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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the relationship counsellor shouldn't be checking us out on Social Networks?!

28 replies

gremlindolphin · 06/11/2014 19:03

I am an avid Facebook user and have all my settings set to private but some of the business networking sites we are on are more open and on Linked In we can see that she has been looking at our profiles!

I think this is overstepping the mark but maybe this is normal! Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ChocolateTeacup · 06/11/2014 19:06

Quite normal, they can't see anything you aren't happy with everyone seeing after all

TrousersSchmowsers · 06/11/2014 19:09

No that shows a lack of professional boundaries and needs feeding back.

Scrumbled · 06/11/2014 19:10

Yabu. If it's out in the public domain, it's free for all to look up. Googling a client, customer etc is just normal these days.

sooperdooper · 06/11/2014 19:12

Agree with Scrumbled, if it's open for anyone to see then how can you complain?

Tutt · 06/11/2014 19:13

Sorry to disagree but I have never and will never google a client/s, completely agree with that stepping over boundaries. I would also as this person in the next session why she/he was looking.
For me it is a huge no go so YANBU.

tinylttletrotters · 06/11/2014 19:16

Completely out of order

You are seeing her in HER professional capacity , not socially and not for your business

They are supposed to work with what you share , not by them snooping

How do you know that they have checked you out anyway ?

InfinitySeven · 06/11/2014 19:17

I'd expect her to look you up, to see how you publicly present yourselves to other people.

Trills · 06/11/2014 19:19

Can you tell us who else you think "shouldn't" be looking at information that you have put into the public domain?

Original poster
gremlindolphin · 06/11/2014 19:36

Interesting - About half and half. Thanks for responses so far!

I have no problem with anything that people can see about me/us and wouldn't actually mind her looking at my Facebook page as I have nothing to hide it just feels odd that she feels the need to? I am actually really disappointed as I really liked her and we both felt she was easy to talk to and asked good questions. I have now got to get over this disappointment by the next session!

Trills I would think that anyone you see professionally for personal reasons i.e. dr, counsellor shouldn't need to investigate you further.

I just thought as summed up by tinylttletrotters that she should work with whats in the room when we meet her and that she professionally doesn't need anything else, its feels like an over interest in us personally or as you put it snooping, rather than dealing with the issues we bring to her.

How does how I present myself to other people have any bearing on my marriage InfinitySeven?

OP posts:
CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 06/11/2014 19:41

YANBU, how unprofessional! Shock As someone who works in a similar profession, I have to say, it's never even crossed my mind to search them on FB or twitter.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 06/11/2014 19:43

"I have now got to get over this disappointment by the next session!"

I would urge you to bring it up with her and say how you feel. It's good practice for you in being assertive and if nothing else, she needs to know how it might make her clients feel.

DazzleII · 06/11/2014 19:51

Maybe it was done for pecuniary reasons. How much can I get away with charging these people? It's very creepy and quite wrong.

Phoenixfrights · 06/11/2014 19:53

Are you sure that she has definitely looked you up? There are many reasons someone can show up as "people you may know" ...

ImperialBlether · 06/11/2014 20:06

I know this sounds daft, but she must have been logged in to LinkedIn for you to know she'd been searching for you, mustn't she?

Panicking now!

IndieKate · 06/11/2014 20:07

A counsellor is responsible for holding the professional boundaries of your relationship, looking up clients on social media violates those boundaries imo.

blanketyblank100 · 06/11/2014 20:22

It is a big deal. That information is in the public domain, but your counsellor isn't supposed to know you in the public domain. If she did, she probably wouldn't be able to counsel you. Your counsellor is supposed to know what you choose to share with her (and, with your consent, what other professionals share with her when appropriate). Many counsellors will even skim through referral notes and mentally put them to one side because they're so keen to form an opinion of their own based purely on what happens in the sessions. This is because respect for the client and completely honesty are central to the counselling relationship - and are considered ethically non-negotiable.

Given the context of your relationship, it is less than honest and respectful for your counsellor to seek other sources of information than your disclosures, especially without telling you and asking your permission. Counselling is bound by incredibly strict ethical codes and there is probably a policy about this already. The BACP could give you more guidance and information. What other posters think is pretty irrelevant because only someone very knowledgeable in the field could tell you what's considered on or not on. (I'm only a trainee.)

If you're keen to salvage something, it would be interesting to see if she volunteers the information in your next session. If she simply lets you talk without disclosing that she has more information on you than you realise, I'm afraid I wouldn't care how good her questions are or how nice she seems. You will become increasingly vulnerable as the sessions continue and you'll want to know you're with someone who sticks to the rules and is exactly as they appear. But definitely talk it over with her.

blanketyblank100 · 06/11/2014 20:25

'what other posters think is pretty irrelevant' - that sounded a bit rude, sorry! I just meant that if you want the definitive answer to whether YABU or not, you'd have to ask a professional (who may well be another poster I suppose!).

Laura0806 · 06/11/2014 20:28

I agree with blanketyblank100. Thats not ethical at all and I have no idea why she would do that. I certainly wouldn't and I would be questionning my choice of counsellor

Phoenixfrights · 06/11/2014 20:41

OP, is it that when you log in you can see who has been searching for you? Or does she just come up in the 'people you may know' bit? If it's the latter, stand down your panic - there are non-stalky reasons she might be showing up.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 06/11/2014 20:48

Could it be that your email address is in her address book and so it has suggested that she knows you? I have heard of LI doing things like that.

Infinity8 · 06/11/2014 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
gremlindolphin · 06/11/2014 21:59

Just to clarify she is in the "these people have looked at your profile" category rather than the "these are people you might know" section.

Thank you for your very helpful comments. x

OP posts:
hettie · 06/11/2014 22:07

Whomever this counsellor is she should be registered with a professional body. Usually the BACP or UKCP or if Relate that have their own register. Each of which have their own code of ethics.... They are all quite similar tbh. For me this would be crossing some boundaries and is at best ethically dubious...

ScreamEggsAndHam · 06/11/2014 22:55

I'm on LinkedIn. I get a bit freaked out sometimes at the fact that if someone has viewed your profile, it shows up exactly who it was and when they did it.
Even though I've got nothing to hide and only ever present myself professionally on there.
LinkedIn is a business profile. I don't mind people looking at me on there and seeing what I'm capable of experience and qualification wise.
Facebook is locked down though as that's more personal.

kali110 · 06/11/2014 23:06

Omg i had no idea people could see you had viewed your fb profile!!!
Is this just if you have linkin?

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