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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I ok to say no to daughter sleeping out?

13 replies

vodkanchocolate · 27/10/2014 21:58

Hi, please could I have some reassurance that im not turning into a boring old fart (as i was earlier called)

My daughter is 9 in a couple of months and she had been invited to sleep at her friends house tonight, I said no mainly because I dont know the family that well. The girl is quite forward for her age and is quite lippy with it I just find that daughters attitude changes whenever they have spent a long period of time together so that was another factor. I was asked by the girl NOT her mum and when I asked why her mum hasnt asked me she said well go to our house and ask her she said its fine. I told the girl No sorry and the reason I gave was that she had already slept out 2 nights at her dads and then her grandmas I want her back in routine!! Shes sleeping out Friday night aswell so I dont think im been unreasonable here.

Daughter was moaning and groaning and my husband suggested that maybe arrange something another time but when she turned round and called me an old fart that was it, shes grounded never mind bloody sleep overs.

How do I go about future situations, like Friday shes sleeping at the neighbours opposite due to it been hallowean they have offered to have her while we go to a hallowean party with the little ones and she wasnts to be with her friends, how can I say no to one sleep over and not another?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/10/2014 22:03

It's two completely different situations. Your neighbours you've met them and she's only across the road, that's
very different to letting her sleep somewhere where you don't even know the parents. I wouldn't have let my d.d go either.
They're 9 not 19.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2014 22:03

Quite easily because you're her Mum and she needs to accept what you say.

As for calling you and old fart, I'm speechless.

pauline6703 · 27/10/2014 22:05

Why are you letting her sleep over on the Friday because you want her out of the way but not when she wants to?
I think you should have gone and checked with the fried's mum and if she agreed let her sleep over.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 27/10/2014 22:05

Say no to what you like.

You're her parent.

There's certain children I steer DS away from because I don't want him copying their behaviour.

Tell your DD the truth; that she acts like a little madam when she's been with her friend.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/10/2014 22:07

Id just keep.it simple - "DD, it is her mums house and her mum has not invited you to stay. As and when parents invite you, I can possibly say yes"

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 27/10/2014 22:11

I know, the girl is also a neighbour but lives at the top end I dont know her mum that well at all and tbh I dont like the girls attitude and would prefer not for her to play with her as much as she has been doing recently. I dont want to come across as been overly strict, as when I was growing up I never got to do anything my mum was very dominant right up until becoming a teenager and would like for my children to have a wider circle of friends and hopefully a lot more confidence.
Saying that Im 100% sure that ive done the right thing by saying no but im sure the situation will arise again at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 27/10/2014 22:14

No I dont want her out of the way on Friday night at all! She was supposed to be coming with us but would rather be trick or treating with her friends and then attending the party opposite. I know the neighbours really well and they offered to have her I would be more than happy for her to come home once we are back

OP posts:
BlinkAndMiss · 27/10/2014 22:17

YANBU and you're the parent so she does as she's told.

Intuition is telling you it's a bad idea, stick with it.

Pauline it doesn't sound like she wants DD "out do the way" I took that to mean the little ones are at a party that she wouldn't want to go to.

BlinkAndMiss · 27/10/2014 22:18

X post Vodka

turdfairynomore · 27/10/2014 22:18

My son was heading towards being very lippy until he and I had a "wee chat" about hockey etiquette!! He plays a lot of hockey. His school team in particular are very tight on showing respect to the officials!! The same rules apply at home as I'm waaaay more worthy of respect!! Therefore ...... the referee's decision is final!! It doesn't have to be justified!! Plus, the first word out of a player's mouth when speaking to the official must be "Sir"- I'm not asking to be called "ma"am" but I do think that if he can speak to strangers politely, even when under pressure, then he can do the same at home! Otherwise.....sin bin!!

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 27/10/2014 22:23

She is usually pretty polite and in general very good but shes starting to have the odd out bursts, not sure if its a mixture of her age or the people shes playing with at school and on the street dont want to lay the blame on anyone. Will be nipping it in the bud though shes the eldest of 5 and I know if the others witness her talking like that they will try and follow.

She is grounded tomorrow apart from when I drag her out to a local museum with the others so she wont be playing out or having access to computer im not sure if this punishment is good enough though?

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 27/10/2014 22:25

A sleepover used to be a great.... Nowadays kids seem to think it's their 'right' and so many parents are up for it! Do you know who has access to your kids whilst they are sleeping over with people.... And associates.... Whom you barely know?

Original poster
vodkanchocolate · 27/10/2014 22:35

26point - exactly I just dont know the family well enough to agree to it. Shes been best friends with the girl opposite for about 3 years and I do trust them. Friday will be the first time shes had a sleep over at a house thats not a relative.

I remember when I was about 13 the girls in my class seemed to get the sleepover craze was about 17 when I slept out for first time and even then had my mother ringing me. Seems to be very much the norm now. My neice is about to go 10 and seems to be having alot of sleep overs shes slept at ours a few times but I found it hard work havig to make room for her to sleep and the extra noise etc I have no idea how these cope who have about 4 at a time sleeping

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