To let DS (4) wear girls' clothes?

[Orrellway]

I know these threads have been done to death, please stay with me.

Basically although DS (4 in June) does like dresses, he generally likes to wear jeans or jogging bottoms but with tops or t shirts that are "girls" - he likes pink but also things that appeal to both genders but are found in the girls section. So one of his favourite t shirts has galloping horses on it (he loves animals) and peppa pig, one other favourite is one with garden birds on it. So while they are girls clothes not necessarily overtly so although he does like pink and lilac (this is his favourite colour.) today he is wearing dark grey jogging bottoms with a long sleeved lilac top and v neck dark pink jumper.

Others have commented and DH has said he needs to put his foot down. That his mates still remember stuff from infant school and DS will be the cross dresser forever at this rate. Someone did refer to DS as 'the little gay one' once (the older brother of one of his classmates) and I certainly don't want to set him up to be bullied.

But how can you say you can't like that colour or tv show ? At 4?

Aibu to stand up to DH and say DS will wear what he wants?

He's 4. Let him be him.

My youngest was the same until age about 6 when he decided that pink was 'for girls' etc. He still kept his toys etc, just preferred to keep them for home.

He used to walk around with his baby strapped to his back and a gun in his hand. Neither toy was right according to many strangers that approached us in the street.

It was never an issue and I always think in these situations that it says more about the adults than the child.

Let him be happy.

My DS was the one in the tutu and tiara whenever you picked him up from nursery. He dresses in a very masculine way now (aged 13) but I have no doubt at all that he IS gay, we've discussed it and it's no big deal. Your DC's sexuality will be whatever it is, best to embrace them exactly as they are from Day 1 and you'll save them a world of pain in later years when they don't have to brace themselves to "tell" you anything.

Honestly I wouldn't. I have three boys and wouldn't send them out in feminine clothing. You can get boys tops in pink and purple without looking girly. Dressing up at home or toddlers again I have no problem with but no out and about but that's my choice

You can get so e great t shirts with animals on online. Perhaps in a darker colour it wouldn't get remarked on

Tricky.

I let my DS 3 go out in dresses, but only with me, not DH and I'm careful not to post photos to Facebook etc

He also has 'girls' hair so people just assume he's a girl.

Checkout lady was v discombobulated when I referred to him as he. She was judging me mightily, but hey, I was judging her back, I don't care.

I suppose it comes down to a question of what matters more - your son expressing himself, or what others think about it.

Personally, I think letting him be himself is vital. He may continue to want to dress in what are considered girls' clothes for the rest of his life, but that won't be caused by letting him dress himself now.

Interestingly I have a cousin who has the same situation with her Dd, now 5. Since she could voice her opinion she refused to wear 'girly' clothes and will only choose clothes from the boys section in shops, same with shoes. She only plays with boys at school. Her parents thankfully realise that it's more important for her to feel comfortable with who she is and so let her decide what she wears etc. I think it's marvellous that she's so confident that she doesn't care if she's different.
I find it interesting that this appears to be more acceptable behaviour if a girl does it than if a boy does. Very sad.

I hope he is given the support to be who he wants to be.

Sorry, that last bit sounded awful, I didn't mean it to be.
What I meant was I hope you and your DH can support him to be himself without leaving him wide open to bullying. Very difficult in this still very macho culture.

FFS tell your DH to get a grip & leave his son be.

Does he think he'll "catch the gay" ?? If he WAS a crossdresser all his life would he stop loving him as his son??

It is tricky. I am totally 100% pro let them be who they want to be. But, sometimes they want to be the kids who don't get teased. My son is 9, had shoulder length blonde hair. Gorgeous. He started getting teased at school about it, saying he looked like a girl. I sat down with him and we had a long chat about the fact that he is allowed to be who he wants, it is THEIR problem and NOT his that people don't like his long hair, and that no one has a right to say how someone else should dress. But I also said that it is OK to not enjoy being teased, and to want to fit in. I said I would support whatever he wanted, I could go and chat to his teacher about the children teasing him. But that if he wanted to do something to make his life easier in the short term, that was ok too.

He decided to get a haircut. :(

It is fine for us to say that we should stand up to bullies, that our kids can be whoever they want to be, and I stand by that. My son should NOT have been teased for having long hair. But he was. I did speak to the teacher, and the children co corned were spoken to, but at the end of the day my son opted for an easy life.

Our kids are people, and little, vulnerable people, they shouldn't have to be the pio needs for the change that we want to see if all they want is an easy life.

*pioneers not pio needs!

DH isn't worried about him being gay, he's worried that if he isnt gay (or for that matter even if he is) he'll forever be remembered as the boy who liked wearing girls' clothes.

DH reckons they remember things like this well into their teens, I was home educated so not sure

I think your DH is overthinking it. The world is much more fast-paced today and young people are much more open minded than a lot of us give them credit for. Most of the people my DS has on his Instagram are desperate to have something "different" about themselves and love to share their diversity!

So he will be remembered as the boy who liked wearing girls clothes, so what? Lots of worse things to be remembered for!

I agree with Sophia your DH is overthinking it. Your DS is enjoying wearing clothes he likes & is comfortable in, he's not thinking of them as girls clothes or boys clothes just clothes.

My ds2 (5) is exactly the same. We no longer let him wear actual dresses outside (except for parties/Halloween etc), but that is because we decided he was using them as a crutch and was becoming obsessed with appearances in general. He has some girls' tops, and some tops that are for boys but are pink or have animals on them he likes. All his nightwear is from the girls' sections.

His best friends are girls but, judging from teacher's comments and party invitations he receives, he is well-liked and becoming increasingly confident.

I have thought a lot about this (and posted on here about it) and have finally come to the conclusion that neither h or I care a fig if he is to be gay (having done some research on this, there seems to be evidence that boys who persist in it after the age of 7ish are more likely to be gay) and it is a real shame to be labelling such young children and perhaps giving them the impression that who they are and what they like is not acceptable.

He should be able to wear what he likes. The more I read about this topic, the more I feel the comments from the 'anti' brigade to be prejudiced, distasteful and downright sad.

Sadly this is one area where it remains completely acceptable to "blame the victim". People see girls as having a lower status - so a boy wearing "girls clothes" will get teased or bullied if his friends find out. And because it's acceptable to blame the victim, society thinks that it's up to you to stop him doing it, not up to others to prevent him from being teased.