to ask what the police can actually do about this?

[Espii]

On saturday at around 5, a man in his late 60's-early 70's was shouting over to me. Now I have severe anxiety that was way up - I was out on my own which I don't normally do. He was shouting "excuse me!, Excuse me!" I ignored as I would with anyone, until he said "can you help me please?"
I asked what was the matter and he asked me to take him to the corner shop, which was down a long road back the way I came and I had to go meet MIL. I said I can't as I have to be somewhere. He then asked me if I could take him across the road. I couldn't say no. He had a walking stick, so I'd expect when I gave him my arm for stability, he would have put pressure on my arm. Anyway, we got across the road to a house directly opposite. He tried to get me into the garden and grasped hold of my sleeve and said "just come to the door a sec love"
I said no... no... nononono.... NO and yanked my arm away.
I spoke to a friend of MIL's who uses walking sticks and said he would have put pressure on my arm if he needed my help, as sticks don't help your balance and you can't distribute your weight if you need a stick. He didn't need my help and was probably a ruse.
Now, we phoned the police and I was a bit shaken. they came out yesterday, a pcso mind, and they said unless I was touched innapropriately, they can't arrest him but they can look into it.
I thought, what if he'd have grabbed me and I'd have been grabbed from in the house?
I am 4'11 and to be fair, I don't look any older than 14 without makeup on, and with joggers on.
He probably thought I was years younger than I actually am.
What will they do about it? I mean, I have no idea if he's tried to do this before, but I've heard that they use old men who need help and children who have lost their mummies as ruses to abduct young girls, which I'm not, but I can get away with looking like one unfortunately.
I'm still a bit shaken from it. It could have been nothing.
God this long, sorry.

OP, in all seriousness, if you're getting nightmares and waking up crying and are sometimes not able to speak, you need to get some help. That is not normal.

There is a tiny minority of people wo are out to hurt others, but think about it - how many people do you know who have actually been hurt by someone else?

"Never talk to strangers" is great advice to children, who aren't mature enough to make a judgement about people's intentions, but by adulthood we can take that advice with a bit of common sense and lend a hand to the occasional old boy who is a bit frail or otherwise needs help.

There are loads of reasons why he might need help crossing the road that have nothing to do with him needing/not needing a stick. Perhaps he's partially sighted (just one example).

I think you shouldn't just take one persons opinion of how a stick is used as gospel. My DM uses a stick when her MS is playing up, it's mainly there for it/when her leg goes dead so she doesn't fall. Other times she has to heavily lean on it to keep her balance. Other people will have many different ways of using their stick.

I hope you find a way to manage your anxiety, not all strangers are out to harm you

How many posts am I going to read from people on here panicking about strangers? You are at a much greater risk of harm from a family member. This poor chap probably just nneeded help and you go accusing him of being a child molester and call the police? Shame on you!

And how many posts are we going to read, youareall, from posters who don't read the OP's posts properly and jump to unhelpful assumptions?

I wasn't accusing him of anything! he wanted me to go to the door of another house and grabbed onto me harder when I said no! I didn't report it, MIL did, when I rang her and told her I thought it was dodgy! if someone had your arm and told you "come to the door lvoe" would you not find that strange?
Perhaps these are all good explanations.
And yes I need help for my anxiety, but I'm sick of waiting two weeks every time I want an appointment to see someone. I am under 25 but The Beck told me it was all my fault that I suffered from MH problems when I was younger. I won't go back. It made me worse.
Sorry, yes I may be over reacting, but it was still dodgy.
And yes I know "don't talk to strangers" is good advice for children, but up until a few years ago, I was one, I am quite young. I still don't talk to people I don't know and it's the reason I have no friends and such but thats a different thread.
Ah well, I'd say leave it now but this is AIBU

OP, it's a shame you are suffering like this. Please go back to your GP and ask for help again. I've suffered from anxiety in the past and I know how debilitating it is. But you can get better.

If the CBT appointments are while you are at work I think you may be able to take time off for them, the same as if you had a physical condition. Also, anti-depressants can help while you are undergoing CBT. They aren't 'happy' pills, contrary to what certain sections of the media say, but they can make you feel more balanced and 'normal'.

