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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell a colleague they're being rude?

15 replies

Callani · 29/10/2014 13:13

A woman I work with has a habit of commenting on other's people's food as they're eating - usually negatively and sometimes it's really off putting.

I think this started because, as someone with a lot of dietary restrictions, she is more aware of food anyway and she frequently comments on people eating things that are outside her coeliac/dairy limitations.

Today someone at work had bought a pork sandwich and she said "Ugh, how can you eat that? It smells like dead pig" and I snapped and asked if she'd meant to be so rude?

Now I know this is an MN classic line which is partly why I came out with it, but I now feel like I've been the rude one - so MN, AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/10/2014 13:15

It's a very lame 'comeback' but you weren't unreasonable to let her know she's being very rude.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetBit · 29/10/2014 13:16

Yanbu. Terribly rude to comment on other people's food. I'm sure you aren't the only person who's been irritated by her remarks.

CatKisser · 29/10/2014 13:21

I too hate that comeback but it's better than saying nothing. I'd have gone for a withering "riiiight - you do realise you don't have to eat it?!" (Which I suspect sounds better in my head than it would out lout) Grin

Or perhaps a childish "so do you" Smile

People who comment on others' food are extremely irritating.

Original poster
Callani · 29/10/2014 13:24

I think I feel worse about it because it wasn't me eating the pork sandwich so I feel as though I interfered but I also know that the person eating it would NEVER say anything to her.

I also realise that it wasn't the pithiest of lines - I think I spend too much time on MN and it's now infiltrated my vocabulary!

OP posts:
nic013 · 29/10/2014 13:27

I don't think you were being unreasonable to deem the comment unfair as it may have upset or humiliated the person eating the sandwich. I would have probably just said that some people may be upset by that comment or if they were making regular comments, raise it via the management chain. Office politics are a minefield in my experience.

ThereIsIron · 29/10/2014 13:27

"It smells like a dead pig because it is a fucking dead pig. Now shut the fuck up about other peoples food ... forever".

emotionsecho · 29/10/2014 13:35

How did she react when you asked her if she meant to be so rude?

Perhaps you should have a word with her quietly away from others and let her know that her constant comments on what people are eating aren't welcome.

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 29/10/2014 13:50

People like that annoy the shit out of me.

I'd brought homemade broth into work one day- it was gorgeous, full of chicken, leeks and split lentils, and it was the exact same my Nana made it for me growing up.

Some bitch was like 'Eugh, what's that? It looks disgusting.' It really hurt my feelings. I just came out with something along the lines of 'I'm watching my weight.'

She was twice my weight and was tucking into a cheeseburger Blush

Not that sorry

foslady · 29/10/2014 13:51

Great Scott, you are much calmer than me - I HATE it when people do this, it's the height of rudeness in my book, I'd have said much more than that (and probably wouldn't have spoken to me again)

MrsSquirrel · 29/10/2014 13:55

YANBU to tell her. She WAS being rude.

How did she respond?

Legionofboom · 29/10/2014 13:56

The trouble is that, strictly speaking, it is the height of bad manners to call someone out on their rudeness.

That said, if these sorts of things continue then in the end someone snaps as you did today, or worse.

I would have asked her to please stop commenting on everyone's food because it is off putting or whatever you feel it is. In other words make it clear what bothers you and why and what you would like her to do about it. She is then free to respond as she wishes.

'Did you mean to be so rude?' is not helpful, not least because it doesn't make clear that the issue is an ongoing one that needs to stop. She may think it was that particular comment that you didn't like rather than all the comments iyswim.

Original poster
Callani · 29/10/2014 14:00

Haha ThereIsIron I will have to use that next time!

No particular reaction, she gave me a dirty look and went back to her work so I'm probably over thinking it... Hopefully it will have had enough of a reaction to stop her next time she feels inclined to tell someone their food is disgusting Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Callani · 29/10/2014 14:02

Yes, Legion I think that's why I was worried, but then I feel that actually taking the time to take her to one side and point out the rudeness would make it more of a big deal and be more likely to upset her.

Anyway, fingers crossed there'll be no more dead pig comments...

OP posts:
mollypup · 29/10/2014 14:18

I HATE people like this. Someone did it to me not so long ago when I was quietly eating an Innocent veg pot for my lunch. Apparently it looked 'urgh, disgusting' and 'smelled funny'.

Funny thing is she eats Rustlers burgers on a daily basis alongside two danish pastries! The cheek!

emotionsecho · 29/10/2014 14:22

Hopefully you snapping at her will put an end to her commenting on other people's food choices, might have been the shock needed. If not, then you may need to spell it out bluntly why her comments are unacceptable.

Don't feel bad, your exasperated reaction was understandable.

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