Would a Dr lie about treament options?

[rosenylund]

My uncle had most of his bowel removed due to cancer about six weeks ago. My mum has a long difficult love/hate relationship with my aunt. Today he had his update and has been told the cancer hasn't spread and that he won't be having chemo.

My mum said this is suspicious and she doesn't believe it, and that doctors lie sometimes when they don't believe the patient is fit enough to carry on treatment.

I queried this and she went mental, how I'm doubting her etc when she's been a nurse for 40 years etc. etc.

I just can't believe the hospital would lie to him - before he got ill, he was a fit 75 year old, non smoker etc. He's obviously knocked for six after the surgery but he's recovering. He just doesn't fit this idea of someone too emotionally frail and physically frail to take the truth. My parents (both nurses) believe the cancer has spread or is still there, and the Dr has deliberately decided to halt any further treatment.

Parents now not speaking to me as I challenged their knowledge apparently. I should add that my mum frequently has issues with my aunt verging on the paranoid and I think this is some kind of extension of this. She has on a number of occasions taken off on my sister and I for 'not believing' her when she raises issues about her sister. She worries about her sister constantly but it often comes out in anger towards my aunt.

The truth is it's so tiresome, and some of her beefs are so out there, we don't tend to comment or commit - we can't, we don't agree and its often easier to say nothing.

Difficult time at the moment as it is, so this is just another thing to deal with. I must add that during this conversation I was reasonable and measured, which prob. wound her up even more. She started ranting about how my sis and I don't support her - again totally unrelated to the original conversation.

I'll also add that my parents have come to this conclusion following a phone conversation update with my aunt after the consultant appointment yesterday, and are both raging at me for my question as to why they believe all this.

Just to clarify my uncle is my aunts ex partner, but they have always stayed close and he's staying with her whilst he recovers. There's been all kinds of anger from my mum about him and I think this is all tied up in that really.

Very tired and fed up now.

Stage 3 might mean T3 (local stage- extent of spread through bowel wall) if the lymph nodes are negative (T3 N0) that is Duke's B and doesn't need chemo

Ah, see, I knew somebody would be along who'd know what they are talking about - I would've needed to look it up, thanks, Swallowed

I'm sure you're right, and that your mother's relationship with her sister is clouding her thoughts. I don't see any reason from what you've said why your uncle shouldn't trust his treatment team.

I know several people who've had bowel cancer (hereditary in my family, and a couple of others as well). Only one of them had chemo, and even she was told there was a 70% chance she didn't need it. Bowel cancer can be very successfully cured through surgery if caught early enough.

Speaking as a doctor, I can't imagine a time when I (or any of my colleagues) would lie to a patient or their families about treatment options.

It is entirely possible that the surgery removed all of the cancer in your uncle's bowel, especially as you say he was a fit and healthy man and if the cancer was detected early.

If your uncle is well enough, and able to understand, I would be very deeply shocked to find a doctor has not discussed his illness and treatment options with him directly. If he isn't well enough, they would discuss this with his next of kin. Either way, doctors would be honest
about his health and his options.

There is the possibility, as others have suggested, that your uncles does need further treatment but has declined this and has asked your aunt not to tell anyone he has declined treatment.

Despite their nursing backgrounds, your parents may be struggling because this is someone close to them. I find it almost impossible to remain objective when it is a close family member who is ill - I am completely useless when it is personal and all common sense and logic goes out the window.

Stage 3 is generally the last stage which means it's probably spread to the lymph nodes. I'm sorry OP, on top of him being sick the last you need is family drama. Are you sure it's stage 3?

I can understand why your parents are dubious if that's the case but I very much doubt a doctor would lie about it, it's more likely to be people omitting things from your parents.

Last stage, second to last even.

I was wondering if you can actually speak to your aunt and uncle yourself and ask them? At least that way you would know and it wouldn't be clouded by your mums issues with her sister.

My FIL had bowel cancer and was treated in the same way - surgery but no chemo. He's now been clear for 5 years. Afaik, bowel cancer is one of the most easily treated by surgery if it's caught early enough. It's perfectly possible for him to not need chemo.
Your parents reaction sounds ridiculously over the top.

I queried this and she went mental, how I'm doubting her etc when she's been a nurse for 40 years etc. etc.

This is your problem. Your mum has an over-inflated and grandiose sense of her own knowledge, combined with a lack of respect for others. She sounds about 12...

I know of someone that has had bowel surgery following cancer and doesn't need chemo.