To give up breast feeding 4 weeks in?

[palmtreeheaven]

My beautiful NB wants to feed constantly and suckle all the time. I am enjoying breast feeding but have 2 other children who are toddlers so it's incredibly difficult to spend the whole day feeding/holding my NB.

He cries when he's not latched on. My elder two were not like this at all and happily sat in their chairs or lay in a Moses basket.

He also seems hungry, constantly. I need to top up with formula after each feed or he won't sleep at all.

I really want to continue BFing but can't do it constantly. How do you manage to keep going when you have older children?

Nobody will know how they were fed - exactly!

And will your kids still love you and think you're amazing whatever you decide now - yes, definitely!

One thing I didn't suggest was if you are unsure just take it one feed at a time. It's a great mantra while you're trying to decide. With DC1 this meant he was sometimes given formula (once or occasionally twice a day) as I needed the mental and physical break. I did this from 3w but was still bf him at 12mo so combo feeding is possible to sustain. With DC2 she was a dream to feed and it was always easier to bf. With DC3 I've moved from taking it one feed at a time to one day at a time (progress!) but I am fairly certain I'll be introducing some night time formula in the next few weeks as I'm going to need some decent sleep soon!

My f2f was like this. She stopped feeding so constantly about 8 weeks in. It turned out she had as pretty severe lip tie though (which I didn't find out about until she was 9 months old - not that knowing earlier would have made a difference, lip ties aren't treated in this country). Get your little one checked for tongue and lip ties.

Anyway, yanbu to want to switch to formula, especially with two toddlers!

However, things might get easier in a few weeks anyway if you stick to bfing.

I meant my dd, not my f2f. Weird typo.

I think you kind of forget a bit how needy newborns are. And having two already just amplifies that.

I would have a chat with a BF counsellor, rule out tongue tie and other possible things e.g. is he getting enough sleep? (They need shit loads at that age)!

Then make your decision.

I think it would be a bit odd to give up breastfeeding this soon when you are enjoying it, even if your kiddy does have a different feeding pattern from your older two.

I gave up at a similar point with my second, but I wasn't enjoying it. At all. I hung on as long as I could and gave up when I just couldn't stand it any more. It was pretty obvious that he didn't enjoy it either. (I was desperately disappointed because BFing my first had been lovely.)

Stop comparing yourself to others as each situation is different and it's pointless doing so. Do what works best for you. You don't need permission from strangers. As someone pointed out it's formula not heroin and many people use formula.

I would look at it in the round. Make a decision based on what's best for your baby, you, your other children, your partner.

We're constantly told about the benefits of breast feeding, but these must be considered in the context of benefits that don't get so much airtime - a happy, rested Mum, routines/needs of the other children, smoother running of the home, etc, etc.

I know it's difficult, but please don't worry about comparing yourself to others. For all you know they might have shedloads of support, a baby who's a super efficient feeder, and so on. Everyone's circumstances are different.

I'm currently breast feeding my first child (21 weeks) but I know for a fact that this would not be working for me if I had other children to worry about.

As others have said, do what is best for you and your family.

It could just be a growth spurt which will tail off fairly soon. My DS fed pretty much none stop for the first 8 weeks!

If you do want to continue you could look at getting a stretchy wrap and putting your baby in a cradle carry so you can be more active and have hands free. Mine saved my sanity!

Also second the dummy opinion. DS was definitely using me just for comfort suckles and it certainly helped!

Whatever you decide to do, don't beat yourself up about it. As long as your baby is fed and happy, it really doesn't matter how it's done.

I'm BFing a 13 week old and have one (not two!) toddler, 2.5yo.

I second (third? Fourth?) sling plus dummy. Total life-saver here.

Also, longer term, BFing is definitely the easier option when you have a toddler (can't imagine dealing with a fractious toddler/s, sterilised bottles and a screaming baby when you could just stick a boob in!) so I'd take the one feed at a time approach with a view to the longer term. The first six weeks always feel like they're never going to end, but they do.

But ultimately, it's your decision and what works best for you

How are you feeling today op?

it doesn't have to be all or nothing either.. it's ok to mixed feed - sometimes boob, sometimes bottle. As long as baby is fed it doesn't matter. Sometimes the reality is that you can't do just boob. my poor second child was constantly being unlatched so I could stop his 2 year old big brother doing something. It made it difficult to just boob feed.

I think bfing DC2 might have been when DC1 got addicted to Peppa Pig...

Hope you are ok, OP.

