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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think dsis should leave her lodgings?

57 replies

namechange101010 · 26/10/2014 17:07

DSis recently moved to a new area and into lodgings, a large room in a house shared with the landlady and two other lodgers. They have shared use of the kitchen and the lodgers have a separate bathroom from the landlady. When DSis looked at the house she noticed that some of the furniture in her room had polythene over the top, but assumed that was because it was new; she also saw a newspaper on the floor in the bathroom, but thought that was just temporary. Landlady seemed very pleasant, room was nice so she took it.

However, having moved in she has discovered there are all sorts of rules. After a shower the landlady expects them not just to clean the shower but to dry it. The newspaper is always on the floor in the bathroom, and if it gets at all wet they're expected to replace it. They have designated days for washing, and mustn't have washing drying in their rooms - there is a rack, but it's way too small for the average wash. They have to sign in when they are using the internet, and it goes off automatically at midnight. Although they are supposed to be free to cook in the kitchen, the one time DSis tried it the landlady was hovering round and, when she spilt a couple of drops of water on the top of the cooker the LL insisted that she clean it up there and then, giving a lecture about how she must check under the rings on the cooker. When she'd finished, LL insisted that she wash up the pans immediately whilst her food got cold. Since then, DSis has lived off salads and sandwiches made in her room (she has a fridge), she can't face the hassle of using the kitchen.

DSis is just miserable and already hates going back there. She can give a month's notice but feels bad about moving out so quickly. We've told her she should get out as soon as she can find somewhere else - the landlady really should have told her about all these rules and regulations before she moved in. What does MN think?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/10/2014 20:23

Did she have to pay a deposit, OP?

whois · 26/10/2014 20:26

That is batshit. She needs to leave!

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2014 20:55

Another vote for leaving.

If I were her, I'd pack up tomorrow and go leaving no forwarding address. From what you've said the landlady may be very difficult about returning her deposit anyway - she'd probably bill for the wet newspaper or shower cleaner. she sounds extremely controlling not to add bonkers!

Yes your sister may need to stay in a B&B for a few nights while she sorts something else out but to be honest she'll probably be a lot less stressed and unhappy

Jolleigh · 26/10/2014 21:05

Landlady doesn't sound like any deposit she's taken will have gone into a protection scheme anyway...it's written into the legislation that should a landlord fail to do this, a tenant can take them to court where they may be awarded 3x the deposit amount payable by the landlord. I'd hit them with that if there's struggle with the deposit.

immaturestudent · 26/10/2014 23:14

It's better to move out now as behavior will definitely get worse. My previous LL was nutters, and very antisocial, monitored kitchen use and inspected bathroom after every visit. We had argued two weeks into the tenancy, despite LL shouting me down and increasingly bizarre behavior, I decided to stay until the end of the month and have never regretted any decision more. I had to get a police escort to retrieve my things.

PhaedraIsMyName · 27/10/2014 00:33

If she hasn't paid a deposit if I were her I'd leave immediately. Does she pay weekly or monthly? I suggest she times her departure to coincide with the next day rent is due.

TraceyTrickster · 27/10/2014 01:46

leave...it will only get worse.

My LL was barmy like this when I first went to uni. We had to leave the bath spotless, but she washed her 4 yorkies in in and left it full of dog hair (I went to a friend's for showers). Dogs peed up the fridge, left piles of shit everywhere. She put locks on the phone and the her doors to her areas but we were not allowed them on ours 'in case she needed access'.
I lasted a whole month.

Downamongtherednecks · 27/10/2014 01:56

Leave immediately -- the LL sounds unhinged and it will worsen, and you've said your dd isn't keen on standing up for herself.

flyingspaghettimonster · 27/10/2014 04:49

She needs to move out ASAP! We lived with a landlady like this - we had a double room and a separate bathroom for just lodgers - we cooked rarely as if we did we were expected to clean up before leaving the kitchen and eat in our bedroom - there was no privacy as the nosy cow kept going into our room to let her cat in because he liked sleeping on our bed! We had a pet hamster and kept begging her not to do that. She also left notes everywhere telling us things like our room was too messy if we hadn't made our bed, or complaining we had used the house phone and rounded down on the log book rather than up and used it during peak time... She was a total annoying neurotic cowbag and your sister won't feel relaxed at home till she finds somewhere else.

Andrewofgg · 27/10/2014 05:37

I wonder if LL stows the bodies of the lodgers who gave notice under the stairs Grin

Latara · 27/10/2014 08:21

She should find somewhere else ASAP; there's nothing worse than living somewhere that you are unhappy.

What is the newspaper on the bathroom floor all about - how weird! Most people have nice bath mats!

