In wondering if this was weird? Gynae related

[Batterednotbroken]

I would like to apologise in advance in case I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I have sexual abuse, not rape but other stuff that should not have happened, from childhood that has damaged my boundaries a lot, so I am unsure if this is normal behaviour of a doctor or not.

Having vaginismus because of my childhood stuff, I saw a doctor aged 22 because I could not have penetrative sex at all. My muscles clamped down and nothing worked.

The doctor examined me and reassured me there was nothing physically wrong in terms of the shape or size of my anatomy. She gave me a set of dilators to when I left. However, for several minutes during the examination, I don't know how else to put this but she slid her finger in and moved it around for a bit, in and out and side to side - not just checking the shape of my vagina, as if she was demonstrating how I should masturbate with the dilators, so maybe it was normal to show me what to do? At the time I was quite dissociated, laughed it off after to my boyfriend as the doctor being eccentric.

But I would not consent to that now.

Was meant to have a smear test this morning and cancelled because I can't stop thinking of this and can't face anyone touching me in case it goes too far like above. Probably all above board and just now because I'm facing up to my childhood issues I am hypervigilant, yes?

Obviously I wasn't there, but it sounds above board to me. I would imagine she was trying to test the muscular reaction for vaginismus or summat?

Sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable.

Sounds like a perfectly normal examination in line with the nature of your complaint. How long ago was this?

Glad it sounds normal, it's making me feel better. Thank you both. It was 8 years ago.

Oh I think that is fine, she is just doing her job, she needs to use her fingers to feel what is going on physically. Is everything normal.
Obviously it would feel weird if it was a guy, and maybe she might have warned you but she is doing what a dentist does when they say open your mouth. Vaginismus is to do with access so she has to check that everything is normal physically.
Maybe you could warn her another time that you have a history which makes examination very difficult? Maybe she can then warn you what she's going to to so you're prepared?

What would you do if it WASN'T part of the normal procedure?

What would I do? I don't know - maybe look back through my records and complain.

Either way I will be talking it through with my counsellor.

Queenceleste I don't see her anymore, I live in a different city.

The problem got resolved but not in a healthy way. I got later partners to force sex and it hurt, and I don't want to do that anymore.

I frankly don't know if penetration of any kind will hurt now because I have not had sex with a man for over 1 year. Hence afraid of the idea of the smear test.

I think it sounds in line with the reason you were there in the first place however she could have explained to you beforehand so you would have been a bit prepared.

Have you had specialist counselling for your experience? Someone with a grounding in sex therapy?

But much empathy. These events take a terrible toll later in life.

Thank you.

Not had specialist counselling as such, but work very closely with a great therapist I trust a lot, so I want to stick with her. I can only just about talk about things with her now, after building a foundation of trust over the course of a year, so I would find it very hard to open up to another person.

Bless you, sounds above board to me.

Have you tried a liquid anaesthetic to apply before sex? I had a tightening issue after a few traumatic births and I think it was lidocaine that came in a small syringe (no needle) to apply inside and out, sex felt numb but taught my muscles and brain that it was ok and tried without it after a few goes and made lots of progress.

I'm sorry to hear what you went through. It's hard to say whether this was inappropriate or not, I can envisage clinical reasons for the doctor doing this but really she should have explained the procedure and the rationale more fully and I can understand why you felt violated. Do you think meeting with the nurse to discuss the smear test before hand would help them to understand your anxieties, perhaps offer extra reassurance and be more mindful of the need to do this at your own pace?