Need advice. neglection.

[daughterlovingdaddy]

My ex partner and myself have our daughter even times during the week. We have got a contact agreement.

I take my lg to her mums house on a Friday afternoon and don't see her again until Sunday morning for few hours before work. My LG always leaves my house looking her best bar the same clothes her mum puts her in which smell of smoke.

Now here's the issue- i picked my LG up as usual took her home and changed her nappy to discover quite a severe rash on her bits. She always stinks of smoke and is always dirty,never cleaned face, never gets her teeth brushed and knots in her hair with food.
She also came back to my house on Monday with the same stained vest and same clothes on as Sunday.

LG mum says she has no money to feed her but yet she can have nights out and get ridiculous stupid tattoos. Her diet consists of fast food and junk like chocolate and crisps just before I pick her up in the morning

I can't cope with the way my lg is being brought up. My hearts broken and I need advice.health visitor didn't help my question at all.

This is a tough one. I know people have said phone SS, however the threshold for neglect is a pretty high one and things have to be absolutely awful before SS intervene.
I do think you need to make the call, but I will warn you they may not get involved. They are overworked and underfunded and only serious cases ever get fully investigated.
I think you need to start documenting things. Take photos of the state dd comes back in. Take the dirty clothes and show them to the HV who may be able to offer her additional support.
Unless I have missed it, you have not stated whether contact arrangements are informal, or court ordered. I am assuming it is informal. You definitely need to see a family law solicitor who will be able to fight your corner in a family law court.
She sounds like a very selfish person.

I would flag it up with social services and start keeping evidence.

Would your ex agree to day access instead of overnight. Drop her off in the morning and pick her up at night?

I would also be approaching a solicitor to get legal advice. They might suggest you go for sole custody and how to gather evidence.

Agree with purple, it would be far wiser to approach a solicitor before SS as they can advise you on how to deal with SS once you make the call.

What was she like as a mother when you were together?

Keep a diary of everything. Record what clothes she went with and what state they come back in. Note smoke smells, nappy rash etc. Everything.

Maybe even take a photo of her just before she leaves on friday and then again when she comes back on sunday if the difference is visible enough.

What you describe is neglect. I think you need v good legal advice and should inform SS that you have concerns.

Hope you can get this sorted, you must dread every friday :(

Sorry, cross posts with most of the thread!

I totally agree with the posters that have said if this was a Mother posting about a Father treating their DD like your EX is some of the advice would be different.

If approaching your EX is out of the question, please talk to your solicitor, keep a timeline diary for evidence and ask for their advice before going down the ss route.

Your DD is so lucky to have a loving Father

How is old is daughter .
We're your married?
Do your have PR(named of birth cert)?
Have you been to court ( got a contact order)?

Tanukiton- if I could have sole custody of lg I would take it without thinking twice but no she wouldn't allow it.

Raltheraffe- sorry informal just through a solicitor but i have my appointment booked again for next week to see which route I should follow first and see what happens.

Fairenuff- already keeping evidence and meeting with solicitor within the next week

Purplepoodle- no chance,I had to make sure I have overnights never mind anything else at the time. It will probably be taken to court and judge decision which I'd rather not but she has left me no choice and I don't want lg to suffer anymore as she already has.

Maddening- she couldn't cope. My family and friends seen this and she actually had to hand lg to my mother to hold. Or else shed sit and play on her phone regardless whatever lg was doing. I was night feeding while she slept and I was only in from work at 12am and lg was younger wakening every couple hours.went on for whole year.
She was lazy and expected me to do everything and I did it because it was for my lg. Knew from long time that it wasn't going to work out.

coldteaagain- yes thank you. My solicitor has already helped me.previously regarding lg and got terms sorted but with more problems arising he will be more determined to help because he knows everything about the situation.

Diaimchlo-yes I agree but everyone has been brilliant with their responses many thanks again.appreciate the lovely comment :)

Longjane- lg is 2 and half this December. Nope we where just in a relationship.yes my name is on it,lg carries my surname and ex trying to get birth cert but won't get it.
No contact order just a contact agreement through solicitors and ourselves which is informal basically