Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I am worried about 8 year old's individual piano lessons.

34 replies

Bluesky700 · 24/10/2014 10:18

Twice, my daughter has returned home from individual piano classes with a male teacher and gone straight to the bathroom, the first time washing her legs down with a jug of water, the second time straight in the shower. When asked about it she looks at me like, what's the big deal. She seems in all ways fine and is very motivated to learn the piano. I ask about the lessons, she says she enjoys them or she would ask to stop going. I ask what the teachers like she says what do you mean what's he like. So I am freaked out and am going to have a talk with her about other people and what it's ok and not okay for them to do. Any advice on how to approach this without freaking her out too, but helping her to feel she can confide in me if she needs to? The lessons take place at a large, busy music school with a good reputation.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 24/10/2014 11:07

Childrensservant you make some very sound points both as a teacher and a parent.

flamingtoaster · 24/10/2014 11:08

If it was me I would just change teacher - there may, or may not, be something going on but changing teacher is an easy resolution either way.

chasingtheegg · 24/10/2014 11:11

I absoloutly do not advocate phoning ofsted or making formal or informal complaint unless you are 100% sure something awful is going on, you will ruin his life in doing so, so if he's entirely innocent, that would be awful.

But your concerns now, should be to protect your daughter from any potential harm and to investigate this thoroughly. I sincerely hope that it is one of the other reasons offered above and you can resolve this.. but you need to get to the bottom of it before you send her again. Or ask to sit in.

You owe it to her to pay careful attention and be there for her to open up no matter what the issue is.

Ilovewheelychairs · 24/10/2014 11:24

I too am a music teacher who teaches individuals.

Childsservant is absolutely right- no teacher should be teaching 1:1 without a window. This is for both the protection of the child and the teacher. If this is the case, you need to make the point to the head of school immediately.

Do go and sit in on the lessons. I never mind and often actively encourage the parents of my pupils to do this. It keeps the relationship open and enables you to see what is going on in the lesson, both for your peace of mind and so you can see her progress and help her to practise.

As an aside, I am a violin teacher and I often ask my children to wash their hands during or after the lesson as the rosin and strings can make their hands sticky. There is not necessarily anything untoward happening here- the room may be very hot as your daughter may be getting sweaty for example.

Either way, any teacher worth their salt will not mind you sitting in on their lesson. If the teacher objects, make it quite clear that the lessons will not continue without you being present for the moment. If the room has no window this MUST CONTINUE. If I am ever teaching in a room without a window I insist on the parent or guardian being in with me- this protects me against false allegations from the child as much as anything else. If you are happy after 3/4 weeks then stay outside the room but make it clear you are outside.

A priority of teaching is making sure every child is being taught in a SAFE environment. At the moment it doesn't sound like it is, certainly from your child's point of view. You need to work with the teacher and the school to ensure that is happening for your daughter. If they can't do that then you need to move and report them to Ofsted.

AngelinaCongleton · 24/10/2014 11:30

I have an 8 year old dd in piano lessons. I would sit in every lesson until i got to the bottom of it without giving any particular reason other than you want to see how she's getting on. I would be seeking advice on how to broach this with my daughter. Good luck. Does she get the chance to go to the toilet before?

londonrach · 24/10/2014 11:35

You dont send her again. The washing is very worrying. What did your dd say about needing to shower.

mumster79 · 24/10/2014 11:35

As a music teacher and a parent I 100% concur with Ilovewheelychairs.

I have seen inaccurate accusations, however, unfortunately I've seen far more accurate accusations. From twenty years ago to the current day, in specialist schools and conservatoires, to your local visiting peripatetics.

It may well be entirely nothing, however sit in on the lessons or change the teacher - one or the other.

I hope it sorts itself out.

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/10/2014 11:48

IME it's unusual for a parent to sit in on a 1:1 music lesson

You need to be really, really certain before you accuse this teacher of doing anything

Ofsted don't necessarily have a role here - your local authority is the lead for safeguarding issues

Please try to get your DD to explain what is happening

TheLateKateMumsnet · 24/10/2014 12:30

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your reports about this thread. We're going to suspend this thread whilst we take a closer look into things.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.