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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

4 missed calls from my boss, I am SO SCARED

66 replies

Countrymouse1 · 27/10/2014 09:15

Have emailed in sick today after being off last week I just want to leave I am shaking again now, don't know to answer the phone or not. The calls won't stop. Wtf do I say when I answer I dont want to discuss it and say its precisely to do with that work environment, I dont want to get into an exhausting argument on the phone.

Just need to vent, I am doing ok with my anxiety and then every time my boss calls I get so tearful and shaky and dont know what to do.

OP posts:

DaisyFlowerChain · 27/10/2014 09:35

I've also never worked for a workplace where it's ok to email in sick. Have the decency to phone them, they need a rough idea to arrange cover etc and may also want to get OH involved etc.

MissBattleaxe · 27/10/2014 09:36

Also, from your boss's POV, you might be on holiday if they cannot contact you at home on your phone, which is where sick people usually are.

Answer the phone, stick to the script and then get some rest.

Mumpire5 · 27/10/2014 09:37

definitely phone back. somebody could send an email from a cafe in portugal. I'm sure once she's spoken to you once, she'll stop ringing repeatedly.

Doodledot · 27/10/2014 09:38

A colleague of mine was like this., she refused to communicate with her boss when calling in sick. If was often at short notice in school holidays - so although it was genuine , it was frustrating for all. No one knew if she was going to be off for a day or a week. Please answer the call. Just state that you are not up to work and yes you will send a sick note in.

ScreamerMaanAndGoryOn · 27/10/2014 09:38

Lots of work places have the policy of people having to call in and speak to someone in person. Email is not allowed.

Call your boss and get it out of the way. I know it's hard when you're feeling as you do now, but not doing it will make this day even worse for you.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 27/10/2014 09:40

Daisy it's not about "decency" the OP said she suffers from anxiety.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2014 09:41

I've never worked anywhere that allowed employees to email in sick.

It's always been telephone contact, as it makes sense that they may need to discuss cover etc.

gobbin · 27/10/2014 09:41

If you get a fit note, take a copy and send it in. The original is yours to keep.

I'm on a phased return after 4 months off. I kept in touch with them by phone so they knew what was happening and they rang me once when I came out of hosp. all this was over 3 weeks. After that I emailed updates and sent in copies of my fit notes.

I can see you feel lousy about your job. They must not hassle you but, equally, you must let them know that you're not going to be in. You can't just not turn up as this may have implications if you do eventually leave (or get dismissed).

Rehearse a simple line such as "I won't be in today and have a GP's appointment to discuss my illness" and repeat if necessary. Don't get drawn into a conversation if they aren't being sympathetic.

Hope things resolve for you soon.

ZanyMobster · 27/10/2014 09:41

If one of my staff emailed in sick I would call them back as it doesn't meet with our policy but it wouldn't be to argue it would be to make sure I know why they are off and that we are doing all we can to help them recover and get back to work.

I would call your boss back but then just end the call if they are nasty to you.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 27/10/2014 09:41

To give the other point of view, emailing in sick is standard practice in every business I have worked in over the past 12 years - it depends what is done in the OP's workplace. I've never heard of it being considered unprofessional - all my bosses have done it.

trulybadlydeeply · 27/10/2014 09:41

You do need to 'phone in. brief conversation stating you are still very unwell, are seeing the GP tomorrow, and will get a sick certificate if he/she believes you still need to be off work. Once you have done that, I would follow it up with a brief email, stating the same, ie "just confirming what I said in our t/c just now...). Then switch off the 'phone.

If you are waiting for ADs to kick in, t is unlikely that it will have happened after a week, so tell your GP you really do not feel able to work.

Original poster

Countrymouse1 · 27/10/2014 09:42

I answered call no 7.

Stuck to the script basically, as advised. Horrible but done. Pressure was intense to give an exact date I'm coming back but I just said we'd have to discuss it after today as my doctor's appointment is late this afternoon.

I have quite full on panic attacks when it gets unbearable where I feel like I cant breathe, hence the emailing rather than calling initially. I kept it at bay during the call, blamed my asthma for sounding slightly breathless on the call and said I really was not able to have a proper discussion right now. Terrified I would cry but was ok.

