To use disposable plates etc during half term?

[TychosNose]

I'm having a hard time coping at the mo. 8 month old sleeps terribly and 4 year old struggling with starting school. I'm suffering with pnd.

So, much as I care about the environment, wibu to use paper plates and cups and plastic cutlery so there's less washing up whilst I'm on my own with the kids for the week?

I've already decided to do no clothes washing all week and I'm not hoovering, just wiping the floors with floor wipes (wood throughout).

Actually really frightened about next week. Shit, sorry, this has become an essay. Didn't realise how emotional I felt about all this!

Dh is around but works long hours. He does his best to be home to help with bedtime but then works all evening, so the home and kids really are my responsibility. (He's also so stressed with work that's its a bit like having another fragile 4yo sometimes, but that's another thread entirely!)

Thank you all so much for your perspectives. I think I am trying to maintain the house to a pre-dc standard and I need to stop and let a few things go.

I'm feeling much more positive thanks to your replies. Hurrah for mn!

Op, I'm worried that you are not having proper treatment for your pnd. Can you ask to see another GP at your practice, maybe a woman?

I used to plan activities put for the 4 year old eg park, museum and the little one will just have to fit in.

Somehow,my baby crying outside wasn' as bad as hours of it at home. And the house doesn't get more messy while you're out.

Also, do lots of tv or dvds. The 4 yr old will need some down time. I had pretty much outsourced messy play to school etc by that age.

I'm probably going to get flamed for asking/suggesting this. Would you be able to have stronger medication if you were to stop breast feeding?

Is that something you would consider? You have done amazingly so far 8m is incredible. And these things are fine for a week. But Xmas holidays are longer and I'm worried how you will cope with the situation then.

What happens on your husband's days off? I can see why you take full responsibility for the housework and childcare whilst he's working such long hours, but I'm wondering when you get a break from it. A chance to recharge your batteries when your husband gets a chance to spend time with the children.

Thanks mintyy I'm worried too. My poor dcs.

I'm not getting any help with my pnd (apart from mn). That's why I contacted home start. I don't know what else to do. My gp is a woman but is a bit flakey. Tbh none of the gps at my practice seem to be any good with mh.

I don't know what to say about dh. He has different priorities. To him it's important to mow the lawn and re-pot his plants and paint the living room ceiling at the weekend. He does do some batch cooking to try and help, and he changes the sheets on the beds, which is useful, but other than that he's not that helpful. He tries to be, but we're just not on the same page anymore.

Please, don't mention Christmas. Dh is working away for a week in dec and says he doesn't know whether he'll be able to take any extra time off. We had a big row about that.

Wrt bf - I really don't want to stop. Apart from anything else, making up formula, cleaning bottles etc would just be another job for me. And last time when I stopped I became depressed so I'd be scared that the pnd would get worse.

To him it's important to mow the lawn and re-pot his plants and paint the living room ceiling at the weekend.

This seems a bit of a mix of chores and hobbies to me. Regardless of all this, how many hours do you get on his days off when you get a chance to do something other than chores or care for the children?

Your doctor's attitude to PND disgusts me. Are you able to contact your HV?

Not read whole thread, but people have such varying standards. LOL at the idea of hoovering "every other day" being an effort-saving tip for reducing housework! Around here that would represent a 600% increase in effort.

to you OP. I'm in half term hell too with PND and useless doctor who told me to give up breastfeeding, I shouldn't be breastfeeding any more, as she only did it to 10 months but that's another story, 2 squabbling school age children and a year old who has found her feet (literally) and is into everything. I've given up on any hope of living in a tidy house. I'm just aiming to make it to the end of the day with everyone fed and in one piece.

Do the minimum to need to do!

YANBU and can I also add I have tow teenage children who sometimes had sandwiches for lunch and dinner (except for dinner it was a picnic on the carpet with rug to catch crumbs and teddies etc)

OP, I agree - contact your health visitor re. the pnd, or if you are feeling strong enough make another appointment with your GP and go in with a script (ask MN to help you?) about your current state of mind. It is all too easy to come across as a bit vague in a 10 minute appointment and its very hard when you are not feeling assertive. I am so angry on your behalf!

