what do you think is R or UR re. teens and porn?

[popmimiboo]

Help. Just opened nearly 15 year old DS' Kindle fire (was trying to remember a book title) and the browser was open on the "youporn" menu. Having never been interested in hardcore porn, I am more than a little horrified.
I've set the parental control to block internet which means that he'll know that he's been found out.

The family PC and his laptop have Microsoft family safety settings so I'm not banning him from any innocent internet access.

Not sure what to do about his iPhone though?

To be honest, the whole thing is a minefield. I have a 12 year old DD too and we have the rule that all gadgets, including phones, stay downstairs when they go to bed on school nights, though I have turned a blind eye in the holidays. I don't want to be controlling but am really uncomfortable about him accessing such vile porn. (I don't know what exactly he's been looking at, it was a menu page.) I'm amazed he has no passcode on the Kindle and has left it on the dining table though!

Can someone tell me how they handle teens and porn access? I'm going to have to talk to him aren't I? AIBU in this day and age to not want this stuff in my house at all? AIBU to expect a teenage boy not to look at porn sites?

He's quite a sporty, sociable lad who (thank god) doesn't spend a huge amount of time locked up in his room. He's usually playing football or watching TV downstairs and I've never been particularly worried about this before. Help!

Bear or bare???

We have had pupils come to us because they have been looking at pornography and they have inadvertently come across beastiality, child pornography, extreme violence, rape even necrophilia. The pupils are always frightened and disturbed hence them reporting it. One young pupil was so disturbed by images of a woman and a horse she couldn't stop drawing them (she hadn't searched for porn, she was looking for horses) to try and get it out of her head. An honest talk about porn and high security settings are the best things that you can do to keep your children safe.

LokiBear, that's so sad it angers me so much that this kind of imagery is so easily accessible but I really don't know what could be done to stop it.

Op, please talk to him, for his sake as well as for his future girlfriends'. Tell him that porn is not real.

And start talking to your daughter too - don't leave it too late.

It may well be embarrassing for them, but you really do need to talk about these things, as internet filters can be bypassed and they can see things in friends' houses etc. As someone said, do it in the car, then there is no escape and you don't have to look each other in the face.

Ive done all my big 'talks' in the car. There is no eye contact and no escape. Perfect for talking to teens.

We have used our internet providers security to block sites. This has been excellent as ds2 pc has an advertising virus that keeps redirecting to blocked sites. It does it when I use it and anti virus software hasnt worked so I am really pleased we have it blocked.

There is very little we can do except to empower young people with education. With my year 10 ' s we use a resource called 'planet earth vs planet porn' to try an teach them the difference between real life sex and porn films. Pupils are often shocked that real life sex is so different. Some of them think porn is 'normal sex' and in reality, they have no idea what is normal. I show them a video on youtube called 'Touch' by Holly McNish. She is a performance poet who talks about wanting 'real love' not 'bad porn'. When we talk through the poem all of the pupils agree that what they want is love, companionship, friendship from a partner. Boys and girls. At the beginning of the lesson I ask them 'is porn a good way to learn about sex?' Almost all say yes. At the end, most say no. It is a relief for some kids to know that porn isn't real because they don't actually like it. It is a real minefield for teenagers because it is so accessible.
With younger children, they key is to make sure that they know they can talk to you if they accidentally see something that scares them. Being open and honest means that the child responds likewise.

Youporn is definately not soft core. It's as hard core as you want it to be. I've just done a quick search and could find lots of hardcore stuff that I wouldn't want a child of mine to watch.

Great post lokibear.

In addition to Touch, there is also Hollie's fantastic collaboration with Kate Tempest, Reclaim Touch.

vimeo.com/82089007

They are amazing

Still desperate to know what a death grip is.... Is that something to do with Vulcan death grip or am i completely confused

It's when men are so desensitised by masturbating to porn that they can only ejaculate with a really tight grip.

My Ds had to help his primary school to set up internet controls to ensure the little darlings couldn't access such stuff. The teachers didn't have a clue....... Hopefully it's better nowadays!

It's when men are so desensitised by masturbating to porn that they can only ejaculate with a really tight grip

That can happen without using porn, of course.

When I was younger I used to sneak downstairs and see softcore porn that was on late at night on the tv.
It'd be odd to provide it but I think there should be ways to access softer stuff, no abuse, real people enjoying sex and block hardcore stuff. Because teens will watch it no matter what but if they could access stuff that is less damaging at least that would help a lot.

Agree, sickof. You porn absolutely is hard core and is is certainly not all home movie type stuff. There are lots of mini channels within it that you can see from the main home screen - one, for example, is called Disgrace That Bitch and the premise (whether real or faked) is that the men involved are tricking women into having sex on camera and then discarding them after they have been "disgraced"

It is not soft stuff.

Home that video made me cry. I need to take it to my team at work, just to check our policy will allow me to show it as the kids are 14/15. They were a bit about 'Touch'. I am very passionate about teaching young people SRE and have been allowed to run a course for year 10 after going on a course and freaking my SLT team out with what I learned. It forced them to accept that the incidents that we had dealt with were not isolated and rare. They were simply the incidents we had found out about. If you look at some pop videos they have become what used to be soft core porn, our society is being desensitised to sex and the message that young people are getting is that sex isn't special or important. One kid I taught put on his feedback form that he was relieved to learn that group sex wasn't expected because he had been dreading 'having to do that'. How sad is that?

I think one other thing to keep in mind, op, is that young people do not look at porn in the first instance because they have a sexual perversion. They are just curious. We are a 'Google it' generation. Want to learn how to play guitar/fix your bike/bake a cake? Google it, watch a video tutorial. Want to know what sex is all about? Google it! Watch youporn. YouTube is normal viewing, how could youporn be harmful? The danger is that pornography isn't real, and what they learn from it can be damaging. Hope your conversation with your son goes well.

Porn is OK but youporn is pretty hardcore in places. The language used to describe women is hugely derogative and violent sometimes. It's not something I would be happy with a 15 yo looking at under my roof anyway.

Masturbation and soft porn are normal for teenagers. Hard core porn, no. Not necessary.