If he needed help physically, why did he call on a small woman who has the appearance of a 14 year old?

Well said thurlow

Sorry, cross post.

No, don't go back to the place you went before, but do speak to someone. Please don't let this horrible condition take any more of your life!

As a PP said he sounded confused and maybe has dementia, I can understand why that freaked you out though if you've no experience of it

Does seem a shame, though; if the old man is actually suffering from dementia, for him to wind up being questioned by the police because he asked someone for help...
If he had any evil intent; he made sure he had as big an audience as possible before pouncing, didn't he??

saskia they told me they wouldn't give me pills as "'kids' my age want to get high off them". I'm an adult for christs sake, but as I said, I look very young. Every time I go they fob me off and I don't know where to go. Its things like this that set it off and it doesn't stop for a week, then there's something else, like a nightmare, then I lose appetite and stop eating, then I sleep too much and start eating again, then I get insomnia and panic attacks.
And there's nothing wrong? My heads a mess, but according to my GP, there's nothing wrong and they can't help me. It's stuff like this that really sets me off into panics.
and exactly 26 thats why I found it dodgy.

i was jumped on and pulled to the floor when i was younger , my dd was grabbed by a man but luckily got away this year , they were not family members youareallbonkers

The benefit, I guess, of involving the police is they will inform social services and help make this gentleman safe in his home and community

I think you did the right thing, I'm sure it was nothing important and just a misunderstanding but there was no harm informing the police

I did something similar when my daughter was involved, the police were more than happy to just look into it and make a note

The way your MIL's friend uses sticks isn't necessarily the way everyone uses sticks.

I get that you have anxiety. I'm also thinking that potentially there is an old man who needed help, asked for it and now feels like a dirty old man. The PCSO said and they said unless I was touched innapropriately, they can't arrest him but they can look into it - can you follow this up to put your mind at rest?

Also, regarding I've heard that they use old men who need help and children who have lost their mummies as ruses to abduct young girls - this is almost certainly an urban myth.

I know it is easy for me to say, but try not to give too much headspace to this. It's over with and whether it was innocent or not, it's not in your domain anymore.

OP I DO think this is dodgy. Your gut feeling is that it was dodgy. You said that he was not consistent in his need for help and support from you and his stick throughout the incident and this is dodgy. You ask what the police can do about it. Well that is up to them but I think it is right that the police are informed. If you were obviously some big lass built like a brick shithouse like me it would make sense that he hailed you over but you look like a teen. It's dodgy. The police will know if they have had similar reports and they might keep an eye out for him or go and talk to him to get a feel of how doddery he is in reality or if it was a ruse to get you into his house and do something terrible. Let them do their job. Go with your gut feeling.

Espii - sadly, MH services can be patchy :( The first time I tried to get help I was told it was perfectly normal to feel the way I did because of the stress of having young children. So I spent years feeling dreadful and getting worse. Luckily, I moved house and the new GP I registered with was (is) brilliant. Do try somewhere else! You shouldn't have to, but it really is worth it. If you worry about saying how you feel - I know how easy it is to downplay it - maybe write a few notes to take with you, or ask someone to come along and speak on your behalf?

Your gut feeling is that it was dodgy

Yes, you listened to your instincts, which is a good thing.

Whether or not your anxiety problem contributed to how you felt is hard to say.

It may well have been that the man was confused and that led him to behave that way, but whatever the cause, he did something that made you feel uncomfortable.

I don't necessarily think you were overreacting, but I think having it on record with the police is as much as can be done.

I'm glad OP listened to her instincts. Don't ignore gut feelings about this kind of thing.
Perhaps I'm not being objective because I knew someone (18 but very small) who was abducted and murdered by a serial killer who will have done a good job of looking like a harmless old man. Of course it's more likely OP's old man was harmless/had dementia, but there's still a chance something was wrong.
OP did the right thing to mention to the police, but having done that there's nothing more she can do.

It's practically impossible to say if this was dodgy or a case of confused old man needing help. If you thought it was dodgy, then you did well to report it. I would think that a man trying to get me to go to his house was dodgy, and I don't suffer from anxiety.
The police can't do anything since there was no crime committed, but they can knock on his door and if he's a casual harasser sometimes that's enough to prevent a repeat of this kind of behavior.