Bad beahviour @ Karate

[vickibee]

I am posting to get views on this. To cut a long story short my DS aged 7 has been mucking about and being rude to the teacher. Apparently it had built up over a few weeks but came to a head last week, He locked DS in a cleaning cupboard and held it shut with a fire extinguisher. I did not report this as he is generally a nicce chap and was at the end of his tether, he made a hasty bad decision and I can live with that. Another parent reported and I was quizzed by the HT (uses school hall) and he has been let go.
What I am asking is AIBU in not reporting it and if I chose not to why has someone else poking their nose in, I feel really bad about what has happened. I asked why he hadn't called me to remove him and he did say that he didn't bring conatct details to lessons which is a bit slack if there is an emergency.DS has also been punished at home as I am ashamed of his behaviour

I think people are worried that you didn't consider this a serious enough incident to report.

It's bad, vicki. Not just in the "a bit unprofessional" sense but in the "seriously abusive" sense.

As another poster has said, I think the other parent, who did report the teacher, had every right to do so, because they have a child in that class, who could be subject to the same actions by that teacher. They acted to protect their child and the other children in the group, and I think they made the right decision.

I actually think it was counter productive as a punishment as most of the 7 year olds I know, including my grandson, would have though it was funny and cool and wore the punishment with pride. His pals would have all been wanting to be the next ones locked in. It would be mayhem in the Dojo.

My sons who are fathers and very responsible adults themselves now would have thought it was funny as well, but then they would hide in wardrobes and jump out in the middle of the night to frighten each other and their sisters when they were kids.

Cariad - agree totally it was kind of a show off status for him as he got loads of attention from the other kids.
The school are seeking a new teacher to cover the class, do I send him or not, can't have this repeated

Yes send him. Most teachers can cope with 7 year olds without locking them in cupboards, I'm sure he'll be fine! I'm not saying its ok for him to be naughty, but it is normal for a 7 year old.

I don't want you to feel under attack at all. I have an eight year old who has SN and can be a complete handful behaviourally. He's been messing around in his trampolining class and I have supported the teacher in all sorts of measures, and will remove him from the class if we can't sort it out (hopefully we have).

I would still be aghast at any professional in charge of DS locking him in a cupboard. The only circumstances in which I could think that might be regarded as a measure of desperation, as pp describes, would be out of control aggression to adults or other kids. It doesn't sound as if your DS was anywhere near that. If he was behaving badly I agree the appropriate measures would have been time out and/or a discussion with you at end of class, and potentially a call to you to pick him up.

Don't feel bad - your DS was obviously okay afterwards and you made the call not to take it any further. These things are a judgment call. But I think if Id seen that as a parent I would have wanted to say something even if not my child. I think it's about how the instructor chooses to treat children rather than about his specific behaviour to your DS.

Id send him to the new class, perhaps just have a chat with him beforehand about appropriate behaviour, and have a word with the new teacher a couple of weeks in to check all is well. And if not to think of some strategies that don't involve locking him in cupboards!

It sounds like the last class was very badly managed so I think you have to give him a chance to behave better in a different scenario.

It was a difficult choice - I felt a conflict inside me about whether to report. I weighed up the fact that DS was very naughty and the fact that he was not traumatised vs the impact of damaging the teacher. It is not something I have taken lightly
I am an older parent nearly 50 (never thought children would happen and feel blessed that it has) and maybe old school, worse happened to me at school. I recall having to wear a dunce hat in the corner and being slapped and caned. I am a well balanced grown up. I understand times have changed for the better.

Ok, as the owner of a Gym/Children's Activity Centre as well as being the mum of 5, including one with special needs, and nana to 5 - I would send him back.

Any club leader would be interested in trying to make it a positive experience for your son, as well as the other children so I would be saying look lets sort this out and see what can be done. You may hear things about your son you dont like because children can be very different when mum and dad arent around, but the club also needs to be told there are circumstances that mean a different way of working with your boy might produce better results. We have a few children with special needs in our classes but I know its only because I live in the world of special needs that we've managed to get it to work. We also have obnoxious brats who's parents think are special. Sometimes parents get upset by what I have to say and sometimes I can get upset by what they have to say. Its all part of it.

Im sorry if this is jumbled, I have classes going on right now and Im grabbing a cuppa.

Sorry that should have been - but the club also needs to be told IF there are circumstances that mean a different way of working with your boy/any boy might produce better results.

I can see my son's faults and don't defend him if he is wrong. He has been raised to repect others and be polite etc, I do my best with him..

No one has said you haven't, honestly. :)

All I am saying is that sometimes our children are not what we have brought them up to be, or think they are, when they are away from us.

Anyway, Ive just unintentional upset someone on another thread by getting a post all mixed up, and I feel this one going the same way so I will just finish by saying - send him back to the club. :)

Ive learned today not to post at work on a break and whilst in a rush. :)

The tutors behaviour and your sons behaviour effects everyone.

The tutor has specifically failed in his duty of care massively. The school had to act because otherwise turning a blind eye would mean more children were at risk.

As it stands it was totally irresponsible for the tutor to run sessions with no contact details to hand. Also if your boys bad behaviour had been going on for a long time, he had ample opportunity to address it with you 7 days a week

Even if he no longer works at the school club there is nothing to stop him doing so elsewhere or privately unless you or the head say something . Such draconian punishment is wholly inappropriate. Safeguarding is everyone's concern not just yours.

The school had to let him go because it was clear that he was not capable of maintaining discipline. And if he resorts to such desperate measures he was not only failing in his duty of care, he can't have been a very good karate instructor.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about not reporting him yourself - I was at school in the 70s and 80s and agree worse things happened back then. But the other parent had the right to do so for the benefit of all the children in the class.

I wouldn't feel bad. It's a sign the teacher wasn't coping and that needs to be highlighted. I'm sure your ds isn't the only dc who behaves badly on occasion. You need to be quite skilled to deal with a hoard of 7 year olds and we're not all cut out for it. I think the teacher probably realises he went too far.

I would take him back but maybe have a word with the teacher first and be on hand to take him out at the first sign of any trouble. It's a very unfortunate incident but it's good to learn that we all make mistakes and we can go back and try again. I would be very firm with my ds though that any misbehaviour and he comes straight home.

I admire your rationality and generosity in this but... this is absolutely unacceptable in anyone responsible for the care of children, it's illegal. It's that simple. I appreciate you may choose not to ruin this man's livelihood by prosecuting - but this is not ok.

My concern is what he may in future resort to doing with someone else's child, because if he resorts to this under extreme stress he should not be in that position. Responsibility for someone else's children is one of the most trustworthy positions you can possibly be in and you cannot abuse that trust. Ever. No matter what the child does. And I'm saying that having spent decades working with children, some of whom have had very serious difficulties with aggressive and/or challenging behaviour.

Thnx for the replies, I will try not to beat myself up. My ds went to soccer skills tonite and was the star pupil so perhaps it depends on who is the teacher.