To be upset with DH after last night?

[SeattleGraceMercyDeath]

I'm tired, I probably was unreasonable but I'm still feeling like shit so would like another perspective.

So last night for the third time I was let down by friends with flimsy excuses about a cinema trip (feeling a bit snotty so going to have an early night, was woken up early by DH so was tired and want an early night and have a bit of a headache so don't think looking at a big screen will help were the excuses - consecutive weeks) which I took with good grace (how else can you take these things) but I was a bit down about how I never seem to be able to make plans with folk and see them through so was a bit woe is me. DH wanted to play football last night anyway so with my plans being cancelled he was quite happy to go off and do his thing, I had a bit of a moan to him about how I don't remember the last time I went out of an evening to anything other than work (it was August - a wedding) and he was soothing and promised to get a babysitter and take me out this weekend. I cheered up a bit and said I was going to get a Chinese and watch the new episode of Grey's last night, he pulled his face and said 'oh I famcy pizza' so I said 'yeah ok I'll get something from the pizza shop' and he then said 'why don't we catch up with the walking dead tonight (we're in the middle of season 4 him for the first time and me rewatching with him so I'm itching to watch the series 5 episodes we've recorded) so I say ok, I suppose I'll watch Grey's tomorrow.

Off he goes to football, i sort kids out and get them to bed and order the food so it will arrive around a similar time to him, I get a phone call at around half 8 saying he was getting some diesel could I transfer him some cash as he didn't have any, no problem, I did that, expecting him home shortly, the food arrived and I put it to one side as I knew he was on his way home. An hour later he rocked up, so after the new episode of Grey's had started (2/3rds of the way through) and the food was cold (and my kebab and chips soggy to boot) I asked where he had been and he shrugged and said he had gone for a pint (not with football people, other mates). We had a huge row and I went to bed without eating anything and ended up snivelling in bed to myself until I went to sleep.

So AIBU in being upset that after being let down by friends and DH knowing I'm upset and feeling a bit low, he then persuades me into making different 'comfort plans' and then fucks off out not returning for the food he wanted so it was edible (if I had known he was going to be another hour i would have just eaten on my own) and doesn't come back until the TV show I was expecting to record and not watch so we could watch something else together is almost over so I could have watched it anyway.

God. I'm turning into one of those women. Fucks sake.

I can see why you are upset.

I'd have watched Greys and eaten the food anyway, he was the late one, and it would have been inedible after an hour. You snooze, you lose.

Has he apologised today? I'd expect DP to let me know if he was going to be late - I wouldn't mind him going to see friends, but he should at least tell you, especially after he called asking for money.

Hmmm, yab a bit u. He is also being selfish though BUT sometimes we have to look after ourselves. You were silly to let your dinner go cold. The TV is all being taped and can be watched at any time, thank goodness for SKY tv so no point getting upset over TV!

Make friends tonight. No point falling out over a kebab and the tele.

Tell him not to make a habit of it though!

I would have eaten my food on my own and watched Grey's had I known he was going to be late but as I'd had a call at half 8 I was expecting him through the door at any minute so didn't think the food would get cold and manky and I was recording Grey's so have watched it today but I could have watched it live as I wanted to except DH said he would be home to watch something else. Fucker. Him. Not you.

In the nicest possible way, do you think you're a bit of a pushover?

I wouldn't have even changed my plans for the type of food I wanted. I'd have said nah, I don't fancy pizza, I'm having Chinese, if you want pizza then pick one up on your way home. And if he wasn't home by the time Greys was about to start you should have put it on and watched it.

Oooh I would have been upset too. You had a whole plan for a nice night in, you changed it for his benefit and then he took forever to show up -- that's pretty insensitive. Though I agree you should have just eaten your food anyway.

Can you still go out this weekend though? It's not so awful it's worth having a huge fall out over.

By 'those women' do you mean a woman who deserves respect and a bit of, oh I don't know, maybe tlc from your partner?
He got in touch for money, he could've gotten in touch to say he was going to be late.
Yes, you should eat your food when its hot. You should have watched all of Greys as he wasn't there. His food choice, his tv choice, his football, his pint.
YANBU but you need to tell him how you feel.

Cleanlines ha if you knew me in real life you'd laugh at the suggestion of me being a pushover, I'm not usually at all but I think because I was a bit down and therefore off my game and just wanting a bit of comfort which DH did initially provide with the hugs and the offer of a big night out together at the weekend. I should have stood my ground I guess but the last takeaway we got was a Chinese so I suppose I was happy enough to compromise and although I really wanted to watch Grey's I also want to get to the new episodes of TWD I was equally happy to compromise but it's just the acknowledgment that I was making the compromise and not him and then he sods off and undoes all his good work of making me feel better.

If I hadn't been down to begin with it probably wouldn't have escalated to the situation it did.

Oh I'm sure we'll thrash it out tonight and we'll still go out this weekend. He better bloody not make other plans anyway.

I would be a bit pissed off if DP had called to say he'd be home any minute and then wasn't. But I'd also never let my food go cold. When he didn't show up 20 or so minutes after the phone call, I'd be eating the takeaway and he could eat his when he got in. I think you were both a bit unreasonable but it's nothing worth falling out over.

I would be peeved that he has to borrow or be redistributed money for Diesel but can afford a Pint, that takes the Mick !

I would be in a foul mood! Hope you have a better weekend :-)

I'd be pissed off with that behaviour too. Hope u get an apology today

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face

Don't always put others first.

Two things I've learned and make shit a whole lot easier!

You sound like your being quite self pitying. I probably would be too.
But you know what, you can't be reasonable 100% of the time. It would have been nice if your oh could have just come straight home. He was being selfish.

Balanced the needing money for diesel sounds bad but it's not really as his wages get paid into my bank account and we just transfer to his as and when he needs it, generally no questions. Only do it that way as there is only one bank card to my account and therefore it stops the issue of 'have you got the bank card??!' when we are t in the same place. It's not like he was spending 'my money' in the pub as its all in one lump he just needed some transferring to where he could access it.

I am being self pitying I know but its not a relationship ender just having a few off days due to circumstance.

[allhallows] I really did cut my nose off to spite my face. I was starving! Which will teach me a lesson right enough!

Yanbu to be upset. Next time order your Chinese, tell him to pick his own pizza up and watch the program you want to watch. Oh and tell him to spend his money on the diesel not beer!

Just read your post explaining the need for diesel money to be transferred, my bad