to look back at my teen years and wonder how I got through them ...

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Probably being a tad dramatic. my dad had his first heart attack when I was 8, my parents relationship was terrible, Dad was unemployed for a couple of years then he moved to the other end of the country for a job and it took two years for us to join him, by which time I was mid way through my gcse's. mum hated moving, but her depression left her feeling helpless about her situation and ability to manage without staying with Dad, they kept to seperate bedrooms and there was a horrible atmosphere between them. she attemped suicide soon after we moved. Dad was very ill so he died nearly 3 years after we moved and a week before I started University.

If nothing else I am determined not to allow my children to have such a tumultuous adolescence. [resolved emoticon]

Don't mind me, just feeling a bit reflective hungover

I hope you can protect your children.

Have you had any counselling to help you deal with your own experience?

No, you are absolutely not being dramatic. You experienced a great deal of turmoil at a time when you needed the space to just get on with being a teenager.

I am struck by how painfully aware you were of all that was going on with your parents. Your mum hated moving and was depressed. What about you? How did you feel? Did anyone listen to how you felt?

I am also wondering if you have been able to have counselling at all.

I was the same. Mother with cancer by the time I was 8, she died when I was 11, my dad had a breakdown. All through her illness my dad had to work all hours to keep our house so o would regularly be alone with her when she was so out of it on moraine she's try to kill us both, when she was in hospital I was left on my own when my dad worked nights. Then I had horrific bullying all the way through secondary school. Looking back I don't know how I'm still here. It's really messed up my life though.

I just thank God that facebook etc wasn't around then, if the bullying had spilled into home I think I would have ended it.

I have a teen, I try to protect him. I never want him to feel like I did.

Also, I feel I missed out on my teen years due to all the crap, do you?

I think that's why I am so messed up, I never had a normal adolescent experience.

OP I had an equally rubbish childhood and it wasn't until I had counselling during my 30s that I realised all of my issues came from this terrible time. Before counselling I was able to identify behaviours and worries I had which led to me sabotaging my own happiness but I had no idea how to stop them or why I did them. After the counselling I am able to allow myself to be happy and control the worries which used to consume me. It has transformed my life!

I wonder if counselling is a route you could look into. I seriously believe if you have childhood issues (who doesn't, I wonder?) then counselling will help you deal with them.

hello, thank you for ýour thoughtful replies.

first - I have never had any counselling, I talk to dh of course and my friends a bit. but the very reason I am so aware of what my parents, well my mum, was going through is that throughout my life I have been Mums counsellor. She told me how much she hated Dad, how unhappy she was, how she felt about everything... so in a way I am allergic to being like her, the thought of whining to a counsellor about my terrible childhood. ugh. Which is not healthy (or in any way fair on counsellors or people who go to them)I know. But I can "whine" on the internet it is more like a diary or a message in a bottle.

second - I did also have 'normal' teen experiences, I did get drunk with my friends, go to gigs and went to uni a couple o days after Dads funeral dreading the whole "Hi I am bigmouth my dad died last week" intro scenario (I tended to avoid that and just drank ... a lot). I feel guilty - that I didnt stay, that I knew Dad for 18 years and my younger siblings missed out, that I left mum failing to cope and got on with my life the best I could. But I was also really angry that dad had 'left' and mum was so broken. in a twisted way I had thought she woould be happier when he died as she had spent so much of their marriage apparently hating him, but she was just as unhappy.

I am sorry to hear about your experiences and it reminds of a saying - something about everyone being happy in the same way but unhappiness being unique. I know there is nothing special about my childhood issues, I know I also had joyful experiences and my parents loved me and I loved them despite all the shite. But as I get older I think I do look back more and sometimes it is important to acknowledge that bad stuff to help move on from it.