AIBU in thinking that not all kids stories need to end happily?

[Troublesometrucker]

I don't want to hijack another perfectly good thread so creating this one to ask this question.

I just don't feel it's damaging to children to have stories which don't have happy endings personally. Most of the fairy tales are pretty grim but people don't get half as upset over them or think about the impact they have on children as they do with faith stories for example.

I was horrified to discover that little red riding hood did not in fact have a tea party with her new friend wolf at the age of 5. It was quite devastating actually. I think I'd have been better prepared that sometimes things don't end well if my well meaning parents didn't shelter me from every sad ending and change the stories I was exposed to when tiny.

Am I a terrible parent for telling my 2 year old she was eaten up by the wolf? AFAIK he's coped ok with it.

YANBU. There is a lot of psychological evidence that children need to be exposed to the idea of danger quite early so that they understand the world and aren't confused by it. It doesn't do any good to "shield" a child so that when their granny dies they have no idea what's going on. Children accept the world in quite a matter of fact way, they don't have the same hangups as adults and stories are a good way to introduce concepts such as the fact that not everyone is friendly, there is danger in the world etc. Plus IME children love a bit of gore.

Surely it is better for children to not have everything all peachykeen and positive all the time?
I remember reading all the Roald Dahl books avidly when I was little and enjoyed them much more as they had truly vile characters and experiences in them!
Even Beatrix Potter books aren't overtly saccharine (Tom Kitten almost being eaten in the Roly Poly pudding?!) and they are universally loved no?
It's similar to the way you get multiple retakes / rewrites etc at school - it's just setting up false expectations for adult life.

Thx. I think you encapsulated the point I wanted to make much better than I did in the OP lol x

People go out of their way to shelter their kids from faith stories on the other hand saying that they're horrible themes... Just wondering what makes them any different?

try Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes

"I guess you think you know this story,
You don't. The real one's much more gory.
The phony one, the one you know,
was cooked up years and years ago
And made to sound all soft and sappy
Just to keep the children happy...."

YADNBU!

Faith stories are a whole other kettle of fish because, in certain circumstances, they're trying to impose a moral viewpoint that not everyone agrees with. I have no problem with them as long as they're told simply as stories and not as truth or as a way of making children afraid that they are "sinful" or will be punished by god.

Yes I guess it is subjective to the way that they are told...

But then you could in theory use a fairy tale story to impose a moral viewpoint also? Don't go exploring or you may get eaten by a wolf?

There are definitely certain themes to fairy tales, and, as a feminist, I have a problem with how girls in particular are portrayed as weak and in need of rescue. But I think that can be explored with children and there is more out there than "traditional" stories - it's a matter of getting a balance.

I was shocked at the Disney version of the little mermaid! Lots of people these days don't know she's what the sea foam is made of!

No, I didn't know myself Jelliebabe - you learn something new every day! lol

The Little Mermaid is one of the most heartbreaking stories I know, I can't actually bring myself to watch the Disney one because there is no way they would have the story end the way it should. Singing crabs and jolly fish do not belong in a tale of lost love and sacrifice. There is no happy ending. That doesn't mean it is a bad story though, and Disney should have respected that. I reckon Hans Christian Anderson would be turning in his grave!

Disney should have, I agree. But I like the Kiss the girl song lol

just been reading the snowman story with my son. he melts at the end.

When I was 7, I remember our form teacher reading 'Good night mr tom' to us, although it does end happily there is a horrific bit in the middle where the boy's barmy evil mum locks him in a cupboard with a dead baby and leaves him there to die, until mr. tom comes along with his dog and finds him.

It always struck me that was a bit extreme to read to a bunch of seven year olds, but this was in the 80s, not sure if that would happen now.

YABU - there should always be a balance, not just happy-ever-afters.

Oops, that should have been YANBU.

Little Matchstick Girl - still gets me now if I think about it

YABU.

All stories should have happy endings.

Unless they're spectacularly sheltered they'll learn about death and danger and horror from real life.

i think stories are a safe place to explore the darker things though- when as a child you can think about good and bad characters, safe vs scary situations, good and bad outcomes in a controlled way

H C-A was an odd chap though, too close to Dickens, all that oversentimentalised schmaltzy schlock

Ds loves a bit of peril. We have a book called 'are you my mummy?' He's only interested in the pages where the duckling can't find his mummy and won't let me read the last page where he finds her.

Weirdo.

I agree that children will learn about death, danger and horror from real life. That's sort of the point I'm making though - I feel I may have been better equipped if had been exposed from the start in a safe way, rather than completely sheltered in life...until my granny died, and then of course learning that red riding hood actually got eaten.

IF my expectations had included that anything could actually go wrong, perhaps it wouldn't have been so traumatic to find it out in one great big whack at 5years old.

YANBU - had this discussion yesterday with DH and DS.
My ten yr old DS wouldn't watch Bridge to Teribrithia last night because he realised half way through that someone dies and said it would just be sad! However it was my DD's favourite film at the same age (she is 17 now).
Sign of the times or just different taste, I'm not sure...

I have different editions of the ladybird 3 little pigs books. In the newest, no pigs are eaten, and the wolf runs off. In the oldest, 2 pigs and the wolf is eaten (not explicit that the wolf is eaten, but they go down the chimney into the pot, and the next scene is the last pig eating soup.)

Latest Little Red Riding Hood, even the wolf doesn't die, just gets stones in his body and has to eat sprouts.

So no YANBU, there's no reason for everyone to live happily ever after, Chicken Little / Chicken Licken is a great story - it has a moral of sorts (don't be dumb!) and all the cute animals get eaten.

The French do particularly unusual stories (often without 'happy' endings). They are often based on helping children understand the 'cadre' and French society rather than a moral lesson being taught, let alone a happy ending.

Dragonfly I think you might be onto something there re sign of the times. I think we probably are so accustomed to protecting our kids now, that society just takes it too far in some cases - eg, into literature.