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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

16 times a minute

42 replies

Oakmaiden · 04/11/2014 01:35

That is how often my husband snores.

OP posts:

confusedandemployed · 04/11/2014 07:13

I fail yo understand why you are putting up with sleep deprivation just so you husband doesn't have a hissy fit.
I am also amazed at how many people devalue the importance of sleep. It's essential for life. Get yourself in the spare room. God, people like your husband really annoy me.

Original poster

Oakmaiden · 04/11/2014 15:56

See, I did mention it to him. I said I had had very little sleep last night. He asked if it was because of him. I said yes. He asked if he should move out.

FFS. We have been married for 20 years, and when I complain about him snoring (which I do VERY rarely) his response is not "Oh, I'm sorry, why not have a nap now, since you are not working today". or "Oh, you should have woken me, and I'd go and sleep in the spare room", but "maybe I should leave". Which he can say, because he KNOWS it is bloody ridiculous and there is no way I would say "Oh yes, what a good idea" over him sodding snoring. So he is just saying it to make me feel bad for mentioning it, and to make me feel sorry for him. Grrr.

OP posts:

PetulaGordino · 04/11/2014 16:04

that is irritating enough to be tempted to call his bluff

PurpleWithRed · 04/11/2014 16:06

My XH was like that. Sulked if I moved to the spare room, sulked if I woke him up, sulked if I mentioned it. Totally unreasonable, selfish and pathetic. I can't stand sulkers.

jwoodsj · 04/11/2014 16:07

Divorce?

OOAOML · 04/11/2014 16:09

Have you asked him directly to go to his doctor about it? How about when he asks if he should leave, you say 'only if you're not prepared to look at any other options'?

Bogeyface · 04/11/2014 16:13

I was thinking what OOAOML posted.

Reply with "Are you prepared to see the doctor and try and address this problem? If not then yes, perhaps moving out may be the best idea" Then the ball is in his court. Selfish prat.

amicissimma · 04/11/2014 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoughnutSelfie · 04/11/2014 16:16

Yes what Bogey said

Troublesome snoring can have serious health implications

Original poster

Oakmaiden · 04/11/2014 16:18

He did go to the doctor about it some years ago. He tried using those nose strip things (didn't make any difference) and a mouth guard thing (stopped the snoring, but made him whistle every time he exhaled, which was no better really). They in the end suggested 3 things: losing weight (although he used to be slim and snored then, although possibly not so badly), going to a sleep clinic for a study, and an operation on his nose. None of which he went for.

This is not the only thing in our relationship which is a bit of an elephant in the room. It is probably not all his fault - I don't push things, because I have an absolute horror of conflict. I just can't cope with it at all. So I avoid it all by just trying to pretend everything is OK.

OP posts:

Meow75 · 04/11/2014 16:20

Regularly snoring on a long term basis is, as mentioned above, an indicator of sleep apnoea. This can be a very serious medical condition. The snoring is a sign that his airway is obstructed, thus there is not as much oxygen getting to his brain - and the rest of his body - as there should be. Wikipedia and all the medical websites will tell you about the side effects of sleep apnoea.

Mine went undiagnosed for approximately 10-15 years. I started treatment with a CPAP machine in March 2013, and it has changed my life. I couldn't be trusted to drive even 10 minutes before. Even as a passenger, I'd be nodding off mere minutes into a journey.

The results of my night at the sleep clinic showed that My breathing was being interrupted on average 32 times a minute. Is it any wonder I was always exhausted?!?!

You really need to sort out this childish response of your husband's and inform him about sleep apnoea. It's not just people who are overweight that suffer with this although they are the majority.

Would a print out of information about sleep apnoea be a starting point. Although you shouldn't have to, make this about his health rather than your quality of sleep and tell him how concerned you are if he doesn't get this investigated.

Now, I just need to do the same with mine. He doesn't sulk, he just knows that his Dr will tell him that he'll stop snoring if he loses weight, so he keeps putting it off. Thanks DH!!

addictedtosugar · 04/11/2014 20:28

Are you me?
Although I did go and sleep in the kids room last night (there is a double and a toddler bed in DS2's room).
I'd rolled him onto his side, nudged kicked him several times, and it was still ongoing. So I moved.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one whose heart sinks when he announces hes having an early night. I too need to be fast asleep before he comes upstairs.

Here's to a good nights sleep for all.

ToriaPumpkin · 04/11/2014 20:35

DH once sat up in bed and shouted at me for being annoying constantly poking and touching him and why was I doing it anyway when he hadn't even been to sleep yet. Then I killed him.

Ok not really, but it was fucking close. He does accept he snores, and will go sleep elsewhere if I ask, but he won't go to the GP as last time they told him there was nothing wrong with him. nothing that a pillow to the face wouldn't cure

Hassled · 04/11/2014 20:39

I think you need to overcome your horror of conflict because persistent poor quality sleep will affect your health - physically and mentally. Move into the spare room and let him sulk - he'll get over it. He's behaving like a petulant, selfish child.

I'm married to a snorer and we're in separate rooms now - and our relationship is much better now I'm not a permanent ball of exhausted, resentful fury. And DH is fine with it, on the basis that he wants me rested and happy.

Ragwort · 04/11/2014 20:43

Why on earth do grown ups 'sulk' if their wife/husband sleeps in the spare room? (assuming you are lucky enough to have a spare room of course).
I have been married over 26 years yet we long ago stopped sharing a bed, sleeping on your own is just so much more comfortable - no snoring/farting/being woken up - if you want to read/get up in the middle of the night you can without fear of waking the other one up.

The one thing I dread about holidays or going away is having to share a bedroom. . Actually we've got a guest tomorrow so DH will be returning to 'my' bed. .

PingPongBat · 04/11/2014 20:55

My FIL used to snore very loudly (you could hear it 3 rooms away with all the doors shut). Then he went to a sleep clinic and as a result they gave him an power assisted oxygen mask (or something like that) which he wears at night. He looks rather weird, slightly gimpy () but... he no longer snores.

DH used to sulk too when I complained. I think he thought I was criticising him for no proper reason, but when I explained that I wasn't getting any sleep, and then spent a week in the spare room, he calmed down and apologised.

Ear plugs are my solution.

Meow75 · 06/11/2014 17:08

PingPongBat, that's machine I've got. It's called CPAP and it's just a fancy pump, ensuring that air is being pushed hard enough to hold the airway open without keeping me awake.

A lifesaver, as I wouldn't be able to get through a day's work or drive for more than about 5 minutes without it.

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