to still be at work when DS has been sick?

[Mammanat222]

He is with his Daddy.

OH said DS was sick (twice) but isn't "ill" as such? He has eaten a little, isn't hot, seems OK in himself.

I am a 10 minute cab ride from home.

AIBU?

we can't fight for feminism and equal rights and then run back home at the first bit of sickness

Just seen this comment and in all honesty if my child needs me I don't care all that much about feminism and equal rights.

However I am well aware that throwing up and being a bit off colour probably means he doesn't "need me" all that much?

I know I am coming across as overbearing and OTT, but having had DS spend 3 nights in hospital due a virus may make one a bit paranoid?

YANBU - but I understand why you feel slightly guilty for not being there. He will be fine though. Hope he is feeling better.

Just seen this comment and in all honesty if my child needs me I don't care all that much about feminism and equal rights I think the poster was trying to say your child needs a parent looking after them when they are sick but this is not necessarily you and that it is a good thing for workplaces to be aware that mothers OR fathers may be required to look after sick children rather than just mothers which does hamper arguments for equality. I don't think the poster was saying you should sacrifice your child's well being for a principle though!

Anyway, your child will be sick many, many more times. You will have plenty of opportunity to take your turn. Both DH's and my workplaces are very understanding about us taking time off to look after children, but we only take what is necessary and ensure we split it so neither of us or our workplaces are disprortionatley affected, so in answer to your initial query, no you shouldn't feel babd about being at work when your child is ill as they are with their other equally loving parent.

I would give two hoots about this feminism and equal rights nonsense if my child is sick.
Yanbu to want to be there for him, don't we all want to comfort out kids when they are vulnerable.
He's with his dad, so he will be ok but you could leave work a bit earlier today just to ease your mind.

LadyLuck10 feminism and equality are all "nonsense" are they?

Why did your husband phone just to let you know or because he was hoping you'd come home?

I wonder if it happens many times in reverse?

Ie vomiting child is at home with mum & dad feels the need to rush home?

I think you need to relax a bit. You dont need to tell work 'you might have to go at a moments notice'. Your DS is being looked after by his Dad.

There will be a few times over the years where you will need to take time off but dont burn your bridges when you dont need to. And please do remember that when you have to go someone else has to pick up your work (I have someone in my team who takes lots of time off at little notice and it causes real issues for the rest who are getting fed up of it)

OH rang to let me know, I'd hate for him not to have called, same as I'd get in touch with him if DS was ill and I was home with him.

No expectations of anyone, just to advise and hopefully get a little sympathy for dealing with a sick child

I have not taken any time off for DS, luckily his rare times of being ill fall at evenings / weekends !! Although he was ill for a whole week in the summer but I was already booked off on annual leave.

I can sympathise having had to leave a poorly baby at home whilst I went to work. Baby was looked after at home by loving grandparents and I think I "suffered" more than he did as I felt so guilty.

But I agree that you need to relax, it's nothing serious and if it does become more serious, thats when you evaluate whether you need to go home or not or whether his daddy can deal. In fact, when I was at work and DS had D&V, that was the first time that DH saw a Dr with DS! Previously I'd done all appointments but on that day I had a meeting I couldn't get out of and DH didn't so he went home. To look after our son.

DS won't remember or resent you for this.

So YANBU to still be at work. It happens to everyone.

Mammanat222 maybe you care more if you remembered that the feminist and equal rights movements made it possible for you to be able have maternity leave and enable you to keep on working afterwards without fear of discrimination.

OH has taken him to the Dr loads (He had him for 10 weeks when I first went back to work in the New Year!) mainly to do with DS's eczema though as opposed to illness - if that makes any difference?

Partner is pretty good with all that kind of stuff.

OH is very involved in DS's childcare, he is self employed and has a lot more flexibility than me.

It's natural to feel that you want to be with your child when they are ill. However he's not with a stranger, he's in the (hopefully) perfectly capable hands of his dad.

I was actually very glad to leave ds with my dh when he was sick as it is horrifically hard looking after a baby when they are sick.

Guess I'm not going to win mother of the year for that admission?!!

Not unreasonable to stay at work. I would have had to do the same when DD was little (I was a nurse so couldn't just leave if she got sick unless there was cover, so had to be life and death before we could leave). DH had to nurse her through so many bugs, I felt guilty, but ultimately DD was fine. She was with her daddy and he was great with her.
DH also had to nurse DS through chicken pox on his own as I was in hospital having had an operation, I felt very guilty about that, but DS was fine.
Your DC is with his daddy, who I am sure is doing a fine job.
Try not to feel guilty, I find big cuddles when you get in help with that feeling though.

dotty

First time DS got sick was aged 18 months with D&V...it was the first weekend I'd gone away and left him!