OP posts:

JubJubBirds · 27/10/2014 09:42

Daisy, what you're saying about cover and OH is true, but have a bit of sympathy!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 27/10/2014 09:43

Well done! It's done now. Don't worry...get a doctor's letter today yes? And check back into this thread so we know you're ok.

Littledidsheknow · 27/10/2014 09:44

Don't ignore, call back soon to put your mind at rest. Apologise for missing earlier calls - say you were sleeping with phone off.
Your employer CAN phone you if you are ill, and if you don't answer may think you're out and skiving.
Think about what you'll say, but don't "end the conversation there" or repeat set spiel as others have advised : rudeness will not help the security of your employment.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

JubJubBirds · 27/10/2014 09:44

Well done mouse!

Anxiety is an awful awful thing. Be honest with the GP and get yourself signed off for a bit now. It sounds like you need a bit of time to look after yourself.

skylark2 · 27/10/2014 09:46

"I've also never worked for a workplace where it's ok to email in sick."

Seriously? I've never worked for one where it wasn't.

Live and learn.

loopylou9 · 27/10/2014 09:49

He is probably ringing to ask for a sick note as you have been off for a week already.
As somebody who suffers from anxiety too I would advise you to get it over and done with and speak to your boss, the thought of speaking to him will be worse than the reality of it. Speak to him, try and get an appointment to see your GP, if they don't have any appointments ask if the GP can call you. Get signed off work for a week with the anxiety and then concentrate on getting yourself better. Once you've been signed off you don't need to worry about speaking to your boss every day.

Is it your job/boss who is the problem? Or would you still feel like this if you worked somewhere else?

mollypup · 27/10/2014 09:49

I was signed off last year with anxiety/depression.

Although i'm unsure what your doctor is like, if you advise that you just need some time to yourself to start enjoying things again then they should be okay with it.

Good luck

Original poster

Countrymouse1 · 27/10/2014 09:49

Thank you so much. It means a lot to have had this real-time support through that horrible call.

Yes I had an appointment booked for gp tomorrow but managed to get it changed to one today to make sure there will be no gap in my medical cert situation.

I'm glad I answered but I feel so sick now! Shaking like a leaf and really think I'm going to vomit. Dont know if it is the anxiety or a side affect from my tablets.

OP posts:

thursday · 27/10/2014 09:53

Well done. They are within their rights to want you to phone in rather than email, and a rough estimate of expected return to work (I don't know, am seeing the GP later is a valid answer to that) but ringing repeatedly by this time is twatty.

I would be straight with them that it is anxiety and stress related, it might make them more patient, or should. Hope it goes well this afternoon.

JubJubBirds · 27/10/2014 09:53

It'll be ok mouse. Take some deep breaths (in for 7, out for 10) until you feel more in control of yourself. Then go and do something that'll take your mind off of it until it's time to go out.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/10/2014 09:54

Well done Countrymouse1! I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago when my horrendous boss (the Global Head of HR no less - the one who should be setting the standards!) kept trying to harass me by telephone when I had been signed off sick with anxiety and stress by my GP (I'd sent the note in etc.). It's bloody horrible to be stressed with the calls coming in so well done on answering it and cutting it short. Good luck with your appointment this afternoon.

katienana · 27/10/2014 09:54

You need to get a sick note, explain you have been signed off work with stress and your boss should not contact you during the period of sick leave. If you haven't done this then I can understand your boss wanting to speak to you. We are not allowed to email/text in sick we have to phone unless for example in a coma then a relative would do it instead. Could you ask a friend or relative to speak to your boss?

sadsugarjunkie · 27/10/2014 09:55

I dont want to discuss it and say its precisely to do with that work environment, I dont want to get into an exhausting argument on the phone.

Due to the above, I think turning off your phone is the right thing to do, until you feel able to have that conversation. You don't want to make yourself worse and you are in no state for an argument. Is there anyone (friend/family) you can call to ring in and explain for you? And if your manager is problematic, is there someone higher up or a personnel department you can contact to avoid the issue of talking with this person but make sure you are covered?

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