Sympathies smileandnod
Sorry to hear that your gp is shit too. Mine seems to think that if I gave up bf then suddenly a ff fairy would appear and do all the night feeds for me so I can rest. Er, no, it's still just me.

What's your Hv like? Mines even worse than the gp. She told me to stop viewing the glass as half-empty! And unless I do controlled crying she has no advice to offer so I've given up on her.

vivacia I don't get any hours free from children or chores. Do other people with small children?

My ds is older but with sn so I really don't do.any more housework than I have to when he is at home. And by that I mean just making sure the kitchen and loo/bathroom are hygenic!!

My children aren't so little, but when they were both me and my partner found it vital to be given a break.

Most important was the other taking over for 20 minutes when they walked through the door. The commute had been a mental break for them, so they returned the "favour". I think I used to zone out in front of the tv or computer and just have a break from being in charge.

On a weekend we used to try to give each other at least an hour off - to go for a run or have a bath (with everyone else out of the house - bliss).

I can see how this wouldn't be for everyone.

Sounds like you had a good system vivacia

I would find the commute a break. In fact driving without dc in the car would be a real treat for me. But dh seems to find the commute another dreadfully stressful part of his day so when he gets home, he's the one who needs a break usually.

We have agreed in the past that I need an hour to myself every weekend but it just never happens because he's always got a bad headache or needs to do some urgent diy.

Tychos As far as child-free time, for me the answer was 'yes'. My DH usually did part of the evening things, either kitchen cleanup or bedtime routine, as well as a few hours on the weekend. And I can remember him telling me 'sit down, sit down, you've been going all day!'. Did this happen on its own? Oh no! There were a few tears and tantrums (mine) before he got the message. As hard as it may be, please do speak to him. Tell him specifically that you need his help with the children. We joke now that his motto is 'A happy wife is a happy life'.

But, I didn't have PND or depression, I just needed a break and a little help. You need and deserve more. Don't be afraid to fight for yourself with your GP. If she isn't sympathetic, ask to see another doctor. Or try to speak to a midwife or nurse. Just keep asking. And ask your husband to fight for you, too.

((OP)) I really feel for you. I don't know how I would have survived without DP's support. Even then it was touch-and-go at times.

We're both introverts, so driving in the car, often without the radio on, could be very helpful despite the stress of driving in bad weather, bad traffic etc. Knowing that I'd have to cope with the bombardment for 20-30 minutes was fine, because I had prior warning and I could see just how important it was for DP. We used to make it a bit of a competition really to see how much we could get done before the other returned to the chaos. We still do that now actually, only the children are trained up too.

Did this happen on its own? Oh no! There were a few tears and tantrums (mine) before he got the message.

Oh my God, this too. I really tried to be be SupermumSuperwife at first.

are you on your own? if you are struggling and have a partner they have to step up. concentrate on cuddles and playing and leave the mess for them to deal with.

Dh does help with bedtime - but there's 2dc so he does one and I do the other. I do have tears and tantrums. And so does dh! He is really suffering from stress. I know he looks bad from what I've said, but he is trying his hardest too.

sorry, slow to read.
when dh come home be ready to leave.
go for a walk, swimming, sit down in a cafe (whatever you fancy) and come back an hour later.

Hi OP, just chipping in to lend some support and hope that your first day of half term is going ok.

We had our half term last week, and my 4 year old spent the vast majority of it in front of the TV while I desperately tried to get my 5 month old to nap (and felt guilty about the TV overload)! She's gone back to school today with no problems, and I'm sure it didn't do her any lasting damage. Be kind to yourself.

Gosh that would be a bit harsh mausmaus the dc would be beside themselves if I disappeared for an hour - I would miss bedtime. I imagine it might tip dh over the edge too. The state I would return to would not be worth it.