I'm being so selfish but I just want a moan

[Someoneslapme]

I know I am being so selfish here so I need someone to slap me! I think I just need to get it out, be told I'm unreasonable and then I can get over it.

We have a group of friends, all meet up quite often so quite close. One of the pair have a child who has long term severe health problems. They are great parents and do a much better job than I could ever do!

Now another of person out of the group wants us to start cooking them meals and freezing them so they've always got tasty food to hand without making much effort to cook it. I'm more than happy to do that but I am soo jealous!
I got offered no help when I was heavily pregnant/overdue when DP was working away for weeks, I also had a child with suspected ADHD to cope with as well. I was lonely as hell and knackered, run down with a horrible chest infection for months as it would not shift! They all knew this but didn't think to offer any help at all.
None of them even bothered with us when our child was critically ill in hospital a few years ago. We didn't even get a simple text off half of them!

They are good friends otherwise and I'm very aware that a couple of weeks in hospital/pregnant and alone is no comparison to a lifetime of ongoing health issues, I just needed a moan about how envious I am that they want to help one set of friends but ignore another.

Feel free to slap me now!

YANBU for feeling that you were ignored. It is unfair on you.

Yanbu for feeling this way, but did you ask for help in anyway? Did you talk about your situation with your friends or mention it once and make no deal of it.

They really do deserve it, I'm not denying that. I know how lucky I am to have healthy children.
It'd just be nice to have an offer of help sometimes too!

I don't think you need a slap and I can see why you feel a bit annoyed that no one offered to help you. I've never experienced any level of help from friends either, it sounds nice to have people do that. Quite different but I used to post on another forum that had a senior members bit and I lost count of how many times I donated £2 or £3 for a present when someone had a baby, then when my baby was born there was no collection for me. Yes I felt fairly bitter about that! Slap me too!

Yeah they knew DP was away and they know exactly what DS is like. I probably didn't tell them just how hard I was finding it but still, a bit of common sense would tell you that an extra hand or a meal cooked would be useful!

To be honest I feel better already. I just needed to get it out but couldn't say anything in real life cos then everyone would know what a bitch I am

YANBU. You're not begrudging them help it's just hurtful because nobody in your circle of friends offered to extend this help to you when you needed it. Friendship group dynamics are complex things and this may say more about the personality of the one friend who is suggesting it or their relationships to your friends whose child has a disability. BTW do the other set of parents want the meals? Might be worth checking. You definitely don't deserve a slap have a and a instead.

YAB a bit U

But... do the friends actually want meals prepared for them?

It could easily cause offence, i.e. "Are you saying we aren't coping?"

Would you prepare what they like?

I love cooking. It calms me. I wouldn't like someone taking that away from me.

For many people, providing food for your family is an incredibly personal emotional thing. Others muscling in could be be deeply offensive.

How will you manage the cost of the ingredients between you all?

Surely the right thing to do is to ask them "Is there anything we can do to help?" The odd night of baby sitting to give them respite might be what they really want.

x post with pud