To be pissed off about this?

[FiveStars]

I've found out that DP has organised a piss up with his mates the night before my birthday. I am actually really pissed about this as I don't fancy spending my birthday with a hungover lump. We usually make a big deal of birthdays and he is usually very considerate so it's shocked me.

I originally suggested a group party (all the couples basically) for the same date but no one was bothered, now that it's men only they're all jumping at it.
So aibu to be pissed off that he plans on being hugely hungover on my birthday?!

But that's what op is saying, he won't make a fuss of her on the day as he'll be in bed hungover expecting her to keep the kids quiet.

It will affect it though. Our older child is hard work at the best of times. DP doesnt deal well with hangovers and will be grumpy and shouty and need a nap.

I'm trying to decide whether to plan a night out with my friends on the night before my birthday, or to just let him crack on with it but leave older child with him on the day while I go out and have a nice time.

She will have to tell him that if he has a hangover, she will go out with the baby because it will be no fun being around him.

Seriously, it is possible for him to have a great night out without drinking enough to cause a hangover. He could offer to drive, for example, and his night out won't have a negative affect on the next day. If that is too much to ask, perhaps he shouldn't go?

Yanbu. DP did this the day before my first Mother's Day. Needless to say the day was ruined - he had a hangover, I was left to do absolutely everything regarding ds, walking dog, making meals. I was not impressed. Just make it very clear to him if he has a massive hangover then you won't be happy and you will be leaving him with the eldest while you and the baby go to one of your friends house or something.

If that was the case then I wouldn't mind too much fairenuff, although if still be jealous he's out having fun while I'm at home but I could get over that.
But that won't happen. All his friends will be wrecked, theyre starting at lunchtime and not stopping until they can't drink any more. There's no way he'd stay sober for that!

At least give him the choice OP:

1. on his own with 4 year old and hangover
2. with you and both children and no hangover

Then he can't complain if he still chooses to go ahead and overdrink.

We don't make big deals of birthdays but if your pissed just tell him you've arranged the day out with your mates and he'll be in charge of the kids. It's then up to him how pissed he gets.

I think you are bu. he hasn't made plans on your birthday, In fact you don't really know what the actual plans are!
I can go out and still function perfectly the following day. I would think nothing of going out the night before with friends the night before my ohs birthday.

You sound rather entitled IMO. However if your oh is likely to be in bed all day on your birthday instead of doing things with you then I think you might have a point.

Maddy the OP has already said her DH is useless with a hangover...

But she doesn't know what the arrangements are , he might just be going to have a couple? If he writes off the next day then she has a point. But just because she feels left out then that is very unreasonable and rather controlling

OP that's one serious drinking binge

Did you speak to him about it yet OP?

Yep, he reckons he won't get drunk enough so that he has a bad hangover. I'm struggling to believe him after the example he's set the previous years.
I'm just going to let him crack on with it but make back up plans for the day. Not much else I can do really.

I think that's a good idea OP. If he lets you down, leave him with the four year old and go out to see friends or family with your baby, let them make a fuss of you instead. Hopefully that won't have to happen though.

I've always been happy to leave my boys with dh and grandparents to have some adult time but really struggle with the fact that so many people are suggesting the op should leave her high maintenance 4 year old with hungover dh, who she says doesn't cope with hangovers well, and swan off with the baby. That's hardly fair on the 4 year old is it, to knowingly give them a miserable day to make a point to your dh.

Time for a cards on the table chat with your dh, like adults. Tell him how disappointed you'll be if your birthday is ruined by him drinking too much. Make some plans for your birthday that include him having a short lie in then spending the rest of the day together. Have your lie in the day after. Given that you've said he's usually a reasonable guy, hopefully this should be enough for him to reign it in a bit. If it's not you've got bigger problems, imho.

You sound like a right pain to be honest. It's just a birthday!