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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

D's school publicly rounded up all the kids on free school meals and

44 replies

mutternutter · 23/10/2014 09:16

Gave them a free pen. Only been on FSM a week. I feel so ashamed. Had a breakdown just as me and kids were running from abusive relative. Not dh who is dead. D's year 7 .
I don't know what to do next. Do schools do this? Not even had any benefits yet just claimed. Never claimed before and I feel dirty. We went months with just my DLA and cb and CTC. Really rather just struggle on til I get a new job but dds Clarke shoes fell apart. D's needs a school coat. I have one pair of non waterproof shoes and I have no warm coat
Can anyone help. I feel beat

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2014 09:19

I've never known a school to do that.

But there is no shame in being on benefits or FSMs.

However, I would contact the head teacher and ask wtf is going on. If you're unhappy with the reply, write to the chair of governors and complain.

Or contact the local paper because this is very unusual and certainly not on.

PrettyPictures92 · 23/10/2014 09:19

I'm not really sure what to say, I hope you're ok x

EatDereksCorpse · 23/10/2014 09:20

A pen? Really? that's pretty random.

VileStatistyx · 23/10/2014 09:21

That sounds really odd. Do you know from the staff what happened or is this just what you have heard from a child? They rounded them all up? What do you mean? They stood them in front of the whole school and said children, these kids are on fsm. We are going to give them a pen? I have never ever heard of such a thing and I think you should speak to the school and find out exactly what happened.

regarding benefits - the system is designed to help people who find themselves in terrible situations and I thank god it is there. You have nothing, nothing to feel ashamed about.

Regarding the coat and shoes - do you have any charity shops in your area and if so, do you have the means to get coat and shoes from there?

If it is money you need, then go to the CAB and see if there is any help you are entitled to.

Tauriel1 · 23/10/2014 09:22

I've heard of similar things at other schools.

Sounds like a clumsy attempt at ticking boxes to prove they're helping children on pupil premium - the funding given to schools for provisiob of children on fsm, looked after children etc.

Chrysanthemum5 · 23/10/2014 09:22

I've never heard of a school doing this, not that there is anything to be ashamed of - but it's not normal practise to identify any group of children.

As Worra says I'd ask the HT what happened.

Please don't feel bad about claiming benefits, the safety net is there for a reason.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 23/10/2014 09:23

Very odd thing for the school to do

Don't let the situation get you down - you will get through it. And there's nothing at all to feel "dirty" about. If you can get past those feelings you may start to feel better? The system is there to help people and you need help.

I was on FSM as a child, it's not a bad thing

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 23/10/2014 09:24

Sorry that you're having a tough time and I think it's wrong that anyone is singled out at school for something like that, I can imagine some children finding that really embarrassing.

However, I'm a bit confused by this "Never claimed before and I feel dirty. We went months with just my DLA and cb and CTC. "

What is the difference in your mind between whatever you're claiming now (& FSM) and the DLA, CB and CTC you've already been entitled to? These are all payments made to those who qualify (and are therefore deemed to be in need) and there is no shame in claiming anything to which you are entitled after xx years of paying taxes.

Please try to reset your views on benefits, they are there to help people in your situation to get back on your feet, to save your DD getting cold wet feet this winter or your DS from going hungry at school. Nobody expects every parent to be totally capable of supporting their DCs at all times regardless of the circumstances.

When you flee a dangerous or emotionally unsustainable relationship you are bound to need a little help to get you back where you want to be. Take what's on offer gratefully, work towards becoming more self-sufficient and take it easy on yourself, it sounds like you've had a rough ride and beating yourself up about it won't help you or your DCs.

2minsofyourtime · 23/10/2014 09:24

There was a thread on here before the summer hols about a little girl who was given a pack of activities to keep her busy, this was done in fro t of everyone as well.

I think you should complain to the head

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2014 09:24

Schools go to great lengths to promote equality and privacy, that's why it's so very strange.

Are you sure you've got the right end of the stick here OP?

PiperIsOrange · 23/10/2014 09:25

It must be something to do with pupil premium which schools get extra money for those on FSM.

Tauriel1 · 23/10/2014 09:25

The singling out thing is terrible, but if your children are on pupil premium you could approach the school abouy help with school shoes, uniform etc.

The problem is schools dont seem to
mention the practical ways they can help with this funding, they just dish stuff out like this.

Iggly · 23/10/2014 09:25

How odd. I would speak to the teacher to ask what happened.

I know they gave out free uniforms to people who were eligible, but not in a public way. Much better IMO.

WookieCookiee · 23/10/2014 09:26

No need to feel dirty about claiming benefits or FSM, the welfare state is there to help those that need it, and you sound like that's you.

The school shouldn't single children out though and I'm surprised they did this. Definitely speak to head of year & head teacher.

Does the school organise second hand uniform sales?

PrettyPictures92 · 23/10/2014 09:26

Wrt jackets and shoes, you get a uniform grant thing that helps you get uniform for your children, not sure if this includes jackets and shoes though but it's worth asking about

whois · 23/10/2014 09:26

You were a benefit claimant BEFORE you claimamt FSM and you're a benefit claimant now.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with claiming benefits you are entitled to. But I don't like your view that you were somehow a better person before you claimed FSM.

Primaryteach87 · 23/10/2014 09:27

This shouldn't happen and most schools are very sensitive to it. Don't 'go to the papers' just go and speak to the school who should be very apologetic. Remember how much this effects the children will partly depend on how big a deal they perceive it to be. Try to play it down and find a good friend to have a cuppa with a let loose how you feel then. X

EatDereksCorpse · 23/10/2014 09:27

Doesn't everyone from reception to year 2 get FSM anyway? So would all those kids get a pen too?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 23/10/2014 09:28

When I was in school, year 6, they did this, but it was toothpaste. I remember at that age thinking 'wtf' and feeling a bit sorry for my singled out classmates. So it does happen.

Original poster

mutternutter · 23/10/2014 09:29

Thks so much for fast replies. Will contact school today. I thought it odd too.will update when school respond

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2014 09:29

This is senior school Derek

seasavage · 23/10/2014 09:31

A local school gets a charity donation every Christmas from a local church for kids on fsm (usually an age appropriate gift and stationery set). The school handles it VERY discreetly, they put a slip in the children's book bags and the parents / children can collect from the office over a week. I know this because we had been eligible for fsm in the year (thanks to dh leaving and my redundancy) but as my circumstances had changed I asked them to let another family have those gifts. I should add the church puts no advertising on this, the church provides the number of gifts but has no idea of names of children. The school just says there are x many in ks1 x many in ks2.

Tauriel1 · 23/10/2014 09:35

I think it will be something like...

Govt says statistics show pupil premium funded students literacy averages are lower, school gives out pens to tick box of doing something to encourage writing.

I would go in and say 'scuse me gov, it's 2014 can we have a free tablet instead?"

TattyDevine · 23/10/2014 09:41

What size are you OP? PM me if you like. I'm having a clear out and I bet I have a coat you can have. If anyone is going to say "she might be a fraud!" I don't care, it will probably go to cash for clothes anyway and if there is one less person without a coat then good. I have fucking excellent taste in coats too

ddubsgirl77 · 23/10/2014 09:44

If your getting DLA for a child you should get carers allowance too xxx

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