When I used to flatshare we had a 40 yr old student nurse move in - poor woman had been living in hell with a landlady - she couldn't even leave her rucksack in the hall there for 5 mins without it being moved!

And one of my colleagues is 46 - she lives in a houseshare run by a landlord who has some very strange ideas about the washing machine. It's a shame that she has to live in that situation at her age.

pluCaChange · 27/10/2014 08:55

Jolleigh, unfortunately, it sounds as though this is a "lodger" arrangement, so the deposit protection isn't available - that is for tenancies in which the LL doesn't live there.

www.lodgerlandlord.co.uk/2010/04/06/do-deposits-from-lodgers-need-to-be-protected/

twofingerstoGideon · 27/10/2014 09:00

Jolleigh Your advice isn't correct. Lodgers aren't tenants.

OP, your sister should leave and I say that as a landlady! :)

Jolleigh · 27/10/2014 09:08

plu I've never lodged before and it does appear you're quite right! Why do people hand over deposits in this situation?! Just reading through the comments on the link you've posted, there are landlords discussing keeping deposits despite no damages, simply because they've not liked the way a lodger has spoken to them and there are tenants being advised to walk away from the deposit as courts are more likely to side with landlords Shock Disgusting!

cruikshank · 27/10/2014 09:28

She really needs to get out. Standing on newspaper after a shower is a fucking manky thing to expect people to do anyway, and being chased around the kitchen while your food gets cold is no way to live. Your sister would probably be happier in a shared house anyway - seeing what friends have gone through over the years, most live-in LLs have their own way of doing things and treat the tenants who pay their mortgage for them at best on sufferance and at worst with the kind of Kommandant approach that this woman is displaying. At least in a shared house you're all on an equal footing, which I think is a much more healthy household dynamic.

SuburbanRhonda · 27/10/2014 09:28

I lodged in Germany when I was a student. My room was at the front of the house and there was no access to any other part of the house. I had a fridge and a kettl but no cooking facilities and had to wash my plate and cutlery in the hand basin in the tiny cloakroom. There was no shower so I had to shower in the student union.

I was totally miserable for three months, not helped by being so far from home.

Tell your DSis to get out as soon as she can. It can affect your mental health having nowhere to relax and call home.

pluCaChange · 27/10/2014 09:46

I've been reading the site, too, and have to say so many of the lodger-LLs sound either clueless or horrible, and the lawyer hosting the site doesn't exactly discourage those attitudes! By contrast, on MN you've got LLs like specialsubject reiterating that LLs have got to obey the law, and every bad/incompetent LL gives law abiding LLs a bad name; and also reiterating that tenants should exercise their right to give notice, because paying rent for neglect, harassment, etc., is "giving money to slumlords"

namechange101010 · 27/10/2014 14:04

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

The good news is that DSis has decided she really can't stand it any more and thinks she has found a studio flat to move to. It's more expensive, but has its own kitchen and bathroom and landlady disclaimed any rules other than "Don't be too noisy." So she's hoping to move there next week though not relying on getting any rent back.

Re the newspaper thing, DSis had a bathmat and took to smuggling it into the bathroom so she could put it on top of the newspaper. The very fact that she had to feel guilty about using a bathmat really made her realise how utterly stupid the whole situation is.

It's astonishing how many mad LLs there are out there. I get it that it's their home, but if you're taking money for letting it to people for whom it will also be home, surely you've got to cut some slack? At the very least there should be some sort of requirement that prospective tenants get told all the rules before they sign up.

OP posts:
cruikshank · 27/10/2014 14:19

That's great news, OP. Hope she's happier in her new home.

ImperialBlether · 27/10/2014 14:45

Had she paid the mad landlady a deposit, OP?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/10/2014 14:58

I'd rather pay more for my own space than live in that hell hole.

Atleast when she goes home, she can shut the world out if she wants.

OnlyLovers · 27/10/2014 14:59

Very good news, OP. Might be worth asking for a written list of any house rules for the new place? Once bitten twice shy and all. She could frame it as 'So we BOTH know where we stand.'

carlsonrichards · 27/10/2014 15:13

Hope she gets the hell out of there soon. This lady just wants the money and to treat the lodgers like toddlers.

namechange101010 · 28/10/2014 11:43

Turns out DSis did pay a deposit, and LL blithely told her that she hoped she wasn't planning on getting it back immediately because she didn't have it!

DSis is concentrating on just getting the hell out at the moment but FFS - why wouldn't you make arrangements to keep deposits separately? Next fight coming up!

OP posts:
youareallbonkers · 28/10/2014 12:13

You are not unreasonable to think whatever you think but it is nothing to do with you. Assuming your sister is an adult let her deal with her life herself