to think that when there is no affection between partners it is time to end the relationship

[textingdisaster]

But if you have 3 dc and a life "together" which kind of functions it's not that easy??

Anybody else in what is basically a functional "relationship"?

Yep, my relationship is kept alive by the fear of the effect of divorce on our kids.

It's pretty clear we loathe each other, at times we can be friendly but there's no sex, no affection & no real consideration for each other.

I wish divorce was easier

I am in same situation....3 dc....and feel completely trapped. I would leave tommorrow if I had the resources. I work full time so could support myself and kids but dh doesn't work so can't afford to move out and has nowhere to go and wouldn't leave anyway (although he is just as unhappy). I rely on him for childcare as well and my family completely unsupportive so wouldn't help. I am very independent and would be quite happy to be single, but feels impossible to extricate myself from this life.

I've been there and I ended it. We limped on a for almost a year with no affection, no intimacy- nothing.
Inn the end I was only there until I made plans to get up and leave. I don't think that kind of relationship is good for children long term.

I have been in this situation. When I was with my ex we spent the last two years of our relationship in separate beds, no sex, no hugs, no kissing, no dates and hating each other. We done this because we thought it was right for our son. I then woke up to realisation that we were both in our early 30's and deserved much better than what we had and most importantly our DS deserved to live in a happier brighter environment, we have been apart for almost 8 months and it's the best move I made!

How did you get over the grief browneyed? That's partly what I'm scared of. The sheer grief and trauma of it.

It's pretty clear we loathe each other, at times we can be friendly but there's no sex, no affection & no real consideration for each other. It's quite depressing isn't it.

I don't even know if we do like each other anymore. Certainly there is loads about h that I find difficult. Everything feels oddly surreal.

Missed your post dontknow sorry.

What is it that means two people grow apart?

Functional relationship here too, with no affection, separate beds, separate interests and now an OW in the mix. Been like this for about 8 years, and I suppose we're used to it. I think it's easier to deal with as time goes on as your expectations sink lower as time passes, ikswim.

text as bad as this sounds I think we grew apart when our DS was born, we lost sight of who we were as a couple. Also it was at this point when I realised how lazy and selfish my ex was. When people say having children changes things we were just unfortunate that it changed our relationship the wrong way! When I think back I realise my ex was always lazy and selfish but it seemed to get worse and he also became an even bigger mummy's boy and my ex MIL is a witch lol

Only you know what to do for the best, chin up and stay strong Hun x

Sorry to hear it springchicken . What are you going to do about the OW?

Thanks dontknow. Am waiting for the "gods" to tell me what to do but I suppose it's not really like that .

If only it was that easy text and if the gods were big strapping naked men!!! ;)

Springchicken I'm really interested in the perspective of someone further along the road than I... if you could do it all again would you have done anything differently?

Oh to have a crystal ball and know what would be better for the kids.

your expectations sink lower as time passes It's actually really sad. I tend to obsess about it a lot .

Such a sad thread. I wish I had a magic wand ladies

It's really really sad.

There's always a way out, even if at first it would be extremely difficult.

Life honestly is very short :(

agatha I don't think I would have done anything differently, tbh. I checked out of the relationship a while ago, and since then I've been doing my best to re-establish myself and to make sure dd's needs were met. Now I've found out about OW, in many ways it's a relief. It's confirmed, in my mind, that dp is not the man I thought and I actually feel quite liberated, albeit hurt.

I wish I had been happier over the past few years, but the unhappiness has spurred me on to do other things.