tried to get him to sleep without physically touching ds but sat there! The first night he woke up once and I got into bed with him - 2 nd night he slept through. It's also about pausing if he cries. But now he sleeps through roughly 5 nights a week and 2 I get into bed with him Alf way through the night. He is 27 months now.
Good luck

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html clicky link (hopefully!)

I would consider CC but not yet and not as a first step. First I think you need to stop night feeding and just give cuddles instead (or you dh if she won't accept cuddles from you).
Once she is out of the routine of feeding in the night, then if she doesn't sleep through you might consider CC... but that's a few months down the line yet i think.

At about 11mo I started my bottle-refusing bf ds on a cup of milk before his bedtime bf, gradually the bf became shorter and shorter and was phased out. He then had a cup of milk then stories and sleep. No night feeds. The whole move from bf to cup and dropping night feeds and finally sleeping through all happened over two months, very gently.

With both DS's we used the method in Teach Yourself: Baby sleep. It took 4 nights and was much easier than I anticipated.

Please don't use controlled crying, she's looking for comfort, you say she's just started at a childminder.

Ask your dh to sleep with her and cuddle her for a few days, that's what I did with dd, then she forgot about night feeds. If she wakes after that it won't be for bf, it'll be for a sippy cup of water or maybe she needs a cuddle. I'd co sleep but maybe I'm mad.

Oh and Dr Sears website has lots of kind methods for weaning off night feeds.

Have you looked into the millpond techinque? Basically reduce the amount of time you bf for at night gradually. Have you tried wearing a bra / t shirt at night so it's not quite so easy access? Will she not feed laying down?

"Ask your dh to sleep with her and cuddle her for a few days, that's what I did with dd, then she forgot about night feeds. If she wakes after that it won't be for bf, it'll be for a sippy cup of water or maybe she needs a cuddle. I'd co sleep but maybe I'm mad."

Yes we tried this last night and it went quite well. Let's see what tonight is like.

I agree you need to end night feeding and do a bit of sleep training, but I would go for the gentler methods suggested above - cc has to be a last resort even with a child of this age.

And to the poster suggesting that babies as young as 8 weeks can easily go all night without milk - that is downright dangerous advice.

I coslept with ds and fed him until he was 16mo at night when he wanted to. At 16mo I decided to stop bfing him at night so I did but continued to cosleep. he was a bit cross to begin with but not devastated and by the 3rd night he stopped asking. Blissful! still gets fed to sleep tho at 3 years old--

Dr Jay Gordon worked like a dream for night weaning here........and allowed us to still co sleep without feeding until dd was ready to sleep on her own. (Despite being assured by many people that the only way I would ever stop her feeding was cc ....)