I was oooh ever so sympathetic when DH rang/texted with updates of poo running down DS's trousers onto his socks as I poured myself another glass of wine and chatted to my friends

I felt it made up for the million of times DS had been sick on me (reflux) after feeding!

OP, I know how you feel but ultimately it's great for kids to be able to rely on either parent. DH and I have split sick days since we both went back to work (I did 7 months mat leave, he did 4 additional pat leave).

It means that when he's ill, DS can be with either of us. When he was recovering from norovirus once, I had to go on an Europe work trip with a night away. I felt guilty, but I wasn't worried about DS as I knew DH had it covered.

Piper - just because I feel guilty for leaving a sick child at home doesn't mean I am some kind of anti feminist? (does it?? )

I stand by what I say though if my child did actually need me - which I think we're all agreed he doesn't - then he would be my priority.

My track record at work since having DS is impeccable, I take my job very seriously and since coming back from maternity leave I have made massive efforts not to play the "child" card at all. Especially as I am the only one in my team with a child.

I have given all my colleagues first dibs of having Xmas off as my maternity leave spanned Xmas 2013 and 2013. My time keeping and attendance is almost perfect. I make up any times I have taken for antenatal appointments even though I don't need to.

BUT having had my child be actually pretty poorly (on hourly nebulisers at one point) makes me know without a shadow of a doubt that I'd walk out of any job / meeting / work related if I had to.

Sorry I realise I am verging on melodramatic now but just to give a little explanation into my comment.

Sorry that should read work related event

As I say I am not great with sick (anything else I am fine) so it's probably better OH is at home anyway

I think guilt goes hand in hand with being a parent TBH.

I currently feel guilty cos I've just gone back to work and left DS2 for the first time for more than a few hours.

He's fine. Would be happier with me (as is shown when I come home!) but I know he's looked after by people who love him and I also know it'll get easier.

I also feel guilty because I'm feeling bad about leaving DS2 but not too bad about leaving DS1. Cos DS1 is older and understands why I go to work ("Mummy go to work. Get money. Buy DS1 a red train") and I can chat to him on the phone and in the evening he tells me what he did. Baby DS2 doesn't have any understanding, just that I'm not there, so when I do get home he clings to me in relief (and nuzzles for milk )

Sorry didn't realise I needed to get that off my chest

The op didn't ask if it was practical. She's old enough to know if it's practical, sensible etc.

The question is "aibu to still be at work if child is sick?"

Many posters have given the answer yes she is by based on their experiences, their needs, their requirements.

I'm asking the op. What do you want to do? This time?

And op you are not pathetic. Or worse at parenting than your dh or this crop of posters.

It's shit LePetite, and you are right guilt does play a massive part in parenting.

I could write a massive list about what I feel guilty about with my DS this week and it's only Wednesday !!

We do what we have to do I guess and I am sure our kids benefit from our choices.

It's hard though but try not to feel too bad x

I'm asking the op. What do you want to do? This time?

At present I am still at work.

Have had a few texts and spoken to OH. DS is mainly on the sofa but has had a nibble of some rice cakes, is drinking and isn't hot. Not been sick since 9am either!

So for the time being I am staying put, but with the caveat of leaving if I need to. Which I probably won't!

If he was in hospital then of course you'd rush there to be with him - as would his father.

But he's just thrown up a couple of times, and your OH sounds perfectly capable of comforting him and taking care of him.

Hope he's better soon.

When they are ill lots of children want their mummy. However it is really good for your ds to learn that he can rely on and take comfort from his dad when he's poorly (and when he's not too sick is the perfect time to try this).

Totally agree with BarbarianMum.

If your child was very ill then of course nobody would question that you (indeed hopefully BOTH parents) would want to rush home. But throwing up twice, no temp and happy isn't very ill. There will be lots of bugs this winter as it's been so warm.

The question is "aibu to still be at work if child is sick?"

Many posters have given the answer yes she is by based on their experiences, their needs, their requirements.

Really? I don't think a single poster have given the answer "yes" she is unreasonable to be at work.
People have the right to take emergency leave if they need to look after a sick child but that doesn't apply in this case as OP's DH is there and he is perfectly capable of looking after his child himself.