Family problems

[86BitGamer]

Hi

I would just like to get people's opinions about a situation and see if I'm going crazy by thinking I'm the one in the wrong or that my sister is
Backstory: I don't always answer my phone, I'm not attached to it like most people tend to be, to me it's a phone etc etc my sister rings me and I missed all the calls as didn't hear them etc
She then says that I should always keep my phone on me incase of emergencies, I proceeded to say the above (not attached to my phone etc) and she said and I'm air quoting here "well dads in hospital" obviously I was shocked as my father is never been truly ill. I asked why and she said his blood pressure was giving him problems or something like that, and then I hear my father in the background saying "why you telling him I'm in hospital"

Obviously I was furious and asked my sister why she would say this to me? And her reply was to "teach me a lesson that I had to keep my phone on me because what if it WAS and emergency.
(who in a separate occasion said to me I wasn't her brother because I would not do something she wanted as I was busy shopping at the time, and later was told by my mother that "she didn't mean it like that", my sister said she said it because she knew it would hurt me)

Now...excuse the long backstory but I would like to know am I in the wrong? Or am I justified in my actions to be utterly angry and upset let alone think it's sick my sister do this to me?
I'm 28yrs old my sister is 24yrs

I do think that's an awful, manipulative way of behaving to you. To lie about your father's health like that is deeply upsetting. It is really controlling behaviour to demand that someone drops everything to talk to you at that moment just because they feel like it.

I would give them your landline number and say that you won't always pick up, but if they leave a message saying it's an emergency you would of course call them back asap. I'd also give them a work number for your boss and tell them that they can get you on that in the event of any emergency, but obviously - it being your boss's number - not to bother at other times.

What a horrible, petulant way for you sister to behave. She sounds cross because she can't control if you pick up the phone or not and decided to 'teach you a lesson'.

YANBU.

Can't stand these people who are a slave to their phone. "Sorry I'll just have to get this". Followed by an inane conversation about fish fingers or similar.

Totally agree the phone is for your convenience. Sometimes they're out of range/not appropriate to have on/ not convenient to answer. If there is an emergency they can leave a message.

Everyone knows email is the fastest way to reach me. Even my landline voicemail makes that clear. We have virtually no mobile signal here so anyone thinking mobile gets to everyone fastest has not lived in this bit of London (yes London, not NW Scotland)!

We certainly find as a family email or whatsapp is the least intrusive and the best solution for communications.

Your sister was totally out of order. Lying to make a 'point' is cruel and stupid.

You do, however, need to have a conversation with your parent/s and her about emergency contact. Discuss what works for you as a family.

No one needs to be glued to their phone though many people are. There was life before mobile phones.

Good grief! Your sister sounds 12 not 24. It's high time she, they both, left home and got one with their own life.

It really shouldn't be necessary to ring home every day. My DD is 18 and just left to go for Uni for the first time a month ago and I certainly don't expect her to ring every day. I am delighted to have a skype call with her once a week.

As for ringing you to do errands because they can't be bothered to get dressed, that really is taking the p**s.

Your sister sounds like a twat. I'm not a slave to my phone either. If somebody rings and I'm not available to answer it, they usually just send a text as to what they want me for. Obviously they would put on the text if it was urgent and I would get back to them as soon as poss. I can't be doing with these people that just want to talk on phones all day about nothing in particular. I've got a life.

Your sisters sound horrible, they really do.

My advice? Don't let anyone set themselves up as a gatekeeper to your relationship with another adult. Think abut who you actually want to speak to (father? mother? grandparents?) and how often, then do that, and tell those people that is what you will be doing. Ringing home every day is excessive, in my book. Fair enough if you actually want to, but not as an enforced expectation.

If one of your sisters rings you to say your mother is angry because... tell them you will speak to your mother about it. Then ring off and call your mother. Your sisters can't play nasty games as easily if they are kept out of the loop.

And feel free to keep pointing out to your parents that they can't be that keen to speak to you if they never ring you.

Tell her to fuck off, seriously.

She a brat and I'm guessing no ones ever stood up to her on a regular basis.

Plenty of people with important jobs manage without mobile phones, brain surgeons etc. Friends husband does something for the D.O.D. he not allowed to bring his phone in to his office building. . .

But that's all by-the-by.

Shes a bully.

Take a deep breath and tell her to step off her high horse.

So you moved out and got an independent life did you? Oh you bad brother, you!

So you aren't there to do the 'man' stuff' - you total churl!

In all seriousness, invite her out for a cup of coffee and then tell her in very clear terms that you will not be held to ransom by her high handedness. If she want to continue to have any contact with you she can wind her neck in and remember you are her brother not her child/servant.

Also have a chat with your parents, in their home and tell them that, whilst you appreciate she is trying to protect them you don't find her behaviour amusing or in any way acceptable. Ask them to help her think twice - sounds like your dad would be in board with that.

I wish I had done something similar with my sister, years ago. It would have saved her a lot of heartache - something she now appreciates, which makes it much easier to spend time with her!

It sounds as though there is an unhealthy family culture of enforced phone conversations, and behind it a control of information in a very emotionally manipulative way.

I am in no position to give advice because I am terrible at drawing boundaries, but I agree with other posters that some distance from that is important. Perhaps you could consider not spending all your time ringing to see how people are, and maybe sending a text instead? If you get the phone call accusing you of being uncaring (which you clearly are not, by the way, you sound super-attentive), you could say that you are finding the whole demands of constant contact to be a bit upsetting, that you're always at the end of a phone should you be needed, but that you also need a bit of your own space at times.

Argh its one of my pet hates that you have to always be glued to your phone, so no your not being unreasonable.

Maybe your sister is jealous as you have left home and from her persepctive seems like your having the time of your life etc. (I am not implying you are).

And slightly off topic I hate it when people, especially my ex would have no problem having what I call a text conversation for 1/2hr or so (this is instant replies to exts) but if I suggested we just pick up the phone and call rather than text he would say no. I mean surely texting is for just a quick message not for a full blown conversation for a lengthy period of time

You're sister sounds like a controlling arse.

I'm always "in trouble" for not answering my phone.

I DO answer it. When I want to and/or am available to talk.

The world has yet to stop turning.

This:

It's a bit mean..... but I did very similar to my older girls' dad after he started screening my calls. It worked on him as well.

Is lunacy to me.

You were teaching him a lesson? Why? He's not obliged to speak to you!

Nannyogg, I'm never long away from home, and if there's an emergency (touch wood) they'll get me eventually. I can also press 1471 and see what number called without all this 'Where are you?' rubbish. As there's no mobile signal it would be useless to have one of those.
Having been born in the forties, when no-one had a phone and you put tuppence in a slot and pressed Button A in a phone box, I'm not really into being available to the world and his wife every waking minute!

I'm just at my wits end as it has always been like this

Just tell them to fuck off. Here's how: "Fuck off".

They'll be upset. Here's how to respond: "Fuck off".

You were teaching him a lesson? Why? He's not obliged to speak to you!

That's a matter of opinion. I don't ring him for the sheer joy of it- I ring him because I need to speak to him about something regarding our children. Whether he wants to or not is of very little consequence to me.

If he doesn't like having to speak to me on the phone then he should've worn a condom.