To expect friends to keep half an eye out for me at pick up time?

[LemonadeRayGun]

DH said I ABU, and that I am an "anomaly", so I am prepared to be told that by you lot too :)

I was running late today to pick up. Not hugely late, but late enough. When I got there, all my friends had collected their kids and gone, my son was stood there waiting for me with a teacher. The way the school works is all the parents stand at the bottom of the hill, classes are lead out and kids dismissed by their teacher.

My friends and I always stand in the same place. Yesterday one of my friends wasn't there, and I asked another friend who said she hadn't seen her car. So I rang her to see if everything was ok. Last week I spotted my neighbours son hadnt been collected, so I called my neighbour who was running late, and I said I would collect him and start walking home. I'm always alert if I see a child whose parents I know well hasn't been picked up and will make sure they are ok.

Clearly, none of my friends feel this way or notice this. AIbU to be a bit sad about that? I know my kids aren't their responsibility, and I shouldn't have been late (I don't even have a good excuse!) but I would have noticed if s friends kid was stood with the teacher and called said friend, or waited to check they got collected.

DH says I am "unusual" lol

Sadly op, I agree with the others, you are overstepping.

These are people who have asked you before if they couldn't pick up in a reasonable time (and 5-10 minutes is reasonable), so they could call you. Check your phone for texts/missed calls from your friends but don't automatically feel the need to get involved so much. If someone can't pick up on time, the school will call them to find out what's going on, it just smacks of sticking your nose in to interfere with this.

As for your friends not picking up your dc, I bet if you'd texted to ask one of them they would have. Next time if you need help, ask.

if you were late why didn't you ring one of them to pick your child up.

I have one friend who would grab my dd if I was late and I would do the same for her but we are actual friends outside of school and would ring each other if we needed a hand

I would also think you a busybody.

It is a rather convoluted way to get people to "owe" you really, iyswim.

Just ask for help if you need help. Everybody needs help sometimes and most people would gladly step in.

I'm actually in agreement with you OP. In DD's class at pre school, there are 16 children and the parents all know each other. My friend was running late today and her DS came up to me at pick up and told me his mummy wasn't there yet. I told him she'd be there soon and waited around with him, DD and my DC2 as I didn't want him to get upset and I know my friend would do the same for me. I actually thought this was how most friendship groups at the school gates functioned - certainly did when I was a child anyway - we knew to wait with two of DM's friends if she was late and their children to come to my mum if their parents weren't there.

Handover between teachers and parents doesn't really occur till the parent has turned up, so additional parents hanging around doesn't help the teacher much really apart from moral support.

You seem to mean well so I don't want to say you are being unreasonable so I'd just say you are being unusual!

I think it's nice you look out for your mates.

Wow. I woudn't think you were nosy or a busybody. I'd just think you were nice.

I agree with PPs - your intentions might be good, but it does come across as a little over involved to be ringing people about their children when they are being perfectly well supervised by a teacher who has responsibility for their safety all day and is perfectly capable of calling their parents if they haven't been picked up by a certain time. It's also a bit OTT to be annoyed that they don't do the same for you if they have never asked you to check up on them and if you haven't asked them to collect your kids. I think most people would realise that schools have numerous systems in place to ensure that children end up in their own homes and don't need parents to intervene.
You sound nice and I am sure you mean well, but I think you may be being unfair on your friends who probably assumed you would have contacted them if you needed their help and were on their merry way before your lateness would have been a cause for concern.
Having said that, I did know someone who did this kind of thing and it was always discussed at length with anyone who would listen. She would pounce on any opportunity she could to do unasked-for favours for people then bang on endlessly about how she was 'so glad she'd been there to help out' and how awful things would have been if she hadn't been around, making herself out to be some kind of saintly martyr and the other people involved to be feckless idiots who couldn't cope without her help.
She was a pain and would occasionally royally fuck things up for people by sticking her oar in without knowing the full details of the situation. Not suggesting you are like that OP, but there are times when helping doesn't really help IYSWIM!

I wouldn't think busybody either! More "thanks that's nice but I'd call if I was stuck" type thing - and I'd feel like you'd call if you were stuck iyswim. So you not calling would mean there's not an issue so I could go about my day. Fwiw I have waited chatting to the teacher when a friends child has been last just so the child doesn't feel last but I wouldn't ring unless I knew there was likely to be a problem (e.g. I knew a sibling was poorly) or the teacher was getting tetchy.

Sakes. Can't believe some of the comments. I think you've done a decent thing and would hope friends would reciprocate. I am the most anal about being there at pick up and I've still needed someone to look out for us for those couple of unforeseen minutes.

I think you sound lovely op. Your friends are lucky to have you.

I think you sound lovely, not like a busy body at all :) You can be my friend anytime!

You sound lovely op. But don't worry about your friends kids. They'll be fine with the teacher. I would love a friend like you.

I would be so annoyed if I was running a bit late and when I got to the school, found the teacher had let DS go off with a neighbour/school mum. If something untoward had happened to me, I'd much rather he be at the school and they could ring my emergency contact numbers which some random mum may not necessarily know.

Lemonade, it's the norm with my group of friends to do this. We wait in the same part of the playground and the dc gravitate there and if one if the adults is late, another one will look after the dc. I wouldn't leave any of the dc in my friendship group at school so I know where you are coming from.

We don't call each other though. I would check my phone after about 5 minutes but I would assume they would be too busy/panic stricken to take a phone call.