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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use childcare when I don't really have to?

52 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 06/11/2014 15:47

I have a 7 month old DS, currently still on Maternity. My 'current' job is 9-5 but I have accepted a new job that means between Mon-Fri I will only have to work 2 days and my 3rd shift would be on a Sunday.

DH would obviously have DS whilst I work on Sunday and we have found a childminder to have DS for whatever two days I'm working in the week.

The shifts will be 13 hours and I will be out the house from 06.45am-21.15pm. It's a very long day which from experience is very tiring.

I was talking to my friend about it this morning and she suggested that as I was likely to be shattered it probably wouldn't be very nice to be out the house for 14.5 hours a day and then on my days off be looking after DS. She asked when is ever get a break or chance to relax. I told her that I wouldn't.

She then suggested that even though I only need childcare for 2 days why don't I send DS to the childminder for 3 days and that 3rd day can be for me to just relax at home,recuperate from the long shifts and to just have some "me time" amongst all the chaos of shift working and parenting.

I was a bit sceptical but sounds very tempting. I plan to discuss it with DH this evening and was wondering if anyone else does this??

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 06/11/2014 17:28

just get a cleaner! unless your dh wants to rush around doing all the housework every day then he is being daft. if you can afford a cleaner get one even four hours per week to do washing ironing hoover everywhere. you would be daft not to...if dh insists on no then tell him he is responsible for all the cleaning.

ImTheOneThatKnocks · 06/11/2014 17:30

I think you plan sounds perfect especially if you get a cleaner too.

I used to work 2 1/2 days but left my lad at the childminders for 3 whole days. That 'free' 1/2 was fantastic and I would either do loads of chores or do something just for me.

I think it made me a nicer Mum the rest of the week as I could focus on doing fun things with my DS.

cestlavielife · 06/11/2014 17:30

those are very very long shifts and you want to have Saturdays with your dh doing nice stuff with s not cleaning...and your days "off" you will want to do nice stuff with ds, not cleaning as wella s take some time to catch up n sleep while ds at childminder.

two working people - if you can afford it pay a cleaner - for price of a meal out it is well worth it.

RunnerHasbeen · 06/11/2014 17:34

Why do you have to decide this minute? It is one of these things you can change really easily if you need to. If you find it is knackering, put him in a bit extra. If you miss him and think you would rather save a bit of money then reduce back down. You'll find your balance, I'm sure.

I think it is slightly different than people who work 9-5 only having childcare when they work as they have all five evenings to themselves, you work two of them.

Jill2015 · 06/11/2014 18:17

Friend of mine used to work two days one week, three days the following week. She left the children with the childminder three days every week, so she had a day to herself, every fortnight.
I thought it was a great idea. I think it's well worth a try, OP.

PicaK · 06/11/2014 18:20

When will you spend time together (you and dh)? Just in his holidays?

greenfolder · 06/11/2014 18:23

good god, you are doing the equivelent of 3 days work over 2. your child will spend less time overall in childcare- definately get the extra cover for a day

louisejxxx · 06/11/2014 18:29

Sounds like a good plan to me. Tomorrow my dd is going to nursery 9 - 1...I don't need her to (although conversationally I will do in Jan as I'll be working) but it is just nice to have even 4 hours to myself. I will be shamelessly watching a box set in bed more than likely!!

museumum · 06/11/2014 18:36

It sounds like you might be working very close to f/t hours - if so then I would have at least a half day for house stuff. Saturdays are going to be your only family day so you don't want to have to do any chores that day and it's hard to do some things with a toddler in tow.

Moreisnnogedag · 06/11/2014 18:38

My DH is a SAHP and we still use the full free hours for over 3s. It allows him to socialise, gives DH the time to do stuff around the smallholding unencumbered and he gets time for himself (which means I can lie in on the weekend guilt free :) ).

When he was working and doing ridiculous shifts, DS would go to cm on his off days otherwise he'd be run ragged.

batgirl1984 · 06/11/2014 19:09

Someone asked about being fair to DH. I think given that he will have the child for 13 hours straight on the Sunday, his wife having some capacity in the week would mean nicer Saturdays, and will benefit them all.

KatyS36 · 06/11/2014 19:18

Brilliant idea

Dd is five, I adore her and she is the best thing I have ever done

Every year since returning to work I have taken a week off whilst she was in childcare purely for me. I plan to do the same now she has started school.

