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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not have invited them?

26 replies

Smoolett · 31/10/2014 17:28

I am fully prepared to be told IABU I just need an outside perspective.
My dd is being christened in a few weeks time and I have invited most of my family plus a few close friends. PIL are paying for the 'do' after so for this reason we have kept the numbers quite low and not invited the world and his wife.
My aunt got married earlier in the year to a man who she has been with for quite a while. This man has an adult son who lives with his fiancee. We dont tend to have a great deal to do with them not really by design its just happened that way so im not close to them at all and they dont pop to mind when I think of family.
We have sent out the invitations to aunts, uncles, cousins etc but not invited my aunt's new stepson and fiancee mainly because we so seldom see them we didnt really think about it.

My aunt is most upset over this and seems very put out but doesnt realise that with her DH , my cousin and his DW and DCs they would be 7 invites alone.
So AIBU not to invite them??

OP posts:
MissHobart · 31/10/2014 17:32

No, people need to get over stuff like this, it's reasonable not to invite everyone to everything, it's not a personal snub, generally it's the budget that dictates numbers so not everyone can go to everything!

Ohfourfoxache · 31/10/2014 17:33

Yanbu at all.

They are adults, you don't have much to do with them and numbers are limited.

Your aunt sounds a bit petty tbh.

carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 17:33

YANBU

Leeds2 · 31/10/2014 17:37

YANBU. I very much doubt that they would want to come anyway!

sykadelic · 31/10/2014 18:36

Adding to the YANBU chorus. You don't have to invite people just because someone else wants someone else to come. It's YOUR event. Does their missing relative really need to be there for the event to be enjoyable for them? Sad really

Quitelikely · 31/10/2014 18:38

When you invite other folk then you involve their emotions. That's when they have their say. You might find she doesn't come at all or you might decide it's just easier to invite them.

Did you explain the reason to her for not inviting them?

Nomama · 31/10/2014 18:39

Uninvite your aunt and tell her off for being too precious! Her new family is her new family, just as yours is yours. They don't have to meld as one!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 31/10/2014 18:42

Yanbu

LadyLuck10 · 31/10/2014 18:45

Yanbu, this newly found stepson is not someone you know very well and you are not obliged to invite him.

Original poster
Smoolett · 04/11/2014 08:56

So I'm absolutely furious.

After handing out the invitation said aunt asked my mother if stepson was invited. My mother made it clear they were not due
Due to the budget. She then asked for an inviinvitation for them!!
FFS!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Smoolett · 04/11/2014 08:57

Of course that meant to say invitation!

OP posts:
Nanadookdookdook · 04/11/2014 09:00

Sounds like Aunt is trying hard to be a 'real' mother to her SS and thus feels he should be invited to things. She is being silly and SS is probably happy not to go to a function where he hardly knows anyone.

Perhaps you could say you were going to have them over for lunch soon to get to know them, to keep the peace. if you can be arsed

aprilanne · 04/11/2014 09:32

sorry but if you invite aunt,s natural child .and not step child it does look a bit petty .

Floggingmolly · 04/11/2014 09:37

He's an adult; not some 9 year old still living at home with his parents. Of course you don't have to invite him. Your aunt's feelings on the matter are utterly irrelevant.

Only1scoop · 04/11/2014 09:41

Yanbu....hate all that invitation shite....

Thanks for reminding me how lovely a really small intimate christening is.

zippyandbungle · 04/11/2014 09:47

Nope yanbu, we were recently not invited to an extended family event and wasn't in the least offended. My dsis and family were invited, but they kept in touch and were much closer to the family so to me it made perfect sense. People are just a tad too sensitive IMO.

wheresthelight · 04/11/2014 09:49

April this is an adult living with his fiance not a small child

op invite whomever you want and let your aunt stew. unfortunately events like this will always prove awkward, but I have an aunt who lives with a chap, I have never met his daughters and have no desire to do so. they are not invited to family events as they are not family - they are grown women with their own lives and I am fairly sure they have no interest in being part of our family either

MidniteScribbler · 04/11/2014 09:52

Did you invite your aunt's child/children? If so, I can see why she is upset to an extent. They're obviously navigating their new blended family, and excluding one person may be a sore point at the moment.

TipseyTorvey · 04/11/2014 09:57

Of course YANBU, it's your event, you decide who to invite and anyone who AKS for an invite is a bit odd imo. I mean, how embarrassing is it to beg to be invited to something Hmm - this is something we're meant to learn quite young and get over it. No-one will be invited to everything, you may feel a tad slighted but you get over it and move on. Your aunt sounds childish and petty.

BettyFocker · 04/11/2014 10:21

YANBU. Even if the budget allowed it, I still wouldn't invite them. Purely because they are adults who you have almost nothing to do with. I wonder if your aunt's stepson is even aware of the christening or bothered about not being invited. Your aunt has some cheek trying to get an invitation for them through your mother.

aprilanne · 04/11/2014 23:11

would you really want to sour family relations for 2 invites .

PicaK · 05/11/2014 07:48

I'd have more sympathy for you if you hadn't invited all your cousins. It does look petty. Besides - life's so short. You never know how things will turn out and you may end up being closer to this stepson. For the sake of 2 invites (which have a high likelihood of not wanting to go) I'd pay for them yourself and maintain good family relations.

Original poster
Smoolett · 06/11/2014 14:35

Not really looking for sympathy to be honest picaK. Just wanted to know if im being unreasonable not to invite them.
Funny how they weren't invited to my aunt's sons wedding but ive caused mortal offence by not inviting them to my dds christening.
Anyway. I dont really know these people. They arent what I would consider close family so tbh I'm not inviting them now due to that. If my aunt doesn't come thats her issue.

OP posts:
Lepaskilf · 06/11/2014 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WD41 · 06/11/2014 14:48

I think it depends. If aunt's stepson and fiance have shown interest in your DD since she was born - eg. visited, sent a card on her arrival etc., then the welcoming thing to do would be to invite them.

If however you doubt they are going to be a part of her life then entirely reasonable not to do so.