AIBU to exclude Aunt a little?

[AnniDollxox]

My Mums sister, my auntie is a nice enough person but 5 years ago when I had DD she totally took over my life, I was single and young so I never questioned it. She put my mum out all the time and she never got to see her granddaughter. This really upset my grandma and dad.
She has had a lot of issues in her life, she had to give her son up for adoption at 16, and she has been married and divorced twice and she has recently fallen in to debt and been declared bankrupt for the fourth time in her life. But her biggest problem out of all that is she can't control herself!
I am currently 8 months pregnant with DC and this time I have a boyfriend and everything is different, his parents are really excited to be grandparents etc. she has already bought me lots of stuff and demanded that I let her come see me in the hospital. I am already embarrassed by how she acts and dresses and behaves towards people but I do love her, she is family and we are a closeish family. Should I talk to her or just leave it, I don't want to upset her but I don't want her ruining the first GC for inlaws! AIBU?

P.s forgot to mention she hates my mum because my mum and dad adopted me 10 years after she had to give her baby up. My mum was only 17 at the time.

springy ease up a bit would you?!

neon isn't fashionable

It's rather insulting, you trying to differentiate 'real dad' and 'adoptive dad'. Her dad is her dad!

OP, please don't let her ruin this for you! You are entitled to assert your wants and needs in this situation and she needs to respect that or ship out. Your poor mum!

Seriously, though, she sounds quite childlike (amongst other things..). Is there a developmental something going on with her?

Is she a creative? Does she work in the arts? Lots of people in the arts dress mad well into old(er) age. Also often quite entrepreneurial, push the boat out.

I'm not excusing her, just trying to get a picture of her. Creatives are very often entirely misunderstood by the general population.

I'm more concerned that she effectively pushed your mum out of the picture when you had your first child. Don't your family talk to one another? You were young, though; she was your favourite aunt/person (a lot of fun? off the wall character?). She had also lost her child and you were going through the exact scenario she did when she had to give up her baby: young, not in a relationship, pregnant. Not surprised she deeply related to you at the time. Did the rest of the family feel sorry for her and let her get on with dominating everything?

(I appreciate I'm going on)

Springy artistic or not, she sounds like she's making OP unhappy. That's all we need to know really.

Just trying to understand the story mitty! that is all. Who's who etc.

I wish I could do a lot of these things suggested. I will be leaving it a while to tell her iv had the baby, we live in Scotland so I'm hoping it snows so I don't have to deal with her (I'm such a wuss, I just don't want to upset her) it's unfair on the whole family, we can't have a nice occasion because she always has to be the centre of attention an kick off if things aren't going her way.
That's for the support ladies, makes me feel better that it's not me lol

Yeah she is "arty", she was a lot of fun when I was younger, my mum was a manager in a supermarket so my aunt (who has never had a job) always looked after me along with my granny.
My family don't talk much anymore after the things my auntie has done an said over the years, obv my parents hid all this from me when I was little so I only found out when I was about 14 that she had all these problems.
Of course we all feel for her (apart from my dad and uncle) giving up a child must me horrible! I was given up and it's just as bad to try and come to terms with, but there is only so much 'sorry' you can feel for someone before you want to strangle them!
She has said a few things over the years that has really upset some people and she must have some kind of mental health issue going on in the background but I'm not sure what

I feel for you. Especially as you're kind and don't want to hurt her.

Whatever has happened with her - heartbreaking - you've got to set some boundaries, though. Maybe your family aren't very good at setting boundaries - it's not hard to learn (harder to do! but if you read up on setting boundaries you at least you have a template and it's clearer in your mind what you're doing and why you're doing it).

I have a relative like this. Terrible thing happened to her and we all have to sit around her like she's the campfire.

terrible thing = 30 years ago. We all care, of course we do...

Amazing how some people close to us can manage to make our special events all about them.

Of course you'll want your own parents and DP's parents to get involved and cherish their new grandchild. And in a different capacity, your aunt can be part of the wider family welcoming your latest DC. Just not at the hospital and only at your convenience thereafter. Not least because you three - you DP and DD - really need time together as a little family unit.

Your aunt's history is her own. It doesn't give her carte blanche to take over and dominate your life. Last time round she capitalised - sorry if that sounds harsh - on your inexperience.