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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my marriage is over

19 replies

2boysandcounting1 · 29/10/2014 23:06

My husband was off work today and it has been a horrible day. I actually prefer him to be in work as his mood swings and attitude are getting to the point I can't put up with it any more. I have a c section next week so I wanted to use today to buy last minute bits. It all started really silly with measuring up for some new nets and my mom tried to guide him how to do it as he had not got the measuring tape right. She wasn't being funny at all just telling him where the tape should start and end. He gave her the tape and told her to do it herself. I was so embarrassed as he sounded so rude and I would never speak to his.mom like that.

All day he has been arsey like this. We then went to BQ to get something and my 4 year old was playing up so my husband smacked him twice. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he was just in a foul mood. He ended up roughly putting.him into the car. We then went home. Things didn't improve once we were home. I can't remember what started it again but he said he wasn't taking my son to his swimming lesson. My son started crying so I told my husband it wasn't fair to punish my son to get at me. I was getting ready to take him myself in a taxi and he ended up taking him after telling me to fuck off.

I put both our boys to bed(I also have a 2 year old) while he put the nets up. He was nicer when I came.down from putting.boys to bed. Then at bedtime he changed again. He went to get something out of the wash basket and I told.him that I had folded all the clothes as he was messing them up looking for something and he went mad again. I said I'm fed up of him undoing the work I do. He said what work? I haven't done anything all night, even though I put the boys to bed and cooked dinner.

I started having a go back, no name calling or swearing and he told.me to go fuck myself. I told him to not swear at me and he kept telling me to fuck off. I probably shouldn't have said this but he was sent to a special school when he was younger and I never knew the reason for this but we are having behaviour problems with our elder son and I said that what ever the reason he had to go there may be the same thing that is going on with our son. I only said this as he was being so horrible and his behaviour doesn't seem right and iwant to help my son. He shouted that it had fucking nothing to do with me and called me a stupid fucking bitch.

He then went on about how no.wonder my ex left me as I had issues then. I have then bit back and said what about your ex? He replied that she never made him feel like me.

I'm sitting here in tears, feel so low and don't have anyone to tell in real life. When he is nice he is really nice but this is happening more often. I don't know what to do as I'm.a SAHM so have no earnings and couldn't pay mortgage on my own. I'm not even sure how to even go down that route. I feel scared about the birth as had PND with both boys and know it will happen again if he is like this. My nan left me some inheritance money when she died and I put it all into doing up the house, he used 2,000 paying off credit card and 1,000 for a deposit for a car and he always goes on about that money that I was stingy with it even though I put it into a joint bank account but it was left for the reason of doing up the house. I have some left, not a lot but not sure whether to withdraw it as a safety net. Please advise.

OP posts:
WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:14

Tbh it all sounds a bit ur from all sides. No doubt you'll have plenty on here telling you to go to a woman's refuge or some such but really...
From your side, being upset about the measuring tape and washing basket is bu. He shouldn't have smacked your ds or been rough with him.

Your mention of his 'special school' in the middle of an argument seems irrelevant and downright spiteful tbh.

If neither of you are happy then yanbu to consider ending it. But from what you've posted, he's hardly a monster and you the sweet and innocent, which is what you seem to be driving at Hmm

WooWooOwl · 29/10/2014 23:24

Walking, are you reading the same OP as me?

He sounds like a miserable bastard, and YANBU to think your marriage might be well on its way out. But you're about to have a baby, that has to be your focus just now.

2boysandcounting1 · 29/10/2014 23:32

I just feel scared about having a new baby and being on my own. The bit I meant about the laundry basket was that I had folded it all ready to put away and now have to refold it. It's not a one off that's probably why it has got to me as there is now a wet towel on the landing floor from his shower. Also regarding the nets my mom was only advising him so we had the right size, I would say if it came across as nagging but it didn't. He is like that though he always thinks people are having a go at him when they are pointing things out, he always says people have a go at him at work and seeing what he is like at home I bet he is being over sensitive.

I am looking forward to meeting the baby just worried about how I will be after especially with all this tension. I haven't been able to do as much as I would like as getting pains in my back and pulling around my previous section scar but this gets thrown in my face in an argument.

