Aibu to want to keep it to ourselves?

[Sockstealer]

I'm about 9 weeks pregnant and I haven't told anyone yet but one person, and that's only because I was so sick.

To be completely honest I'm struggling with the whole thing for various reasons and have considered that I don't actually have to go through with it.

Dp keeps asking when he can tell his mum and dad and it's driving me insane.

If I decide to go ahead I wanted to keep it quiet until after the scan, not only because anything could happen but because I'm finding it all so overwhelming I don't need the added pressure of people knowing. I have my first scan date but haven't even arranged my booking appointment yet because it just makes it feel so real.

I know it's about him too not just me, but I don't see the rush to tell people. I often feel he worries what his family think or that they'll be upset if he doesn't tell them things, but it's my body and our baby and I couldn't really give a monkeys about anyone else right now.

I'm annoyed because he hasn't even arranged the day off for the scan yet but he's pestering me about telling his mum and dad.

I suppose, like people on here have asked, he might wonder why I've gone ahead and had it all confirmed with the GP if I'm thinking I might not want to carry on, most people probably just want it over with as soon as possible I'm the flaky mess who lets it drag on. The other thing I've considered is that perhaps he'd secretly like me to have an abortion but feels it wouldn't be right to say so and put that pressure on me, so shrugging is the easy option.

Although we discussed this sitting on a park bench at the weekend and to be fair I asked him that and he said he thinks it's a bit late to be considering a termination, and he's quite prepared to just get on with it and do what needs to be done. He's also been looking at bigger cars to look to selling ours and just getting one, so while I'm painting him as a disinterested arsehole, you could look at it two ways I suppose.

But then it was only a few days before he was almost having a go at me saying if I think I'll be able to live here with two children I've got my head in the clouds (two bed house), and he doesn't know what I think I'm going to do.

But you know he's probably flaky and crapping himself too.

This pregnancy has also been a big blur of horrible all day and night sickness, which has meant the housework has suffered, ds has suffered in that we haven't been doing as much, I haven't felt like cooking and the smells make me sick and it's overbearing. It's since that liked in I've been having these doubts.

Do not allow him to tell his parents until you are ready for that. No debate. It's not his decision, it's yours. Yes, they might be slightly upset at not having been told sooner but they will soon get over it!

I think you are being very sensible to consider all your options but it will only get harder the longer you leave things. You are correct that relationship problems don't miraculously fix themselves because a baby comes along, in fact it's normally the opposite. There's nothing wrong with saying you think you want a termination and booking in for the counselling. You won't be pressured to go ahead with it, you can talk about it with the counsellor and it might help to clarify things in your mind. You can then decide what to do. But there can be a delay arranging things so please do get into the system ASAP. It's better to book the appointments and then cancel them than it is to try to arrange them in a hurry.

he has just shrugged and said it's a bit late, you wouldn't do it etc
Does he often minimise your feelings and put you down like this? And you're absolutely right that wanting to tell his parents but not booking time off for the scan is completely wrong priority-wise.

Good luck, OP, hope you can make your decision soon.

Sorry to hear you are struggling, but 9 weeks is quite a considerable gestation if you are still considering a termination so I think instead of telling people you need to be making your decision.

Best of luck

X

Sorry just read your latest post and I see that things are complicated.

I suppose the big question is what do you want and how do you feel? Take aside your partner and consider this from your own perspective - just you (and DS)

Two bedrooms is not a deal breaker though, kids don't suffer for sharing a bedroom, don't let things like that cloud your judgement

X

Access that help soon though op. Don't be paralysed by indecision and them realise too late that you have to accept the inevitable.

A two bed house is not too small for an adult and 2 children. Babies dont need that much space (even if the paraphernalia does take up too much room).

Sounds like you need a bit of space and then a good chat with someone neutral.

I've said all this to dp, the bedrooms are a decent size and if it was a boy they could probably share into their teens. There is also the possibility of diving the rooms up somehow, I've known people to do it. Also, dp owns a 3 bed house, it's not close enough to the school but we could buy somewhere else. There are various options.

But dp grew up in a very nice 5 bed house with just himself and one sibling. And he doesn't even consider his 3 bed to be big enough or in a good enough area just for himself.

We've got different expectations and it makes me feel a bit of a loser thinking we can all squash into this little house.

I did speak to someone from Marie Stopes last week, although they were lovely it wasn't much help and I felt a tiny bit pushed into making an appointment to go ahead.

Although the woman said that they can book you in within a couple of days when I've decided.

I sort of feel as though this is my last chance. If I had an abortion I don't think dp and I would stay together, because there's no reason really and truly, why we can't do this, and it would mean that the relationship isn't strong enough.

On the other hand, while I know people meet their soulmate and have babies in their late 30s and early 40s, I don't see me starting over again after everything. I think I'd have to just accept only having one child.

I think you really really need to focus on do you want another child? Could you cope as a single mum of 2 if needs be.

Forget it's a glue baby or what will happen in your fourties or bedrooms or house sizes.

Concentrate on the essentials and the decision will present itself.

To add having the baby or terminating shouldn't be a factor too a loving partner. He should understand and support you either way. You don't sound sure of him.