Why would it be so wrong to send this text to OW?

[justfoundout2014]

H had an affair with a mutual friend over a 2 year period, mainly conducted in our bed while I was at work. When I say 'mutual friend', we all met at the same time and she pursued a 'friendship' with me at the same time as them developing their affair. He left at the end of this summer - I know he's not living with her and that she is still with her h; he claims they are not together at all, which I can't believe.

I have good days and bad, more bad than good more recently, and I just can't get over the way she lied to me so many times. She has refused to see or speak to me, claiming that I 'can't be civil'. I absolutely feel more anger to H than her, but I have communicated with him and the lack of an explanation/apology from her is weighing on me so much.

I have avoided texting her since he left, but slipped up this week and told her how my life is in ruins. This provoked a patronising load of shit from her in which she told me not to worry as I will soon find 'new rhythms of enjoyment' and that I will find 'richness and beauty' in my life if, as she does, I 'squint hard enough at it.' I just don't get how someone can be so patronising, self-centred, crass, stupid... I replied sarcastically and have had a reply berating me for my 'rudeness and aggression'. (I have never been aggressive or threatening to her).

I just want to get to her. I can't bear the fact that she has sailed out of this intact, while my life is in tatters and my children don't live with their father anymore (I know that is mainly down to him, not her) while her life has stayed the same and she won't even acknowledge what she has done.
I know I need to leave it behind, but what I cannot bear, and cannot imagine ever bearing, is the idea of her spending time with my children. I want to text her that if I ever find out she has been near my dc, everyone where she lives and works will find out what she has done.

What are really the worst things that could come from this, because I really feel like I will send it now.

Do not try and justify or work out his behaviour - therein madness lies. He is not the man you thought, or hoped, he was. Perhaps you only saw what you thought he was - but do not try and comprehend his choices. You never will as your brain clearly is not wired the same way his is. Just think yourself lucky you have morals and high standards and you haven't done what he did.

He will regret it - he has thrown his life away - and what for. And now you know his dirty secret. Yup - tell folk what he has done. But do not let what he has done be part of you and your identity. You are worth much more than that.

The way you get power I'd by taking control of this situation. Get everything in order. See a solicitor. Hold on to your dignity

You do have power. You have the power to choose not to send it, which you have done, and also to delete her number now. Wipe her from your current life. Seriously, you have to hold your head up high and be dignified. Do not give either of them the satisfaction. The best revenge really is being successful and you will be. Sorry they've put you through such shit.

So sorry you are going through this op. I don't think I would have the retraint not to hit her tbh and I know that would get me know were. You are a good person op. I wish you all the happiness in your future

In fact, she'll expect you to text her. He expects it. They think they know you and how you'll behave. So do what they wouldn't expect, it'll irritate them more for you to brush them off and start moving on with your life. You can still rant and rage in private but don't let them see it.

Dont text
write it all down in a letter
release all the bile, hurt and anguish in the letter

then burn it

then give yourself the gift of dignity, chin up, head high.
They are both beneath your contempt- sleazy, sordid, self justifying bottom feeders

PS we are with you
rant and rave here
but dont let them fcuk your head up

Jesus, that's absolutely horrible, they are selfish disgusting people so no wonder you are bloody mad, it's not irrational or unhinged to feel how you do I'd say it's bloody normal under the circumstances.
I also think its understandable to want them to be hurting a bit and for there to be some consequences to their shitty behaviour when you're having to cope but dont think its healthy. I don't think it's the way to go as bitterness and unfairness will just eat you up and they are not worth anymore of your headspace.
Leave them to fuck up their own lives because despite what you think she can't be that happy in her own life if she does what she does and the novelty of freedom will wear off with your ex and it often gives way to being lonely and empty.
Write a big letter of everything little thing you'd like to say to all of them face to face and then bin it. Leave them to it, delete her number and start about making yourself happy

That is awful, just straight awful and you have every right to be furious. But don't send the text. Block her number and her email. Cut her off cold. She is simply not worth it. As the saying goes, the best revenge is living well. I wish you a much happier future.

Agree with cut her off cold and if anybody asks you have no obligation to lie for them. Blocking her will probably annoy her a lot more than sending the text. Then piss her off by leading the best life you possibly can, it'll get back to her :)

Don't do it. I know exactly where you're coming from. Was in a similar situation.

My "D"H had a relationship with a girl. After weeks I managed to get him to go NC with her and her family except he slipped up. We took a break. I got a text her TELLING me not to blame him and that he was having a lovely day with her.

Believe me it took all my willpower but I was bloody determined not to give her the benefit of knowing she was driving me loopy.

Stay strong. You can do it. You'll be proud of yourself when you come out the other side of this ????????

I was royally fucked over by some people (one person in particular) who I thought would never have stooped so low. Not in a million years.

The circumstances were vastly different to yours. Vastly. I'm not even talking about infidelity here. But I could have let what happened eat away at me for years. But that would only have stopped me enjoying my life, while everyone else merrily enjoyed theirs, oblivious to me.

I gain immense satisfaction from knowing that I am nothing like them, and never will be. I'm normally not an advocate of thinking oneself superior to others, but I have no problem acknowledging that I am way superior to them. It's a fact. I am. Once the penny dropped I was able to move on. I'm not like them and never will be, therefore my life will be much better than theirs ever could be. And I think it is. Though to be honest, I rarely give them a second's thought these days.

Don't waste your time thinking about them. They never think about you.

Good luck.

I agree with not texting her.

I would be perfectly ok with telling anyone you know who knows her, what a lying skank of a person she is though.