wibu to look for someone else (sorry, long!)

[extremepie]

Ds2 has started going to respite care once a week on the weekend. This started the week they started back at school so has been going on 9 weeks next week.

The lady who has him is really lovely and ds seems to really like going there, plus she has years of experience with children with SN so I feel confident in her ability to handle him.

She did inform me when we arranged things that there might be the odd week she couldn't do due to having a day off or other things that come up, fair enough. However, she had to cancel this week and has missed 2 other weeks so far. She has also told me she can't have him next week as she is too full. I understand that stuff comes up but I'm just getting a little frustrated as this will be the 4th week out of 9 that she has been unable to have him. I am understanding but this is the only break that I get and it is especially important for me this week as it's half term and the holidays are the time I struggle the most due to not getting the time that they are at school.

She did also tell me that she would be able to look after him for certain days in the holidays and the last time I spoke to her she said she can have him but I will need to drop him off as her car will be too full to pick him up. Again, I understand but I don't have any transport and it will cost me £24 in taxis to get there & back and then again at the end of the day to pick him up so £48 in total, which I can't afford. Part of our arrangement was that she was able to collect and drop him off for this reason, which she had agreed to.

Like I said I am understanding but I can't help getting a bit frustrated that I and ds are not really getting the respite we were supposed to be getting. I really like her but I can't help thinking that maybe she has just too many children on her books and doesn't really have the time or resources to be able to offer us respite.

I would rather have someone who is able to do every week as planned so I don't have to change my plans at the last minute or go for weeks without any respite rather than stick with someone who, albeit really nice, just can't seem to commit to what was agreed? Feel awful considering this but this respite is also my only 1:1 time to spend with Ds1, which is quite rare and precious for both of us.

Aibu?

Get someone else. Respite is supposed to make things easier for you not harder. You shouldn't have the stress of her cancelling and trying to sort out taxi's etc. I got rid of DS's respite worker earlier this year for the same reason. She kept cancelling or ringing in sick or couldn't work when i needed her. You need someone who is reliable.

The respite care is vital for your family, so you will have to find someone else. Is there someone who can oversee this?

That's terrible. My mum has provided respite care for the last 15 years and she would never do that to her clients. She knows how people in your situation depend on your support. This woman should not be doing that job if she doesn't understand the need for reliability. I'm honestly disgusted. Change her and make a complaint.

Well I am receiving direct payments to pay for the respite but I have to organise it myself helpful system

Tbh it was a bit of a faff trying to find someone who would do all the things I need ie: weekends, holidays & transport. It's a rural area and there aren't that many people around who do respite at all but I think maybe she has overstretched herself a bit since she is having trouble doing the things we agreed.

Arrrg I feel so bad asking this :(

Is there anybody else though? In our county there is only one couple who provide overnight respite for children with special needs. Places are like gold dust. Your issue is surely with children's services not being able to provide the respite you need, not with this women as an individual.

Well there is that too hippo, I have no idea who else I would be able to use but I'm wondering if I should try and start looking. Obviously I wouldn't stop using her unless I had something else sorted out as she is definitely better than having no respite at all! But yes, I do think there should be more options available for just such a reason as this. The woman who looks after ds is doing her best but she probably just has so many people to help that she can't manage it and that isn't her fault.

Not sure what I could do if there wasn't anyone else, I wouldn't want to get her in trouble :/

Do you or your child have a social worker? I would be contacting them. These direct payment things just put a lot of pressure on parents to sort respite out. I really don't like the idea of them, but that's me. Find out how many hours your child is entitled to and put the pressure on children's services to provide them for you. You may have to refuse direct payments and give all responbility to them. You may find careers can only provide care in your home, even overnight allowing you to leave for the weekend. Not ideal, but Better than nothing. It doesn't sound right that your having to pay for transport costs either. How old is your dc? Can you drive? You might get better advice on the sn board.

Yes we do have a SW, the direct payments were set up through them.

So far not had good experiences with direct payments, don't get me wrong I'm very grateful for the money but yes it does put extra pressure on and the whole process took aaaages to set up! Now I'm in the position I'm in but it's all down to me to find an alternative :/

I'm not sure if I can refuse direct payments and give the responsibility to them can I? Surely they will just withdraw all the support they have offered?

Unfortunately I wouldn't have anywhere to go if they came here to look after him, which kind of defeats the point of having a break!

I can't drive, and don't have a car hence why I have to get the taxis, I would ask if I can pay the transport costs using the direct payments money but I'm not allowed to withdraw cash as I have to prove where the money is going so can only pay by card/bank transfer or cheque which I can't do with taxis :(

Of you set up an account with the taxi firm, you may be able to pay by card. As the transport is essential to access the respite care, it may be allowed.

I hope so hedwig as I really do want him to go to the respite and I have been saving up some of the direct payments specifically so that I could afford to pay for extra time in the holidays - it seems silly that I might have money sitting in an account and not be able to use it! I know why they say no cash withdrawals to stop people abusing the system but still it's frustrating :/