OP posts:
WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:32

Tbh I don't think the op comes off brilliantly either.

Ediemccreedy · 29/10/2014 23:35

God, that's harsh walkinginmemphis. Op is obviously really stressed as she feels her relationship is crumbling, she's about to have a section and is worried about PND. Surely we can offer her some support.
He sounds like a dick IMO. Can you try to organise some help for after the birth, maybe explain to your family that you are having some problems. Would he notice if you withdrew your money, would that make life more difficult?
I think you should talk to someone in RL, to get your head straight, and maybe talk to him when you are both calmer.
If you are thinking of ending the relationship, get your ducks in a row first. Hugs

theposterformallyknownas · 29/10/2014 23:38

His focus should be on you and his family at the moment not wallowing in his own emotional baggage.
You may be a bit OTT, you are heavily pregnant and in need of support not abuse.
tell him to go fuck himself and see his face drop.
Concentrate on having your baby and sort him out later when there's time.

WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:39

So talk to him.

Only you know whether the problems are all because of him or if there's right and wrong on both sides. It's hard to tell from one post on a forum, but initially it seems to me that there are parts where you are both bu.

CatWitch · 29/10/2014 23:40

OP, I'm so sorry for you. How dare your husband treat his very pregnant like this! He is a verbally abusive twat. Please consider calling Women's Aid for support. Has he ever been physically abusive to you? Pregnancy can be a very a dangerous time for a woman with an abusive partner. He certainly felt ok treating your child roughly. Please take care of yourself and your children..You all deserve a calm,peaceful life..xx

WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:41

Edie I don't think it's harsh... This is a post where I could easily imagine the other side of the aibu, which doesn't happen all that often with relationship posts.

WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:43

Oh dear.

Women's Aid? Really?

I'm not saying the op's dh is a wonderful guy - how would any of us know - he's clearly been unreasonable but unless the op posts more details, I honestly can't see that this is an 'abuse' situation.

2boysandcounting1 · 29/10/2014 23:44

I don't have anyone, I only really have one friend but don't talk to her about relationships and I'm an only child so no extended family so only really have my mom as my dad died a couple of years ago. Feel so on my own at times like.this. Deep down I want to stay together but he has destroyed the closeness with the way he speaks to me and that is the problem. He always apologises later on but it always happens again and I find myself back feeling like this.

OP posts:
WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:48

he has destroyed the closeness with the way he speaks to me and that is the problem. He always apologises later on but it always happens again

What you posted up to this sounds like a series of nasty, mainly TWO way arguments, to me. This ^ is clearly not, but you've not really posted many details.

CatWitch · 29/10/2014 23:49

Honey, I've sent you a pm. Better some things should be said off thread..

2boysandcounting1 · 29/10/2014 23:53

He has been physical in the past. It usually starts with him name calling and swearing at me and getting in my face, i then push him away and he grabs me. The one time he was driving in the car and tried scaring me by driving fast down this road, i shouted at him to stop and let me out, he did an emergency stop and he hit me in the side of the face only a few days after having wisdom teeth out. Luckily he missed that spot and i threw my keys at him that i had in my hand which caught his lip.

He then showed my mom and said look what your daughter did to me, but he didn't tell her what he had done to me and i never told her either as i dont like making our argument public. He hasn't been physical recently but it is in my mind how he can be.

OP posts:
CatWitch · 29/10/2014 23:54

OP, you might want to consider asking MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships. I think you will find it a much more supportive forum for your issue.

WalkingInMemphis · 29/10/2014 23:57

If he's physically abusive then you need to leave him - your op didn't suggest this at all.

Listen to CatWitch etc if you feel you need to escape him.

2boysandcounting1 · 30/10/2014 00:00

How do i move it?

OP posts:
CatWitch · 30/10/2014 00:00

If you are ever afraid for your safety or the safety of your children, please call 999. You are in an especially vulnerable circumstance at this time. I'm not wishing to frighten you but just hope you can start thinking about steps to keep you and your babies safe. Women's Aid can assist you with safety planning, if it becomes necessary.

2boysandcounting1 · 30/10/2014 00:10

Thank you, i will keep them safe. They are my priority. I will read up on Women's aid in case i need to use it.

OP posts:
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