to end sexists marrages

[toriuk]

Its not my wedding but my friend is going along with the whole only men give speechs.

I
Aibu to push forward the idea of women speaking? I want to tell the groom how pretty he looks and say how clever the bride is.

YANBU to want to end sexist marriages. YABU to want to end sexist weddings. Yes, I get that the father 'giving' his daughter to her husband is ridiculously old fashioned. I had a traditional wedding (although I did an off the cuff pretty crap speech) but it's but happens during the marriage that's important, not one day.

I made a speech at our wedding because dh was making jokes about wedding pressies being mainly mine as they were for the kitchen.
This was just before we cut the cake, so I raised the cake knife and took over his speech.
This was 22 years ago, so hardly a new thing.

It's different than getting up at a friends wedding because I think women should make speeches when they aren't asked to.

I attended a wedding recently where the grooms sisters were his best women. They both made speeches

guestzilla I love it! That will be me.

I know IBU but it is depressing for a smart friend who calls herself a feminist to plan on only men speaking at her party.

Op I suggest you get your own life instead.

YABU to try and use your friend's wedding day to make a political point. So rude and self-centred. Don't go if it bothers you so much but button your lip.

And I say that as a bride who gave a speech at my own wedding.

BTW, nothing wrong with suggesting one or more of the women give a speech. 'Pushing' for it is a different matter. Are you the chief bridesmaid or matron of honour?

Also, I don't understand the 'I want to tell the bride how clever she is' comment. Presumably you're trying to do a bit of role reversal, but I've never been to a wedding where the groom has been told how clever he is .

Lol I not planning on hijacking, just giving her feedback as she asked for my view.

Although pass me the rosé on the day and I might be tempted. Hate it when the bride is just complimented on her looks.

Op, why don't you ask her if you can make a speech? She might be delighted to have a friend say something.

That was my point, the bride is always called pretty, the groom clever.

Maybe your smart friend knows all wedding speeches are really really dull and wants to sit there drinking herself shitfaced through the tedium.

I would.

I understand your point, but are most grooms really told how clever they are? I've never heard this. Maybe I only know thick grooms.

Yes usually clever / smart / successful. Never heard one complimented on his looks...

On second thoughts Op, I don't think I'd want you making a speech. You sound like it would all be for you and all about making a point.

I think it would be really nice of you to tell your friend the things you value in her, I think that would mean a lot to her, why not just do that at some point before the wedding?

You see, now I'm really worried that every groom I've ever known (including my own DH) is substandard. Can anybody else reassure me that not every wedding speech they've heard praises the groom's intellect?

Come to think about it, I'm not sure I was praised on my looks, either. And I'm bloody gorgeous.

YANBU to tell your friend what you think about the traditions of weddings, especially if t's the kind of subject that you'd normally talk about with her.

YABU to have titled this thread "AIBU to end sexists marrages" - it sounds
1 - a bit illiterate
2 - like you are going to go out and somehow end the marriages of sexist people, which would have been a much more entertaining idea.

You see I've never heard this 'bride is pretty and groom is clever' bolleaux because I don't tune in to the speeches because they're so boring.

Maybe you've only been to weddings where the bride is beautiful and stupid, and the groom a genius trogolodyte.

OP unless you're going to race up to the front just as the first speech starts and say STOP THE MADNESS! LET'S ALL GET SHITFACED INSTEAD! you should really drop this idea.

Trills I think '2' is an EXCELLENT idea. Apart from the side effect of it stopping approximately 70% of threads started on MN.

I can only remember one wedding speech and it wasn't any from my own wedding...
(It was the best man at a friends wedding - he was slightly famous and hilarious)
I think the majority of speeches are only remembered if they upset someone or go on for eternity anyway.
YABU, it's not your wedding, leave her alone, she'll have enough on her plate!

YABU I didn't give a speech at my wedding because I hate public speaking and would not have appreciated anyone trying to push forward the idea of me giving a speech.
My Dad and DH did a great job, but if I wanted to speak I certainly would have.

At my wedding (at which DH and I did a joint speech, and its not the only wedding I've spoken at, btw) the best man said I looked beautiful about 3 times. I thought, wow, I must look fab - that's totally out of character for him. I later found his notes - 3 bullet points and the words 'if you get stuck, say how pretty the bride looks'. He's a good speaker, bur with no notes everyone needs a filler!

I spoke at mine. Wasn't intending to. Mine was better than dh.

Mrs smug of smugland smugshire

Oh wow, my marriage is sexist because I didn't make a speech? Ffs, having equal rights to men doesn't mean having to be the same and having to do a speech. Your friend could absolutely do a speech but is using her right to choose not to.
It's people like you who make people like me feel afraid to admit our views on feminism because people might think we're crazy like you.

Yabu. Butt out.

OP You begin by saying that it's not your wedding.

Right. So MYOB.

Anyone with their own wedding coming up and planning a speech might want to include this line which I once heard:

I'd like to thank my Dad for coming and my Mum for being there at the time.