To ask DH to take a quick shower?

[coolaschmoola]

DH had a long bath this afternoon, then went out for a couple of hours.

When he came back I could tell, without asking that he'd been at his parents because he absolutely reeks of stale cigarette smoke. His family smoke like chimneys and in winter there tends to be a fug of smoke in their living room. There house, their choice.

I can't abide the smell at all. It makes me feel sick. Plus both dd and I have chest infections and we co-sleep. So I asked him to shower and wash his hair, and he said no point blank because its only hours since he had a bath.

It doesn't help that he has a poor sense of smell whilst I'm sensitive to smells

Let's hope he isn't expecting conjugals later. He is being very unreasonable

Oops!

I do understand why he doesn't think he needs to, and I do understand that he probably cant even smell the smoke on himself, but it makes me feel very sick and the thought of it pervading our pillows and having to share a bed with it makes my stomach turn.

I told him if he wouldn't have a quick shower he could sleep on the sofa rather than spread smoke stench in our bed.

wibu?

I can see his point of view.

Oops, sorry, he is a male. YANBU

I think he's BU but I detest the smell of fags too. Stale smoke is almost worse than fresh! And it will permeate your bed linen too, urgh. My dad smokes like a chimney - he came to visit this week and even though he smoked outside rather than in the house, his coat reeked and smelt the place up all week. He collected his fag ends and put them in the kitchen bin too, and that made the kitchen smell like an ashtray. Vom, it's disgusting.

Being as you co-sleep with DD I'd have thought he would want to shower any ways.YANBU I can't stand the smell either.

Yep the smell is grim. YANBU.

I am SO sensitive to the smell of smoke these days. Gone are the days of evenings in smokey pubs and hanging my jacket up to air it out over night!

Yanbu. Not safe at all if you are cons keeping and like fuck would I share a bed with someone who not only stank but would risk the health of his family by point proving re showers. Dp has friends who smoke and I make Him shower before he comes to bed.

I don't think you are unreasonable.
if you do something or exposed to something that makes you stink then wtf does it matter how long before that event it was that you bathed? You stink NOW because of something that occured AFTER you bathed.
a bath doesnt act as a forcefield for 24 hours. He is being a nit. 5 minutes in a shower and a change of clothes v stinking like an ashtray.

God, I missed the fact that you co-sleep. NO WAY should he be sharing a bed with your kid stinking of smoke!

I smoke, but I smoke outdoors. When you smoke indoors it does seem to cling to you a lot more. Even so, I often have to wash my hair twice a day, change clothes multiple times because of smoke smell. If just in the house doing nothing, I have a dressing gown I wear out for smokes that kind of absorbs the smell/protects my pj's a bit. I think yanbu to ask him to jump in the shower and change clothes. The smell of stale smoke is disgusting. I hate to smell it off myself. DP smokes too, but much less (maybe ten a week) and cracks up at how much washing I do (smell doesn't bother him). But to me it's worth it. New years resolution -again- will be to quit.

Advice is not to co-sleep if you're a smoker. Not sure if that extends to being covered in second-hand smoke chemicals. With you and DD both having a chest infection, it seems like a no-brainer.

And my ds never co slept with me because of my smoking. Can you give him the ultimatum of shower or sleep on couch?

Ask him, "Dh - if you spilled something stinky on yourself, would you decide you didn't need to wash it off because you had previously had a shower? And you do realise that your bath doesn't carry on cleaning you after you get out?"

Whilst I was posting my op unbeknownst to me DH hopped in the shower, he also put his clothes in the washer.

I'm guessing that his refusal earlier was more to do with a knee jerk grump as he's had a bad day than any actual thought. It would appear that when I left him to it he not only decided to shower, he also washed his clothes.