My husband is lazy and can't get a job

[sk3270]

Where to start... My back ground is that I am not British, not EU either and holding a spouse visa and have no degree. I had a little bit of money that I could survive for a few years in the uk. And my husband knew that. He thought I don't have to work all life. When I met my husband, I was an international language student. He worked at Martial art school and earned £1,000 a month included petrol(£300) but his boss paid him little by little for about 6months(sometimes £100, sometimes £30 like that so he had to beg his boss to get paid all the time).

Anyway, since I had met him, his boss didn't like me because the boss thought my boyfriend was too much worried about me all the time.(we lived together with his friend's flat. Someday, at the party, one of old students was quite rude to other single females and then he tried to be rude to me too. My husband was so angry and shouted at him and almost was fighting with that guy. After that, his boss fired my husband. So he lost a job because he was protecting me too much. So I suggested that forget about it and we go to my country(already booked the flight a few months ago) and travel for a week and come back and let's find a job.(obviously I couldn't work as a student).

After traveled my country(we met my parents in my country) he suggested to move to his hometown where all his family live and he insist that he can easily find a job there. I was worried that I will have to change my visa to move to another school. And I loved him so didn't want to lose him. So we decided to marry then we can save some money for applying visa several times.

Finally, we moved to his hometown and got married and stayed at his parents house for 3months. While we were staying his parents house, he asked me to buy a house. I wasn't happy because since he had lost a job, I paid everything(our wedding, his wedding clothes, shoes, gym membership, his food, bills and his debt, to his parent for some elec, gas, accommodation, food as well), just everything because he didn't have money at all. But to live, I had no choice as long as he knows I've got some money(actually, that money is for my pension). So I bought a house in cash (on my name but he is an occupant) and bought a car(when we bought a car, not expensive, he put his name only without asking me at all I think because we were with his uncle when we bought a car so he might have not wanted to show his irresponsibility.)

Then He built his own martial art club which doesn't make money and kept asking me to buy some stuff and clothes, etc(i paid everything for him). And then tried to find a job later but failed every time. But seemed like he doesn't want to work and rely on me too much because I can see he didn't try hard because I had to correct his CV (he was born in England and British but I can't even speak English well), he did't know what job's are going on.. Other people told him to apply for some jobs. And whenever I mentioned jobs or money he got upset straightaway and always ended up fighting so I don't make him angry now.

He has tried to get some Job seeker allowance but failed for some reason(not enough credit? And also they said his club is his business even though he worked less than 16 hours. I can't understand it anyway) and I am not entitle to get any benefit in this country. He has got hot temper whenever little things don't work properly but I urged not to do break things and stop hit himself otherwise I will divorce. After he is trying hard not to do stupid things himself.

Now I am 31 weeks pregnant and soon we will have a baby but my husband is out of work for the last 11months and he is playing games everyday and stay up until late at night watching movies and wake up very late and do nothing and only goes to martial art club for 2 hours a week. I asked to finish the baby's room painting for the last 7 months and now just done. I am still paying everything and he doesn't want to work even at building site either and nobody(family members, friends) knows I am paying everything and they do think he earns so much money in martial art so that we bought a house in cash.(he trickily lied)

Once we fought, he mentioned that you have to go back to your country in two months with the baby and I will never pay anything for you and the baby. After that he said it wasn't mean anything. But I got so much hurt.

I need advice indeed. i don't want to divorce. I still love him. I want a successful marriage but getting so hard on my own worrying everyday. I can't get a job because I am not british and my english is not enough. Also I am not entitle to get any benefit, my husband too. My money is running out everyday. I feel depressed and don't know how can I survive with the baby.

Could you go to the CAB to see what you are entilement is.

I alway thought a marriage to an immigrant automatically entitled a person to British citizenship.

First of all, what's your visa situation now? Do you want to remain in the UK?

He sounds like a lazy waster, keen to drain you of your resources both emotional and financial. Spend the rest of your money on a good solicitor and LTB.

Oh my goodness he sounds awful!

I agree that you should speak to citizens advice bureau and find out what your options are.

Living off your savings is only a short term plan as they will run out.

Honestly though- i cant see how you can make him work unless you withdraw all money and if you divorce he could be entitled to some of your money.

He really has done a number on you with regards to money.

Piper - sort of, but it takes a lot of paperwork, and money, and also they definitely can turn you down, especially if it doesn't look like the family's finances are stable.

Don't divorce him. But chuck him out until he gets a job. I'm afraid that right now he sounds like a class A sponger and will carry on sponging off you until you get tough.

You say you love him but the only way you're going to find out whether he genuinely loves you too or just loves having you pay for everything is to kick him out and see if takes responsibility and cleans up his act.

Realise it's a bit late now, but could you have got a job?

Will you be able to work once your child is 6 months or so?

He doesn't sound like much of a catch, but why should we assume he is a lazy good for nothing - from the OP it is clear that neither of them is working.

Because she is heavily pregnant and a FT student and he appears to do jack all?

Oh and she has already contributed a lot financially to the relationship. He has done nothing, by the sounds of it.

I wish I could work and desperate to work but in my situation, I really doubt that I could work before I get a british citizenship(have to wait for 5 years and a half) and before getting a british citizenship, I am not entitle to get any benefit as the immigration law. Also, My English is not good enough to work. I know, so I am studying alone at home(in 6 years, my English must be better but 6 years is quite long to get rid of my depression). Thirdly, I have no degree, For going to the uni, I will need twice or triple of tuition fee than British or EU person. If I divorce, I will have to go back to my country in two months as the immigration law with the baby or without the baby, or I can reply another visa rely on the baby. Easy way might be to get divorce but I don't want to divorce. Yeah, I heard that my husband can have half of my money and the house when we divorce. I feel like I have no choice whether I want to divorce or not because I have nowhere to go and my country either(have no relatives).

You have parents in your home country. Those are relatives surely?

I would sell the house, without divorcing him. Tell him you have to as you have no more money.

Then I would leave with the money, kid and all.

How did you get a spousal visa when your dh didn't earn enough money? I can't get one for my df as I earn below the threshold.

That aside, I think you need to sell the house and go home with baby. He is bleeding you dry, and it's doubtful he'll stick around once the money has gone.

OP will have used her own capital as a replacement for the income requirement.

OP your English is probably better than you think, your written English is pretty good. But you can't work on your visa anyway. Do you want to stay with your DH? Do you want to stay in the UK? You almost certainly won't have to give him half the money from the house, you may not have to give him anything at all. Have you ever spoken to a solicitor about this? How long have you been married?

If I were you I would instruct a very, very good solicitor pronto. As you are married he will almost certainly get parental responsibility, which means he could prevent you leaving the country with your baby.

That said, I don't think your husband will automatically get half your property. If you can demonstrate that it was bought with your money, that he has made little or no contribution to upkeep and that your need (as mother of a small baby) is greater chances are the courts would award heavily in your favour. But you really, really need to get yourself a good solicitor now.

OP - you CAN work on a spouse visa, and if you are married and have a decent amount of money in your savings you could get one of those, which would give you two years living and working in the UK - then it is another three years until citizenship.

That would at least give you the stability to know you can stay here with your baby if you want to, and earn a living. You don't need a degree to get a job, don't worry! And to me your english definitely sounds good enough for some kind of work.

Your husband doesn't sound like a great person, and I think for a start you should stop paying for everything. I know that is hard to do in real life, and I also think talking to a solicitor or immigration lawyer would help. If you look up 'UK immigration lawyer' in your own language on google I think you will find one who you can speak to freely.

If you are in the UK on a spouse visa you have the right to work.

He sounds like a right prize OP