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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my DM has no reason to throw a strop

21 replies

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 12:40

Been with my partner for 2.5 years. The only holiday we have had in that time was a visit to my mum in my home country which is a short haul flight away.

Finally another chance for a short holiday comes up and the choice is visit my mum or a holiday on our own. My mum is a lovely person and we get on reasonably well. However, she is hard work and there is ALWAYS at least a minor fallout when we are cooped up at her house. She also finds it very difficult that when we visit, do and I might want to do our own thing ob one or two occasions. I also know my partner finds her hard work (even though he likes her)

We have decided that instead if visiting her we are having a city break in the capital which is about a three hour drive away, so we could meet up for a day. Therefore seeing each other and still have our couple break. The idea was for her to drive up (which she does every now and again for day trips, to give me a lift from the airport or to meet my sister who lives about 90mins away on the other site) but I would be equally open to take a train down close to where she lives as it would not expect her to make a 6 hour round trip, if it's not convenient for her.

With all that in mind I sent her a Facebook message yesterday night telling her we'll be visiting capital for a short break and would she like to meet up one day. I woke up to a one line message ending with a sad face asking why we are not staying with her. Am I being a horrible daughter?

OP posts:
someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 12:41

Sorry this is longer than I expected.

OP posts:
cherrybombxo · 28/10/2014 12:44

No, and your mum is being a big baby. She's still getting to see you.

wowfudge · 28/10/2014 12:44

No, you are not - I can understand why you want to have a proper holiday. I'm sure if you call her and explain you want to combine a holiday just the two of you with the opportunity to see family as well she will understand.

The alternative would have been to go somewhere completely different with no possibility of seeing her - you can tell her that too if she does object.

Would you consider inviting her to stay with you at some point?

LineRunner · 28/10/2014 12:45

That's not really a strop.

Why not just reply as above. 'We want a couple break and I want to show DP the sights in Capital City but we want to see you, too.'

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 13:15

I responded in your fashion, LineRunner and was met with icy silence and a declined Skype call. She is having a strop. :(

Problem is I really didn't expect this. She can be a bit of a baby but is normally very supportive of us having alone time. I think she is taking it personally that we are going to be near...ish but have chosen a hotel over staying with her.

I would be open to her staying as well even though it would drive me insane...

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 28/10/2014 13:18

You respond 'i'll take that as a 'no' then'.

LineRunner · 28/10/2014 13:18

How long does she normally sulk for? Or is this unchartered territory?

CateBlanket · 28/10/2014 13:22

Do you ever see your mum without your partner?

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 13:23

I can imagine she would sulk until well after our holiday unless I grovel (not going to happen.. ) unless her partner is pulling her up on it in which case she'll have forgotten all about it in about a week.

OP posts:
someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 13:26

Cate, not really. She takes her partner along to everything and I refuse to be the 5th wheel (especially when meeting my mother ;) )

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 28/10/2014 13:28

I'm confused about how often you see her - you said you'd been to visit her once in 2.5 years with your dp, but said things are "always" hard when you stay?
I think my mum would prefer me to holiday somewhere completely different rather than in her country if I wasn't staying with her, iyswim. She can't expect to be the focus of every holiday.

LineRunner · 28/10/2014 13:35

Actually I have this with my dad back on Craggy Island. He hates the idea of me staying with anyone but him, even though it drives us both crackers.

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 13:38

Iggi, I have been with my partner for 2.5 years.
A few months after we got together I visited her on my own for 2 weeks over Christmas. She then visited me for my birthday (stayed in a hotel as I was house sharing at the time). About 10 months later do and I visited for about a week for her birthday. Thus trip was our only "holiday" we had together.

I aim to visit at least once a year, but this year a lot of stuff happened, so I didn't get a chance to visit. I have plans to visit her next year as well but haven't told her yet (and won't until I'm absolutely sure I can go)

OP posts:
Trills · 28/10/2014 13:39

She is being unreasonable, definitely.

Don't take a 6 hour round trip out of your holiday to go and see her if she is going to take this stance. She can come meet you if she feels like it, otherwise she can NOT, and it will be just as if you'd chosen any other location for your break.

financialwizard · 28/10/2014 13:49

Just ignore her and make your plans for the hotel. This is emotional blackmail and nasty.

DoJo · 28/10/2014 15:12

I would tell her that unless you hear otherwise by the end of the day, you will assume she doesn't want to meet up and make arrangements for the day you were planning to spend with her.

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 17:25

Thanks for your help. I have since had a message from my mum gracefully suggesting we meet up :/

OP posts:
BirdintheWings · 28/10/2014 17:29

I take it she's not the sort of mother who would respond well to 'DP and I are planning a mega shag fest and thought you'd rather it wasn't in your bed...'

someonestolemynick · 28/10/2014 17:59

Sadly, she is more the type of mum who would blostening in and provide helpful feedback in the morningHmm

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 28/10/2014 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quietbatperson · 28/10/2014 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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