This has been my best call ever and has saved my sanity. I would have burnt out without this as we have no family help.

Remember that some of the people who might judge you would think nothing of grandparents looking after their children whilst they have a break.

Katy

KnackeredMuchly · 06/11/2014 19:20

Yanbu, and round here a cleaner is more expensive than a CM

RoganJosh · 06/11/2014 19:21

Most people get evenings to themselves (give or take non sleeping children) so you are definitely not BU.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 06/11/2014 20:05

You're right Katy, a lot of people have grandparents to help provide respite but we don't have that option as all grandparents still work full time.

With my shifts I will be doing 32.5 hours.

Me and DH discussed at length the pros and cons of me taking the job and he was happy to take on more of a parenting role than he currently does. On the days I'm working he will have to get DS up and ready before dropping him at the childminders, then doing childminder pick up, get DS his dinner and then do bedtime. One of the perks of the job is that it will strengthen DS and DH's relationship as the routine parenting stuff will be split 50/50 pretty much.

OP posts:

Trills · 06/11/2014 20:16

If you can afford it and you would enjoy it then why not?

Nursery/childminder is not a horrible punishment for a child, to be used only at the last resort.

museumum · 06/11/2014 20:20

I think that if your dh works full time and you work 32.5hrs a week then having your ds in childcare for less than 25hrs over three days is no issue at all. Go for it.

starlight1234 · 06/11/2014 20:30

As a C/minder I can tell you I have looked after peoples children when they aren't at work. It is cheaper to pay for childcare than a cleaner.

That said. If you want a bit of me time and can afford it why not

MrsMook · 06/11/2014 21:13

I put DS1 into childcare at 10 months so I was avaliable for casual work. The work didn't occur and I quickly began to look forwards to my child free day. When I got a more secure post for a temporary period, I worked an alternate day per week, so maintained one day a fortnight. When that came to an end, I became pregnant and we maintained his place. We temporarily increased the hours when Ds2 was born. More recently I've had another job and only get child free time in the holidays when I pay for childcare regardless. In the term, I really miss the chance to do things efficiently without two preschoolers demanding my attention and undoing the housework quicker than I can do it. There's no family nearby. DH and I have had two evenings out in about 18 months. Childcare is my only chance for adult time, and I enjoy it! I'm a happier, better mother when I get space to be me and catch up on life.

If you can afford it and it enhances your family time, go for it.

slithytove · 06/11/2014 21:20

I send ds to nursery 1 afternoon a week to help socialise him and give him some playtime not shared with his new sister. I'm on maternity leave, and am going without to afford it but I think it's really important. If you can afford it, go for it.

Lazymama2 · 06/11/2014 21:22

I would send him half a day to start off with and see how you feel after your two long days in terms of tiredness etc. you may find that that half a day you need to recuperate as well as hairdresser, errands which are so much easier with dc about.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 06/11/2014 21:25

If you can afford it then do it. Your shifts sound horrendous and having half a day, a full day, whatever, to yourself will be invaluable.
I am actually in a very similar situation here, so I am watching this thread with interest.

Longdistance · 06/11/2014 21:26

We put dd1 into nursery 2days a week, and I wasn't working at the time, but was pg with dd2. When dd1 got her free 15 hours, we decided to pay for dd2 to have the same hours at the same nursery.

It worked a treat as dh has always worked long hours, and had a hobbie. So basically, this was my free time to do whatever I wanted sleep

Ratbagcatbag · 06/11/2014 21:30

On the cleaner point, my dh was exactly the same, with regards to a stranger being in the house, we compromised in a twelve week trial. If he hated it, I'd stop it. That was twelve months ago, genuinely the best thing I spend my money on.

Gruntbaby · 06/11/2014 21:31

Do it. I know quite a few people who have children in nursery/after school care a little extra to allow the parents time to do exercise, household tasks etc.

I probably have extra excuses (ill health) but on maternity leave my eldest continued to attend nursery almost full time. No she's at school and my baby's starting nursery I will continue to have some extra hours after work to do exercise/medical appts.

DH and I also occasionally take a day holiday whilst the children are at nursery/school and go on a date/trip together. It's important and if you can afford it, why not.

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