The message I took from your post (I may be wrong) is that you are enjoying it, don't want to stop and want to know how others manage. Real life BF support can help with that. It's lovely that people are coming on to reassure you that stopping BF isn't the end of the world - they are right - but I have been in your position, stopped, initially felt relieved, then realised i had been too rash and I hadn't given myself space to make an informed decision. Just wanted to say really think about it first and then get on with enjoying your baby x

My first was like your second. When my second arrived and was the baby that would chill out between feeds I was quite shocked!

Of course with my first being hungrier/needier/whatever I didn't have other children to consider.

I do think you need to rule out possible latch issues before making a decision on whether to give up or not. Do you have a BF counsellor nearby?
Is he a sicky baby?

How was your supply with your first two children? I'm asking because if you had no problems then hopefully you won't with this one as well and thus mixed feeding may well work out better for you than it might for others. It might just give you the window you need to get stuff done and feel more on top of things, and then maybe in a week or so you may feel better able to reduce the formula. As you know patterns do start to emerge at about 6 weeks, but it can seem a jolly long time getting there!

Yanbu, of course not. Bf, ff, mixture of the two - if baby and mum are happy and healthy that's the main thing. Don't beat yourself up.

It's entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel guilty whatever you decide to do.

If you want to continue - I agree with getting a dummy! Comfort sucking can tie you down terribly, and I think fewer bigger feeds are more satisfying for them (IMO). Also don't feel bad about mixed feeding. I can't remember where I saw it but there was a study about success rates of breast feeding in different communities. One of the most successful communities was one that tended to mixed feed, with mums who often didn't speak much English so just ignored midwives/HVs/advice on feeding (which usually says mixed feeding is a disaster) and got on with it their own way, which worked really well.

If you want to stop, then stop. Formula babies do fine. He's had the benefit of a month's breastmilk, that's great, but you are allowed to think about what's best for your family as a whole, not just one member of it.

direct.asda.com/tommee-tippee-essential-basics-Cherry-Soother-0-6m-x2/002658392,default,pd.html These dummies were great for my sucky baby - he wasn't fussed on the orthodontic ones but they were done by the time any teeth came in.

YANBU to give up. It is very hard when they won't give you time off.

If he is hungry after a long feeding session he could have a problem with latching or milk transfer e.g. tongue tie, lip tie. They can be very subtle and it is about the function of the tongue not the anatomy, so you would need to see a lactation consultant rather than check yourself really. You could find one at your local breastfeeding clinic/ cafe if there is one, or contact your hospital/ children's centre/google if private is an option. A tongue tie snip is usually quick and straightforward and his feeding will be more effective.

Another option is that baby wants to be held abd associates feeding with being held. I echo the advice about a sling, esp one you can feed in. Moby is good if you can tie a sling. Ergo and Beco are good buckled carriers.

Your supply may be down if you are topping up, or baby may be having a growth spurt. I know it is difficult with multiple kids, but if it is a supply problem then some rest and skin to skin time with baby in the short term will make everything easier longer term (once you have feeding established it will be easier than prepping formula). Can anyone help with your toddlers over the next week or so to give you a break?

Given that you planned to breastfeed and have achieved four weeks it seems a shame to stop now when things usually improve after six weeks.

Do you have a local breastfeeding cafe? When I go the older kids run around playing together and mum bas a chance to speak to the advisors and other mums.

Also if baby is feeding a lot overnight can you co sleep at night? There are safer co sleeping guidelines e.g. do not smoke, no alcohol. Co sleeping is fantastic for breastfeeding as you can doze whilst baby has a long feed. I felt so much better as I was finally getting some decent sleep.

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/sleep-safety/cosleeping-safely

Drinking fennel tea increases milk supply.
It is available in most supermarkets.

If you are short of milk it will really help.

My DS is 14 weeks and just beginning to get better after starting out like your little one. What has helped has been:

1- going to a breastfeeding support group, found a local LLL one and though I've only been twice both times it has been just the boost I needed.
2- getting his tongue tie sorted FINALLY after ten weeks of numerous health professionals telling me he didn't have one. Find a proper lactation consultant to check as they're not always easily visible - groups as above might point you in the right direction, and some children's centres have drop-ins with them.
3 - giving him formula, not as a regular 'top up', but when I couldn't stand the constant feeding and needed to hand him to his father for a break. He never stopped for long enough to let me express so that wasn't an option.
4 - finally realising round about week 7 that I could stop if I wanted to. It wasn't a competition, and he'd be happy and healthy and loved on formula too. Oddly that helped me stop stressing which in turn made it easier to put up with.

All that said I think if I'd had two older children I wouldn't have lasted the first fortnight! You've already done brilliantly .

Oh and I almost forgot:
5- envisioning the monstrous hassle it would be if we switched completely to formula. Being incredibly lazy occasionally works in my favour

How are things going now palmtreeheaven?