to think my husband should look after our children

[wellington1975]

I've just got home from taking my 2 youngest children out for 4 hours while my DH stayed at home with our eldest DS. DH and DS were supposed to go to the library and carve the pumpkin.

I got in to find them leaving the house to go to the library. I twice asked DH to stay as I needed a few child free minutes. He said no he was going out both times. They have also not done the pumpkin.

AIBU to be so upset that a. they haven't done anything they were supposed to and b. that I can't have a few minutes to myself after being out with 2 busy children while he stayed at home with an almost 9 year old who pretty much does his own thing?

So tomorrow is your turn with the 9yr old and he can take care of the younger two...

No, you ANBU, but you will not gain much by being upset. You can't control people. I try all the time to control my DH and my DCs, and it never works ;)

It's half term, the end of half term, and of course you need a rest. But it doesn't look like you are going to get it with the aid of your DH. How old are your youngest children? Could you put them in front of the TV while you relax and your DH and older child are out? It sounds like your 2 youngest have had an outing, so now they could watch tv so that you can recharge your batteries.

Surely the pumpkin can be done later mainly by the nine year old, with a five minute effort with the sharp knife by an adult?

Whose idea was the library and pumpkin plan? Going to the library is never urgent, even if books are overdue you can phone up and renew them.

I would save the energy for more important issues, don't let it ruin the rest of the day.

Just get the younger two settled and have a

DH and DS were supposed to go to the library and carve the pumpkin.

Were these activities they chose, or did you tell them what to do?

Either way, it sounds as though you had your roles defined, and if your husband had chosen to take your older child to the library 10 minutes earlier, then you wouldn't have had the chance for child free time when you got in anyway, so although it would have been nice for him to oblige, perhaps he was just in the 'we're heading out' mindset and didn't really appreciate how much you needed a break.

If this is a one-off and he usually pulls his weight, then I would try to move past the whole things swiftly, but if this is indicative of how the childcare is usually divided then I think you probably need to re-evaluate the division of labour.

but they are at the library and maybe can do the pumpkin later. Had they already been out when you returned you wouldn't have had a couple of minutes peace anyway

It's half term. I'm sure DH and DS wanted to go the library and carve the pumpkin in their own timescale. They didn't do it to spite you. What did they do this morning - and why was it less valid than what you did with your younger DC?